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14 years old, My Old man East Ham Dave was away on' business' ( Whoring and drinking was an integral part of his electrical supply business ) so had a few lads from school over. Bought a bottle of Malibu and Harp Larger. One moment we were all watching aunt peg kop a portion from Dirk Diggler on the VHS , the next one of the chaps was honking all over the living room shagcarpet and argos nest of tables.
Tried to cover the stench of the puke by spraying some tabac aftershave on it - the carpet reeked of a mouldering yeast infection on a canning town single mother for months to come.
We all fell asleep and heard one of us being heinz beef broth all over himself. Concerned he would choke on his own vomit, we moved him from bed to bath so he wasnt horizontal. Stripped him naked since he'd been sick all over his clothes - he looked a bit like a broken Mr Burns from the Simpsons or the victim of an altitude experiment at Sobibor, or possibly Bobby sands come to think of it.
An ungainly sight, One which still haunts me to this day but nevertheless a legendary performance from the lad.Never touched Malibu after that.
was violently ill and shaking like Nicolas cage in leaving las vegas for a day or two afterwards, but felt like a well traveled man of all seasons once that passed.
reading that back it seems like a homo erotic Shane meadows film, but thats the way the cards fell.
[Post edited 19 May 2016 9:21]
"...The monkey is never dead, Dealer. The monkey never dies. When you kick him off, he just hides in a corner, waiting his turn."
7
When was The First Time You Were Drunk. on 14:59 - May 20 with 3280 views
When was The First Time You Were Drunk. on 14:19 - May 20 by Discodroids
my good gawd fred..
The girlfriends Mums face was remarkably like that of Dandy at the time.
Still, the horror was nothing compared to my best mates best drunk effort.
First of all it's necesary to clarify just how much my Mum hates alcohol and its effects. Due to personal reasons she hates it more than anything else, hates it with a vengeance and has zero understanding or tolerance of it. So, me and my best mate go down the local for a few jars and it turned out to be quite a session with him getting absolutely wasted on the beer and shorts. We staggered back to my house as his parents were away so it was agreed that he could crash at mine for the night. Managed to get home ok and we both crashed, me in my room and my best mate in the spare room. Woke up the next morning and took the necesary few moments to collect my thoughts and then it started. The flashbacks. One by one. The screams. The wailing. I fought against it but they kept coming. The incredulity and then the anger. It just kept getting worse. I was still trying to convince myself it wasn't true and that it couldn't have happened. I got out of bed and pulled the blinds open to let the light of day into the room. And then I saw my Mum in the garden hanging out the washing with a face of thunder that I will never forget and fortunately have never had to see repeated since. During the night my best mate had got up to go for a piss, thankfully made it to the toilet where he relieved himself but then disorientated by his new surroundings he went into my Mums bedroom and got into bed with her. Cue the screaming! I´d woken up wandering what the fcuk was going on, went running into my Mums bedroom to see her sitting on the end of the bed crying her eyes out and my mate fast asleep in her bed. I took her out of the room and calmed her down and went back to her bedroom to forcibly drag my mate out of my Mums bed and back to his own. During this time he was basically comatosed. The next morning when the horror had dawned on me that it was my living nightmare I then had to inform my mate who even after waking up was totally oblivious to the nights "events" of his actions of the previous night. If you knew just how straight my Mum is this story would have even more impact. My mate sneaked out of the house but came back later to apologise to my Mum and whilst she accepted his apology she has never really forgiven him and she made my life hell for at least the next few weeks. The good news is that nearly 30 years later he's still my best mate but unfortunately my Mum still hates him.
When was The First Time You Were Drunk. on 15:32 - May 20 by FredManRave
The girlfriends Mums face was remarkably like that of Dandy at the time.
Still, the horror was nothing compared to my best mates best drunk effort.
First of all it's necesary to clarify just how much my Mum hates alcohol and its effects. Due to personal reasons she hates it more than anything else, hates it with a vengeance and has zero understanding or tolerance of it. So, me and my best mate go down the local for a few jars and it turned out to be quite a session with him getting absolutely wasted on the beer and shorts. We staggered back to my house as his parents were away so it was agreed that he could crash at mine for the night. Managed to get home ok and we both crashed, me in my room and my best mate in the spare room. Woke up the next morning and took the necesary few moments to collect my thoughts and then it started. The flashbacks. One by one. The screams. The wailing. I fought against it but they kept coming. The incredulity and then the anger. It just kept getting worse. I was still trying to convince myself it wasn't true and that it couldn't have happened. I got out of bed and pulled the blinds open to let the light of day into the room. And then I saw my Mum in the garden hanging out the washing with a face of thunder that I will never forget and fortunately have never had to see repeated since. During the night my best mate had got up to go for a piss, thankfully made it to the toilet where he relieved himself but then disorientated by his new surroundings he went into my Mums bedroom and got into bed with her. Cue the screaming! I´d woken up wandering what the fcuk was going on, went running into my Mums bedroom to see her sitting on the end of the bed crying her eyes out and my mate fast asleep in her bed. I took her out of the room and calmed her down and went back to her bedroom to forcibly drag my mate out of my Mums bed and back to his own. During this time he was basically comatosed. The next morning when the horror had dawned on me that it was my living nightmare I then had to inform my mate who even after waking up was totally oblivious to the nights "events" of his actions of the previous night. If you knew just how straight my Mum is this story would have even more impact. My mate sneaked out of the house but came back later to apologise to my Mum and whilst she accepted his apology she has never really forgiven him and she made my life hell for at least the next few weeks. The good news is that nearly 30 years later he's still my best mate but unfortunately my Mum still hates him.
[Post edited 20 May 2016 15:35]
Fred, you could very well be the best of us on here.
bravo.
"...The monkey is never dead, Dealer. The monkey never dies. When you kick him off, he just hides in a corner, waiting his turn."
0
When was The First Time You Were Drunk. on 15:53 - May 20 with 3216 views
When was The First Time You Were Drunk. on 15:32 - May 20 by FredManRave
The girlfriends Mums face was remarkably like that of Dandy at the time.
Still, the horror was nothing compared to my best mates best drunk effort.
First of all it's necesary to clarify just how much my Mum hates alcohol and its effects. Due to personal reasons she hates it more than anything else, hates it with a vengeance and has zero understanding or tolerance of it. So, me and my best mate go down the local for a few jars and it turned out to be quite a session with him getting absolutely wasted on the beer and shorts. We staggered back to my house as his parents were away so it was agreed that he could crash at mine for the night. Managed to get home ok and we both crashed, me in my room and my best mate in the spare room. Woke up the next morning and took the necesary few moments to collect my thoughts and then it started. The flashbacks. One by one. The screams. The wailing. I fought against it but they kept coming. The incredulity and then the anger. It just kept getting worse. I was still trying to convince myself it wasn't true and that it couldn't have happened. I got out of bed and pulled the blinds open to let the light of day into the room. And then I saw my Mum in the garden hanging out the washing with a face of thunder that I will never forget and fortunately have never had to see repeated since. During the night my best mate had got up to go for a piss, thankfully made it to the toilet where he relieved himself but then disorientated by his new surroundings he went into my Mums bedroom and got into bed with her. Cue the screaming! I´d woken up wandering what the fcuk was going on, went running into my Mums bedroom to see her sitting on the end of the bed crying her eyes out and my mate fast asleep in her bed. I took her out of the room and calmed her down and went back to her bedroom to forcibly drag my mate out of my Mums bed and back to his own. During this time he was basically comatosed. The next morning when the horror had dawned on me that it was my living nightmare I then had to inform my mate who even after waking up was totally oblivious to the nights "events" of his actions of the previous night. If you knew just how straight my Mum is this story would have even more impact. My mate sneaked out of the house but came back later to apologise to my Mum and whilst she accepted his apology she has never really forgiven him and she made my life hell for at least the next few weeks. The good news is that nearly 30 years later he's still my best mate but unfortunately my Mum still hates him.
[Post edited 20 May 2016 15:35]
Superb!
Bloody hell, some of these stories have driven me to drink and made me p!ss myself with laughter.
Time for a pint.
2
When was The First Time You Were Drunk. on 16:38 - May 20 with 3180 views
OK. One for the road. I though it would be just another night out in the City, starting at 5pm sharpish on a typical Thursday night pub crawl around the City's finest pubs and then staggering into Pitcher & Piano for some Shambles (Champagne and Red Bull for the uneducated). Then onto that little club downstairs in the City that I can't for the life of me remember the name of. The last thing I remember is throwing some shapes and getting jiggy with a fellow city (female!) pisshead. Woke up the next morning and tried recalling the last couple of hours of the night. Girl in arms, train, taxi to the lucky ladies house but not much more. It was at this moment that I realised I wasn't at home but was in bed at aforementioned girls house with just pussy for company. Unfortunately the pussy in question was that which belonged to the girl from the night before, I'm guessing its name was ginger. So I get up get dressed and walk around the house and realise that I'm "Home Alone". The mystery girl had got up and gone to work and left me in her house. All alone! She must have been bloody mental (for several reasons) She didn't know me from Adam! I didn't have a fcukin clue where I was. I went back to the bedroom to pick up my things, keys wallet etc and noticed that her clothes were still strewn all over the floor so I had a sneaky look and unfortunately, true to from, she was a 14. This had been a typical Thursday night out in the City and it must have been about 8am by now and I had to get to work, so walking aimlessly around the streets, even though I didn't have a fcukin clue where I was I had the brainwave to call my Bro as he'd been out the night before so hoped he'd be able to help. Clever bástard that he is, he said to me just look at the street name to see what London postcode it is and that'll give you an idea of where you are. Nice one Bro. So I had a look and. Bollox. No fcukin London postcode, just the name of the street that I was soon to find out having hailed a cab was just north of Whetstone. So I got a cab to the station and arrived at work very late, hungover, looking and feeling like shite and dressed in the same clothes as the day before. The one that got away.
When was The First Time You Were Drunk. on 16:38 - May 20 by FredManRave
OK. One for the road. I though it would be just another night out in the City, starting at 5pm sharpish on a typical Thursday night pub crawl around the City's finest pubs and then staggering into Pitcher & Piano for some Shambles (Champagne and Red Bull for the uneducated). Then onto that little club downstairs in the City that I can't for the life of me remember the name of. The last thing I remember is throwing some shapes and getting jiggy with a fellow city (female!) pisshead. Woke up the next morning and tried recalling the last couple of hours of the night. Girl in arms, train, taxi to the lucky ladies house but not much more. It was at this moment that I realised I wasn't at home but was in bed at aforementioned girls house with just pussy for company. Unfortunately the pussy in question was that which belonged to the girl from the night before, I'm guessing its name was ginger. So I get up get dressed and walk around the house and realise that I'm "Home Alone". The mystery girl had got up and gone to work and left me in her house. All alone! She must have been bloody mental (for several reasons) She didn't know me from Adam! I didn't have a fcukin clue where I was. I went back to the bedroom to pick up my things, keys wallet etc and noticed that her clothes were still strewn all over the floor so I had a sneaky look and unfortunately, true to from, she was a 14. This had been a typical Thursday night out in the City and it must have been about 8am by now and I had to get to work, so walking aimlessly around the streets, even though I didn't have a fcukin clue where I was I had the brainwave to call my Bro as he'd been out the night before so hoped he'd be able to help. Clever bástard that he is, he said to me just look at the street name to see what London postcode it is and that'll give you an idea of where you are. Nice one Bro. So I had a look and. Bollox. No fcukin London postcode, just the name of the street that I was soon to find out having hailed a cab was just north of Whetstone. So I got a cab to the station and arrived at work very late, hungover, looking and feeling like shite and dressed in the same clothes as the day before. The one that got away.
[Post edited 20 May 2016 16:41]
To be followed up some 20 years later with a knock at the door, and a complete stranger standing there saying "you don't know me but I think you are my dad". Marvellous stuff Fred!
[Post edited 20 May 2016 17:06]
Scooters, Tunes, Trainers and QPR.
1
When was The First Time You Were Drunk. on 17:37 - May 20 with 3131 views
When was The First Time You Were Drunk. on 16:38 - May 20 by FredManRave
OK. One for the road. I though it would be just another night out in the City, starting at 5pm sharpish on a typical Thursday night pub crawl around the City's finest pubs and then staggering into Pitcher & Piano for some Shambles (Champagne and Red Bull for the uneducated). Then onto that little club downstairs in the City that I can't for the life of me remember the name of. The last thing I remember is throwing some shapes and getting jiggy with a fellow city (female!) pisshead. Woke up the next morning and tried recalling the last couple of hours of the night. Girl in arms, train, taxi to the lucky ladies house but not much more. It was at this moment that I realised I wasn't at home but was in bed at aforementioned girls house with just pussy for company. Unfortunately the pussy in question was that which belonged to the girl from the night before, I'm guessing its name was ginger. So I get up get dressed and walk around the house and realise that I'm "Home Alone". The mystery girl had got up and gone to work and left me in her house. All alone! She must have been bloody mental (for several reasons) She didn't know me from Adam! I didn't have a fcukin clue where I was. I went back to the bedroom to pick up my things, keys wallet etc and noticed that her clothes were still strewn all over the floor so I had a sneaky look and unfortunately, true to from, she was a 14. This had been a typical Thursday night out in the City and it must have been about 8am by now and I had to get to work, so walking aimlessly around the streets, even though I didn't have a fcukin clue where I was I had the brainwave to call my Bro as he'd been out the night before so hoped he'd be able to help. Clever bástard that he is, he said to me just look at the street name to see what London postcode it is and that'll give you an idea of where you are. Nice one Bro. So I had a look and. Bollox. No fcukin London postcode, just the name of the street that I was soon to find out having hailed a cab was just north of Whetstone. So I got a cab to the station and arrived at work very late, hungover, looking and feeling like shite and dressed in the same clothes as the day before. The one that got away.
[Post edited 20 May 2016 16:41]
Had a similar one on a school night. Woke up in a bedroom, no idea what happened or why I was in the flat alone. Found my clothes and had a quick check in the mirror to discover I was covered in pen and drawings from the night before, including a massive 'CLAIMED' written in what I came to discover was permanent marker right across my torso.
After leaving the room I went to find the bathroom and instead walked into a childs bedroom - I need to leave. Quick wee, splash of water and I strolled straight out to discover I was in a pretty ropey council flat in Bethnal Green and it was hot as fck. I only had my work clothes from the day before which just about covered up the pen. Work were not happy - I was let go shortly after.
ask Beavis I get nothing Butthead
1
When was The First Time You Were Drunk. on 18:10 - May 20 with 3117 views
Saving the worst (that I'm prepared to put in print) to last.
Another night out in the City, this time a Friday night but the same routine as recently mentioned, pubs from 5pm, shambles and then club. The shape throwing was working again on this particular night and this time with a slim blonde. Didn't get any further than swapping saliva on the night in question but did get her phone number. I had to work the next day and had a mates wedding reception out in Essex to go to later in the day. So, pleased with myself and wanting to show off my previous nights conquest to all my City mates I called the girl and invited her to the wedding reception. She said yes. I was chuffed. Told my Bro who was going with his girlfriend and arranged to meet them at Liverpool St. Station to take the train to Essex. So a few hours later I get a call from Security in the lobby. "I'm downstairs" says my super sexy slim little blond lady. I bowl downstairs go through the barriers and BAM! It was like being hit by the worlds longest and heaviest freight train, full on! She was blond alright, and slim but she had some kind of skin disorder, her face was patchy coloured with pieces of skin actually hanging and occasionally falling off. The beer goggles and the dim lights in the club had obviously missed this minor detail! FCUK IT! I scream to myself. WTF am I gonna do?! No wonder she was so pleased to get a next day call and an invite to a wedding reception! I had a brain freeze, I coulddn't think of anything, I couldn't come up with any excuse, so off we went, had in hand (the horror) off to Liverpool St. Met my bro there, we greeted each other and then he looked at my companion and possibly the biggest smile I've ever seen appeared on his face. Whilst I knew this was going to be the worst night of my life he knew this was going to be his best. We get on the train, we get to the reception, city mate after city after city mate all arrive with their respective wives and girlfriends and each one of them greets me with a face like the cat that got the cream because I'm there with my new squeeze, "Flaky". Longest night of my life and the night gets recalled with much joy and merriment on their behalf on many an occasion. I was never happier to leave an event although I knew at the time that this was the start of something big and horrible and would (and has) last(ed) a long, long time. I obviously had several beers at the reception to numb the pain and embaarassment and decided, what the fcuk, and consumated the relationship back at my gaff later that night.
Apologies for any offence at my obvious shallowness at the time in question. I blame the drink. I'm a much deeper and better person these days, although I do still drink, just not to excess.
Saturday morning hungover. I remember getting bollock for being so pissed and got the cold shoulder in the morning so I'm out in Northfields Avenue doing the shopping and I meet my good mate Joe who has had a similar experience. We stumble around for a while until 11 o'clock and head for the Forester for a livener. Then come the flashbacks but Joe is wary, there's something more. He was getting along well with his mother in law who was an extremely tasty, ex model milf. His missus has gone to bed and he's getting cosy on the settee with the mum in law .... ....... Oh shit ! What is it Joe ? What did you do ? I said - " would like to hold my cock ? "
Strong and stable my arse.
2
When was The First Time You Were Drunk. on 00:58 - May 21 with 3009 views
19 ,still at home with the folks. My family went away for the week leaving me at home. I should have been responsible enough. Anyway I come home one night absolutely smashed . I stood at the front door doing the self frisk finding my keys while trying to stand up. Wallet - check. 10 Benson & Hedges - check Keys..? Where's my effing keys?? Must have stood there 5- 10 minutes repeating my checklist. I think I even shouted through the letterbox just in case someone was in. No one was in. It was 2 in the morning, my bed is just the other side of this front door. Drunk logic is kicking in. I went round the back of the house and luckily I'd left my bedroom window open. Result. All I had to do was climb 12ft up the side of my house. I'm 5ft 7" my mums compost bin is approx 4ft,that'll do. Compost bins aren't designed to be dragged across gardens. They're hollow at the bottom and flimsy,especially if the contents have been emptied across a garden. After climbing on it,falling off it,kicking it and throwing it I needed a plan B. Down the road were houses having building work with loads of scaffolding around them. I'll just grab a ladder from there. I had to climb in someone's garden and climb up the side of the scaffold to get to a ladder. It was well tied in. Not sure how long I was trying to untie the ladder,I might have even had a snooze but enough time for the old bill to turn up in force.. Loads of them. Got handcuffed and taken to Hounslow nick. To be honest I didn't care and just glad to have somewhere to kip. They interviewed me the next morning but let me go. I found my keys in my top pocket of my jacket on the way home. Its funny writing this. This sort of thing was a weekly occurrence for me when I was young and stupid. I used to get in all sorts of trouble,all self inflicted. I still like a drink these days but I manage not to get nicked or wake up in girls flats with a puddle of vomit next to me.
Occasional providers of half decent House music.
4
When was The First Time You Were Drunk. on 01:25 - May 21 with 3004 views
There were types of people, decent and non-decent, it was that simple. irst got pissed in the company of the non-decent. And had a row with a friends father on the landing about having not pished in his wardrobe. lol. 14 and pissed on thr 207 from Hayes back to to civilastion.
The decent, a rare and lovely woamn called Ivy, mum of a friend, would not only go and get the video nasties in a brown paper bag but would happily get the drinks in to. And drop you home after serving up perfect beef and horse radish sandwitches at 10pm just when most wanted..
30 years on had a wise parenting conversation with Ivy and her advice was, make home so liberal cider in the grave yard is no ones preferrred choice. How right she was.
She was cracking. And still is. The knuts in Hayes are still Knuts.And always will be. And I need to drink less not more. I remember also my older sisters wedding and my lips going numb and my own mother laughing at me. Pouring me another drink. There was a lesson in there somewhere. One day I'll learn it....mad happy days.
Brian, post of LFW.
1
When was The First Time You Were Drunk. on 03:42 - May 21 with 2988 views
When was The First Time You Were Drunk. on 00:58 - May 21 by PunteR
19 ,still at home with the folks. My family went away for the week leaving me at home. I should have been responsible enough. Anyway I come home one night absolutely smashed . I stood at the front door doing the self frisk finding my keys while trying to stand up. Wallet - check. 10 Benson & Hedges - check Keys..? Where's my effing keys?? Must have stood there 5- 10 minutes repeating my checklist. I think I even shouted through the letterbox just in case someone was in. No one was in. It was 2 in the morning, my bed is just the other side of this front door. Drunk logic is kicking in. I went round the back of the house and luckily I'd left my bedroom window open. Result. All I had to do was climb 12ft up the side of my house. I'm 5ft 7" my mums compost bin is approx 4ft,that'll do. Compost bins aren't designed to be dragged across gardens. They're hollow at the bottom and flimsy,especially if the contents have been emptied across a garden. After climbing on it,falling off it,kicking it and throwing it I needed a plan B. Down the road were houses having building work with loads of scaffolding around them. I'll just grab a ladder from there. I had to climb in someone's garden and climb up the side of the scaffold to get to a ladder. It was well tied in. Not sure how long I was trying to untie the ladder,I might have even had a snooze but enough time for the old bill to turn up in force.. Loads of them. Got handcuffed and taken to Hounslow nick. To be honest I didn't care and just glad to have somewhere to kip. They interviewed me the next morning but let me go. I found my keys in my top pocket of my jacket on the way home. Its funny writing this. This sort of thing was a weekly occurrence for me when I was young and stupid. I used to get in all sorts of trouble,all self inflicted. I still like a drink these days but I manage not to get nicked or wake up in girls flats with a puddle of vomit next to me.
Don't bring the police into it, Punter, let's just leave it there and be thankful for the fact that whilst we might have been exuberant in our youth when affected by the demon drink we've become a lot more sensible and responsible in the subsequent years. And thank God, because the alternative doesn't bear thinking about!
When was The First Time You Were Drunk. on 03:42 - May 21 by FredManRave
Don't bring the police into it, Punter, let's just leave it there and be thankful for the fact that whilst we might have been exuberant in our youth when affected by the demon drink we've become a lot more sensible and responsible in the subsequent years. And thank God, because the alternative doesn't bear thinking about!
Cheers!
[Post edited 21 May 2016 3:42]
Absolutely mate.
These days i wake up wondering what I wrote on LFW the night before..
" Noooo... I cant believe I said Traore can cover our left wing problem...!"
Crazy times.
Cheers Fred
[Post edited 21 May 2016 8:27]
Occasional providers of half decent House music.
1
When was The First Time You Were Drunk. (n/t) on 08:31 - May 21 with 2957 views
When was The First Time You Were Drunk. on 16:38 - May 20 by FredManRave
OK. One for the road. I though it would be just another night out in the City, starting at 5pm sharpish on a typical Thursday night pub crawl around the City's finest pubs and then staggering into Pitcher & Piano for some Shambles (Champagne and Red Bull for the uneducated). Then onto that little club downstairs in the City that I can't for the life of me remember the name of. The last thing I remember is throwing some shapes and getting jiggy with a fellow city (female!) pisshead. Woke up the next morning and tried recalling the last couple of hours of the night. Girl in arms, train, taxi to the lucky ladies house but not much more. It was at this moment that I realised I wasn't at home but was in bed at aforementioned girls house with just pussy for company. Unfortunately the pussy in question was that which belonged to the girl from the night before, I'm guessing its name was ginger. So I get up get dressed and walk around the house and realise that I'm "Home Alone". The mystery girl had got up and gone to work and left me in her house. All alone! She must have been bloody mental (for several reasons) She didn't know me from Adam! I didn't have a fcukin clue where I was. I went back to the bedroom to pick up my things, keys wallet etc and noticed that her clothes were still strewn all over the floor so I had a sneaky look and unfortunately, true to from, she was a 14. This had been a typical Thursday night out in the City and it must have been about 8am by now and I had to get to work, so walking aimlessly around the streets, even though I didn't have a fcukin clue where I was I had the brainwave to call my Bro as he'd been out the night before so hoped he'd be able to help. Clever bástard that he is, he said to me just look at the street name to see what London postcode it is and that'll give you an idea of where you are. Nice one Bro. So I had a look and. Bollox. No fcukin London postcode, just the name of the street that I was soon to find out having hailed a cab was just north of Whetstone. So I got a cab to the station and arrived at work very late, hungover, looking and feeling like shite and dressed in the same clothes as the day before. The one that got away.
[Post edited 20 May 2016 16:41]
I would put a few quid on that little club downstairs in the city being called Charlie's?! Spent a good portion of my 20s and a little bit of my 30s in there on a Thursday or Friday night always wondering how I'd allowed myself to get into such a mess yet again.
1
When was The First Time You Were Drunk. on 01:55 - May 24 with 2765 views
When was The First Time You Were Drunk. on 15:23 - May 21 by Silverfoxqpr
I would put a few quid on that little club downstairs in the city being called Charlie's?! Spent a good portion of my 20s and a little bit of my 30s in there on a Thursday or Friday night always wondering how I'd allowed myself to get into such a mess yet again.
Could have been Charlies but then I'm also being unreliably informed that it was Cozy's?!
The most pissed I have been ( certainly not my first time) was my 18th, got given 30 free tickets for Oceans nightclub in Bracknell having told them I was going to be 21! Had people I didn’t even know knocking on my door for a freebie, anyhow we met in the Bull pub in the town centre where I drank about 6 pints before heading off to the club, in the club every pint I had was spiked with a spirit, I can vaguely remember snogging some bird before crawling on my hands and knees to the toilets, I can remember looking at myself in the mirror and getting further away, I collapsed backwards into the urinals unconscious. My best mates then took me home ( one was driving that night) my mum predicting what would happen had trusted one of my mates with a front door key, they opened the door and started to carry me upstairs when my mum called out, my mates bottled it and dropped me on the stairs and departed leaving my mum to put me to bed, as she undid my trousers I promptly pissed all over her!!
favourite cheese mature Cheddar. FFS there is no such thing as the EPL
The wonderful memories of drinking - some short tales.
The first was at 13 after winning a football premiership we all went back to the coach's house which was a farm in the hills. Memories include working out I didn't much like beer but brandy and coke was ok. May be it was to do with watching others crack raw eggs into a beer and sculling. Meanwhile others were getting their first driving lessons by tearing around a paddock in an old ute. Felt sorry for the gear box, it got more hammered than most of my team mates. Could never work out why some parents had odd looks on their faces when they came to pick up their very under the weather kids!! At least my mum didn't have to worry about a - having wobby boots on and head butting the car door than falling side ways in, b - desperately searching for a bucket in the boot to save the car's upholstery, c - wishing cars of the day [1976] had electronic windows before their little washed out wobbles started doing strange drawings on the glass using their mouths projectiles as paint.
Another was a the local pubs social club do by which time I had graduated to Bundy [Ozzie rum] and coke. Being that we had all put some coin in during the year it was all for free. Unfortunately some developed the stomach is bigger than the eyes when it came to having a quiet few or should I say many!! The best effort was one who decided a coma was in order and wandered down the back of the yard and had a nap under a large tree. A couple of enterprising young men choose to play doctor and thought the best cure was to get some plaster of paris they had [I didn't ask why] in the back of their car and applied it to his arm. When he woke up the story was told of him falling over one of the large roots of the tree and falling down in pain. He was taken to the doctor's and he bandaged up the broken? arm. He was oh so grateful for the swift medical attention further drinks were to be provided next week, although he did have some explaining to do to his boss when he went to work the next day. It must of been a great show as some developed limited memories and it took them 2 further days to remember to tell the unfortunate victim of said accident that he could cut the plaster off as the bone had made a miraculous recovery. The look of recovery was apparently priceless.
Another was when after a steady but long night on the demon drink I awoke in the middle of said night and thought a demon had entered the house. So I got up tore around the bed and according to the girlfriend of the time started shadow boxing with the phantom intruder. Being so quick witted I finally remembered we had a full length mirror on the back of the bedroom door and I was about to punch myself out!!
[Post edited 21 Oct 2018 12:14]
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
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When was The First Time You Were Drunk. on 13:24 - Oct 21 with 1392 views
The first time that I can remember was aged 18 in August 1969.
I was working in the office of a plastics manufacturer in Amersham, which was my first job, & handed in my notice in the morning. Denise, in the ofiice, had her birthday that day & my present to her was a duty free bottle of Whisky. The two of us, along with Sue went to the park at lunchtime & promtly emptied the bottle, with yours trult consuming over 50%.
I drove back to work with Sue covering my eyes many times. However, I felt great to start with & was actually working hard. Then I had to visit the loo. Two hours later they had to break down the door to the sit down & rescue me, before driving me home. I had to go out that night to avoid my parents knowing that I had abused myself!
Come Monday morning, I was called in to see two of the bosses & I suspeted my employment had finished early. On the contrary. They asked how I was & told me that this had been part of my education, but warned me that being drunk at work was normally frowned upon!
I have never forgotten how well they treated me, or drunk Whisky since!
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When was The First Time You Were Drunk. on 13:55 - Oct 21 with 1375 views
I be run away to sea nigh on 16 year old. Got a tot of rum ferm Capn' Olaf The incontinent whilst becalmed orf Jamaiky. "Get that down ya lad,it'll put hair on yer binnacle!" sez he.
Yo Ho!
[Post edited 21 Oct 2018 13:57]
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When was The First Time You Were Drunk. on 16:53 - Oct 21 with 1302 views
Fifteen years old. Two bottles of Merrydown cider at a house party. Was so pissed I climbed into a disused chest freezer to stop myself vomiting in their house. When my old man came to collect me he decided that he wasn't going to risk putting me in his new (second hand) Beamer so he walked home 4 miles with me. I had a hangover for about 3 days.
100% of people who drink water will die.
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When was The First Time You Were Drunk. on 18:25 - Oct 21 with 1270 views
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