By continuing to use the site, you agree to our use of cookies and to abide by our Terms and Conditions. We in turn value your personal details in accordance with our Privacy Policy.
Please log in or register. Registered visitors get fewer ads.
Was talking to a friend recently about her memory of her late mum and that despite it being many years ago, she has never really got over it. I agreed with her as not a day goes by that I don't think about my dad and although it gets easier, it is always there like a scar that never fades.
My dad is the reason I love football and I still think about him every time I watch a game especially an international.
Sorry for the morbid topic but I thought I was just being soft until I realised that maybe no one ever really gets over the death of a loved one.
You only get used to them not being there anymore. I still consult my ol' mum on the difficult ones, she's been gone 14 years, but her wisdom continues. :-)
It weird cause it hits you when you don't expect it. I lost my Dad 6 years ago and 2 friends were talking about their parents the other day and I found myself getting quite emotional. The one thing that you must do is let yourself grieve. Some days soon after he died I couldn't get myself up to do anything. I'd lay in bed all day. But I didn't berate myself I knew I'd come round I just needed time. Sometimes the English stiff upper lip doesn't work ad you need to be Kind to yourself.
Still hits me now mate and he has been gone 18 years. But now I'm more likely to grin when i think of him now rather than cry.He had me very young , So when i was drinking age he really was like a mate as well as my old man. And he was only 50 when he passed so i was destroyed. Time doesn't heal but it definitely eases the pain.
The emotion I found hardest to cope with was guilt that I was not feeling the grief so strongly. My father died suddenly 20 years ago, and grief and horror seemed natural reactions I was almost proud to hold on to. As time passed and I found it harder to recreate that pain or remember him so clearly, I felt ashamed of myself for deserting him, and my mother too, who never got over him dying.
She died four years ago, after having cancer for three years. While my father dying was a total disaster, her going was a relief for her, and I'm a little ashamed to admit, for me and my family too.
I'm not asking for sympathy, I'm fine with how things are now. I don't believe they are together again, but at least her unhappiness is over, though it seems unfair that she is not mourned the way he was. There isn't a right way to commemorate them or get over it. It just sneaked up on me. I obviously regret was that my father never saw my kids, but as it can't have been helped I've not been eaten up by it. Having kids has made them appreciate what they did for me enormously, but the feeling is warm not bitter.
My dad was told he had a year to live that was in 1987 he lived till 2010 amazing really but god did he suffer with only 4% lung of his lungs working
every year was HIS last Christmas and the final time he was in hospital I was told by the doctor that if he had a good night he would be sent home ,I said goodnight to him and went work next day
totally dropping my guard fully expecting to see him back in his own chair the next day. sadly the hospital screwed up and he chocked to death on his own vomit during the night
how he died haunts me to this day ,as does not seeing him after he had died the funeral firm told me to have a sealed coffin as he was terrible discoloured due to the chemicals having a reaction to his medication ,I read afterwards that some firms don't bother dressing the decessed if the coffin is sealed so I now have visions of my dad naked in the ground as well (silly I know but totally messing with my mind)
we were never close but he looked after me and while he was alive I always felt safe as if shit happened I knew I could go to him for help now I have to sort my own shit out
there was a quote in flambards that hit the nail on the head for me
when your fathers dies you suddenly realize that your next it might be 50 years but one day one day its you ,and its so true while he was alive I had no fears I was invincible but im now next just the first minute or so says it all for me ,that said other bits ring too bloody true for me
My dad was told he had a year to live that was in 1987 he lived till 2010 amazing really but god did he suffer with only 4% lung of his lungs working
every year was HIS last Christmas and the final time he was in hospital I was told by the doctor that if he had a good night he would be sent home ,I said goodnight to him and went work next day
totally dropping my guard fully expecting to see him back in his own chair the next day. sadly the hospital screwed up and he chocked to death on his own vomit during the night
how he died haunts me to this day ,as does not seeing him after he had died the funeral firm told me to have a sealed coffin as he was terrible discoloured due to the chemicals having a reaction to his medication ,I read afterwards that some firms don't bother dressing the decessed if the coffin is sealed so I now have visions of my dad naked in the ground as well (silly I know but totally messing with my mind)
we were never close but he looked after me and while he was alive I always felt safe as if shit happened I knew I could go to him for help now I have to sort my own shit out
there was a quote in flambards that hit the nail on the head for me
when your fathers dies you suddenly realize that your next it might be 50 years but one day one day its you ,and its so true while he was alive I had no fears I was invincible but im now next just the first minute or so says it all for me ,that said other bits ring too bloody true for me
Holloway everyone in your situation would have done the Same don't beat yourself up mate. We can all look back on our lives and say we'd have done things differently but we done the best we could with the tools we had at that moment. As for the coffin situation, his body was just his vehicle,it wasn't him.
My dad was told he had a year to live that was in 1987 he lived till 2010 amazing really but god did he suffer with only 4% lung of his lungs working
every year was HIS last Christmas and the final time he was in hospital I was told by the doctor that if he had a good night he would be sent home ,I said goodnight to him and went work next day
totally dropping my guard fully expecting to see him back in his own chair the next day. sadly the hospital screwed up and he chocked to death on his own vomit during the night
how he died haunts me to this day ,as does not seeing him after he had died the funeral firm told me to have a sealed coffin as he was terrible discoloured due to the chemicals having a reaction to his medication ,I read afterwards that some firms don't bother dressing the decessed if the coffin is sealed so I now have visions of my dad naked in the ground as well (silly I know but totally messing with my mind)
we were never close but he looked after me and while he was alive I always felt safe as if shit happened I knew I could go to him for help now I have to sort my own shit out
there was a quote in flambards that hit the nail on the head for me
when your fathers dies you suddenly realize that your next it might be 50 years but one day one day its you ,and its so true while he was alive I had no fears I was invincible but im now next just the first minute or so says it all for me ,that said other bits ring too bloody true for me
As long as he knew you loved him then you should let the rest go.
Holloway everyone in your situation would have done the Same don't beat yourself up mate. We can all look back on our lives and say we'd have done things differently but we done the best we could with the tools we had at that moment. As for the coffin situation, his body was just his vehicle,it wasn't him.
I know but I wanted him to be wearing his best suit id even put a few photos and keep sakes in it and that made me happy ,but then I read the story and it's stuck with me ever since ,when the time comes I wont make the same mistake with my mum
life goes on, make the best of it but never forget
My dad fell over tomorrow a year ago and died 3 days later, it was indirectly related to Alzheimer's disease. I think about him everyday. He took me to my first game at charlton and we won 3-2 . I really miss him. I picked up his death certificate on my birthday and I'll be going to my first game of the season on the 24th October, after my back operation with my family. I love my dad, my family and my mum of course and finally QPR.
My oldest sister passed on valentines day at just 39 in 2013. It was a extremely tough 4 years with cancer for her of course and the last few weeks in the hospice(amazing place and people I must add) despite knowing what was coming were beautiful at times. She had gone from a stunningly beautiful fit healthy women to looking unrecognizable when she passed. Not that it mattered to us of course as she was still the life and soul of our family. I have never been able to grieve properly I feel but time does help. Like others I still consult her and want her to see the world through my eyes. I have so many regrets however during the final years. I had planned to take her away for an amazing trip as we all knew what was coming but I didn't due to work and then it was too late, I am ashamed that I put work over more time together. I spent (and still spend) too much time away working rather than making memories. I never told her enough that i loved her. Of my siblings we really were the most alike and "got" each other. we never judged the others mistakes like others would and would just laugh at them really and say "fck it you only like once". I told her secrets and she told me hers that we still only both know including the rest of my family. I dont know why im saying this really but maybe trying to emphasize that when one you love, time has been decided and they are terminally ill make it your business to be there as much as is possible without smoothering them. Tell them you love them, make videos, do wild things and just try not to have regrets. Death really does make you realize that no matter how great you are you are just passing through and people move on so so quick after(outside the family). My parents i worry about the most regarding this, my dad has been devastated ever since and has lost some of the life he had in him and the life she used to give him, i guess writing this i realize i should be doing alot more for them than i am doing while sitting in another backward hotel in a country that is not home. We have come closer as a family but there is room for more and after reading this i will do more. Great people will come and go in all our lives, but just make the memories and store them until we hopefully all meet again.
Our father was riddled with MS from the age of 28 until his death in 2004 aged 65. Richie (brother) and I had a long discussion with mum about turning off the life support after the warfarin he need to pump blood around gave him a brain hemorrage. Dark dark days. I was at Leeds game at LR on promotion day (thanks to James and Simon - old White Horse bretherin) and blubbed looking up at his old South Africa road seat. It never really leaves, although it does get easier over time. Needless to say he had a blue and white hooped shirt with him in his coffin.
My dad was told he had a year to live that was in 1987 he lived till 2010 amazing really but god did he suffer with only 4% lung of his lungs working
every year was HIS last Christmas and the final time he was in hospital I was told by the doctor that if he had a good night he would be sent home ,I said goodnight to him and went work next day
totally dropping my guard fully expecting to see him back in his own chair the next day. sadly the hospital screwed up and he chocked to death on his own vomit during the night
how he died haunts me to this day ,as does not seeing him after he had died the funeral firm told me to have a sealed coffin as he was terrible discoloured due to the chemicals having a reaction to his medication ,I read afterwards that some firms don't bother dressing the decessed if the coffin is sealed so I now have visions of my dad naked in the ground as well (silly I know but totally messing with my mind)
we were never close but he looked after me and while he was alive I always felt safe as if shit happened I knew I could go to him for help now I have to sort my own shit out
there was a quote in flambards that hit the nail on the head for me
when your fathers dies you suddenly realize that your next it might be 50 years but one day one day its you ,and its so true while he was alive I had no fears I was invincible but im now next just the first minute or so says it all for me ,that said other bits ring too bloody true for me
They would have dressed him in a gown for sure. Sad story Holloway, but a little bit of them live on in all of us. Keep the good memories.
I lost both parents to cancer 10 years apart.My dad died 6 weeks after being diagnosed in June 94,and he went on the Friday before the World Cup final between Brazil and Italy. It was about 16 months after my eldest brother drowned on his birthday,and I don't think he really got over it. My mum died a week after we won promotion at Hillsborough.She lived in Bournemouth and I'd spend the weeks caring for her and cooking meals for her before returning home to Suffolk on Friday evenings. I'd just gone to bed about 11pm one Friday when our phone rang and when I answered it,I discovered it was the Dorset ambulance paramedic.He said that my mum was having a cardiac arrest and what treatment should he administer? We'd discussed about what she wanted to happen in that event and she said that she didn't want to be resuscitated,and that's what I told him too.But it always nags in my head whether it was really what she wanted to do,or should I have told him to bring her back for the selfish reason for me to say goodbye properly? I'll never the answer,but to be put in that split second decision was truly horrible. I was the judge and jury making the ultimate decision on whether she lived or died.I know she had terminal cancer and it would've killed her soon enough,but the thought of condemning her to die on the floor with nobody around her but strangers haunts me still.
I hope that's what she wanted me to do,but I'm not certain,but I think it might have been made worse by me being there to witness it.
You never get over it,but you learn to remember it less often.
although i have lost people close to me, i don't think i have really grieved for them. we left iran at very short notice when i was only 6 years old. we had a very large family on both my parents sides, and i do have memories of being in places with a great many people, presumably family. however, when we left iran, we left most of the family behind. two of my dads brothers, one grandmother and my mum' aunt came with us. my grandmother died within a year of arriving here. to this day, we have not heard one thing about the people we left behind. i hadn't really thought about referring to it as grief. we don't even know how many, if any of them are still alive. once the islamic regime got in, not only was there a war with iraq that cost 1 million lives, but there was also a long and brutal purge of people linked to the shah. thousands were tortured and executed both publicly and behind closed doors. this went on for years, still does to this day. were any of my relatives included on that list? where is a list for outsiders to see who was executed? are some of my relatives still alive either in a remote prison or even tehran? we don't have answers. my mother has always asked to know what happened to her family, brothers and sisters, bit officially and unofficially. no word has ever come back regarding their fate. ever. but she hasn't a body to bury, or a time to mourn and grieve. and she feels very sad about this, as do we all.
there are thousands of people throughout history that have just 'disappeared' and still continue to. south america and asia are notorious for this. as are many western governments.
like i said, we have lost many close family, relatives and friends without the dignity of burial.
It's not what you've got; it's where you stick it.
although i have lost people close to me, i don't think i have really grieved for them. we left iran at very short notice when i was only 6 years old. we had a very large family on both my parents sides, and i do have memories of being in places with a great many people, presumably family. however, when we left iran, we left most of the family behind. two of my dads brothers, one grandmother and my mum' aunt came with us. my grandmother died within a year of arriving here. to this day, we have not heard one thing about the people we left behind. i hadn't really thought about referring to it as grief. we don't even know how many, if any of them are still alive. once the islamic regime got in, not only was there a war with iraq that cost 1 million lives, but there was also a long and brutal purge of people linked to the shah. thousands were tortured and executed both publicly and behind closed doors. this went on for years, still does to this day. were any of my relatives included on that list? where is a list for outsiders to see who was executed? are some of my relatives still alive either in a remote prison or even tehran? we don't have answers. my mother has always asked to know what happened to her family, brothers and sisters, bit officially and unofficially. no word has ever come back regarding their fate. ever. but she hasn't a body to bury, or a time to mourn and grieve. and she feels very sad about this, as do we all.
there are thousands of people throughout history that have just 'disappeared' and still continue to. south america and asia are notorious for this. as are many western governments.
like i said, we have lost many close family, relatives and friends without the dignity of burial.
I didn't realize it was that difficult to keep in contact there. The only Iranians we know hate the regime, love a party, but are back and forth between here and Tehran on family business.
Both my parents are long gone,mother from cancer and father from the result of carrying a girlfriend around a bedroom at the age of nearly 80 That kind of made me an orphan didn't it?I actually wrote to Britney Spears asking if she'd like to adopt me. I'm not religious but am convinced we'll all meet up again so I don't grieve. All I do is "the right thing" wherever possible - the old thing about the conscience is the collective voice of the dead telling you what to do. Do the right thing,keep your nose clean or your mum and dad are going to give you a right bollocking eventually.
My old man who I always referred to as Pop were very close. He died in 2009. I was with him 'til his last breath. As he was leaving us, the family were round his bed singing his favourite song, 'Blue Skies'. I think of him every day and a little drop of saline always runs down the face on his anniversary. We scattered his ashes on his favourite spot on the South Downs which has a panoramic view of virtually the whole of West Sussex. He's at a great spot I know. Lucky fellow.
I was grateful they lived to a ripe old age, 83 and 89. You get to a stage when life is not as good as it once was and it's a relief for many. Always feel for young children who lose a parent, how tough is that. Hope we all get to see them again
My old man who I always referred to as Pop were very close. He died in 2009. I was with him 'til his last breath. As he was leaving us, the family were round his bed singing his favourite song, 'Blue Skies'. I think of him every day and a little drop of saline always runs down the face on his anniversary. We scattered his ashes on his favourite spot on the South Downs which has a panoramic view of virtually the whole of West Sussex. He's at a great spot I know. Lucky fellow.
I wasn't actually going to post here but my Dad past in the Summer. He was a life long Rangers surporter. He had a fantastic humanist service when he was cremated and one his favourite songs that was played at the service was blue skies Ella Fitzgerald. I am just delighted that he took me and brother down the Rangers at such at a very early age and that we went on to have a life time of shared experiences following our team. Dad got it - he knew that the lows would be low and that they would be few and that the highs would be high and when they come enjoy them. More than that he knew that it wasn't all about the team it was about the people and the banter. Mine and brothers mates become my dads. Of course i miss him when it came to Rangers he was loyal but critical and if he was around now he wouldn't stop moaning about this defence.
I didn't realize it was that difficult to keep in contact there. The only Iranians we know hate the regime, love a party, but are back and forth between here and Tehran on family business.
oh you can definitely get on a plane and land in iran. whether you are processed to enter is another matter. and whether you are allowed out again is also another matter. and you can imagine that if you started asking questions of the regime about what they did to people who are missing. either you will be hung in the main square, or immediately deported.
we are unlikely to ever know what happened to them, or even if they are still alive. and everything is censored, restricted and they encourage neighbours, friends, work colleagues and even family to spy on each other, and report any oddities. not even sure i would want to go back to visit under those circumstances.
It's not what you've got; it's where you stick it.
I always think of my Dad and Granddad , both big fans, before teams come out at LR, always get a lump in the throat at that moment.
My Dad died in Jan 14 - after Wigan play off s/final at full time, my daughter sent me a text "That was for Granddad", special moment, that still gets me now when I think about it.
There are some really beautiful posts in this thread. I love this place. Rs fans are special.
Respect.
Totally agree. Don't know many "football" forums where a thread like this would generate such a response. Puts into perspective all the things we think of as important like who's playing or picking the team. We're a different breed to most fans. My thoughts go out to all who's posted and shared. Life and qpr goes on.
Next month marks the 6 year anniversary that we lost our son Eion This time of year is awful as I know my Mrs goes through some very dark days and starts lashing out I try and not to show my grief and I haven't in the 6 years since he died We haven't got over it but we try and we live life to the max as much as we can, The one good thing to ever come out of all this is that we are a very tight family it has made us stronger I look and think we are over protective of our daughter and wrap her in cotton wool to much But we are learning to give her as much freedom as possible
And Bowles is onside, Swinburne has come rushing out of his goal , what can Bowles do here , onto the left foot no, on to the right foot
That’s there that’s two, and that’s Bowles
Brian Moore
By continuing to use the site, you agree to our use of cookies and to abide by our Terms and Conditions.
