A full head of virile hair almost growing as you watch. A combination of impeccable grooming, smile back at those pearly white teeth that gleam, admire the spotless uniform with precision tied boots.

Wonder at the natural ability to wander lonely as a cloud between opponents especially when they have possession of the ball. Amaze at the prowess needed to deftly move out of the way as players skip joyously by.

Astound yourself with the inability to cut out crosses and top with instinctive finishing which sees your header fly closer to the corner flag than the goal.

This is not your average footballer.

This is your American GSE Footballer.

Enough though of this frivolity, Conor Doyle didn’t cost us this match, this was a game in which the Rams had enough chances to have won.

Two goals up through the returning Theo Robinson and despite spurning the opportunity of a third, Derby appeared to have done enough. We even chuckled as Jamie Ward’s free kick outside the penalty area bounced once on the roof of the stand before escaping into the car park.

Peterborough had other ideas, they refused to give up. Blue shirts attacking a makeshift and patched up back four, Mark O’Brien nursing his right arm, the home side finds gaps.

Paul Taylor unmarked rifles home just before half time despite a ramshackle Rams rearguard condensing ten players between Taylor and the goal.

With half time beckoning strange thoughts take over like do they still make condensed milk, can you buy evaporated, what’s the difference? And did I drink too much ale in the Ostrich with Wheaty et all beforehand?

Second half and the Posh press again. Defenders Jake Buxton and Jason Shackell un-combine in an indecisive way, Buxton first fails to clear and Shackell then hopes fruitlessly that Frank Fielding might claim the ball.

Fielding doesn’t and an outstretched Peterborough leg slots the ball home. A comedy of errors played out pantomime style. “He’s behind you”, “He’s still behind you”, and “Oh he’s scored”.

Scores level and forty minutes to go, the feckless Conor Doyle and it’s not his fault he is such a limited footballer, you have to ask who selects him to play, is substituted and Callum Ball partners Theo in chasing after lost causes and random stray balls pumped high into the ether.

Jamie Ward moves wide and out of the striking line, a backward step in more reasons than one.

Mason Bennett replaces the tiring Robinson and chases after random lost causes and stray balls aerially hit. It’s good practise for bonfire night later.

With time slipping away, Nigel Clough replaces man of the match (in my opinion) Ward and brings on a bleached headed sixteen year old called Will Hughes.

Hughes moves into central midfield which by now seems pretty redundant and the pack is shuffled once more.

It’s a brief glimpse of Blondie, too little to form an opinion, we snarl our views  though as Posh’s Grant McCann volleys home the winner from the edge of the box.

Defeat from the jaws of a draw then, on reflection we couldn’t really argue as Peterborough were the more determined team in a scrappy poor quality game.

All that remained was more beer, and talk afterward of those who did play and those who didn’t even make the bench and the daft beggar responsible.

On BBC Radio Derby Nigel Clough said he will be giving the referee a very low mark out of 100. It's a good idea, and if it's good enough for "Our Nigel" then maybe we should mark our manager out of 100.

Yesterday I reckon about 6/100 i'm a born optimist me.

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Photo: Action Images

pkay_brum added 19:37 - Nov 6 The master plan includes an upcoming £1m bid for the illustrious Conor Doyle from Vancouver Whitecaps, so we can pay off the unwanted Cywka and Maguire. We have to keep our starlet in the shop window, Americans like pretty. It's all plainly obvious to me.
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