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Yes that's right ladies and gentlemen it's a triumphant return for the press conference thread. Biscuits are out, Wally Downes Jnr has been muzzled, Gareth Ainsworth is ready to play us out with Stairway to Heaven and the dry ice machine has had its running repairs.
It's an Ollie and Birch tag team, they've arrived with a shirt to pose for pics.
People told me never to go back when I went to Bristol Rovers. It's a no brainer, how could I not come back here, I love the place? I told my Sky boss if QPR came back for me I'd have to go, and they did and I have. I thought they would one day. I'm delighted.
I was 29 years old, my manager left, Gerry Frances, I loved him, he taught me things and I wanted to leave. He went back to his club, QPR. I got a call saying do you want to come, I had all sorts of problems with my family moving and what have you but I had to come. He said you might not play but you'll rub off on pepple. I wasn't a flair player, but I played 150 times, I did rub off on people, it eas the best days of my footballing life. I achieved a goal here. Coming back as a manager, we were the first big club in administration, I didn't know what was going on. I did it once, with people who cared about the club, and I want to do that again. We had a spell where the owenrs tried to buy success and ended up with people who didn't care. This fella next to me was one of those who helped me the first time make everybody care. When its burning in you it shows. I got them back to where they were on half the playing budget - £5.6m down to £2.8m. It's something I've dreamed of coming back, I've had two days and it feels like two months because I know the place and I'm used to it.
Bircham knows the youngsters I want to bring through already. No perfect job for anybody but I fell I'm already running.
I went to see the Under 23s on the day I came to sign here, they were 2-0 down, came back to win 3-2, one lad scored twice. I went down to the dressing room afterwards and the little glimmer in their eyes, that's what I've missed. I try and get talented people around me and rub off on them a bit.
I've just seen Terri down the road again, she's 84, I gave her a big hug, she was all over me and Kim. This club is for the people in this area.
It can';t be any better for me than working with somebody like Les. It's here, it's professional, it's ready for me to add to it. I try and take ownership of it and make people care and take responsibility. Football is very different now to ten years ago, the biggest problem football people have is to make these players real people. On a level, grounded. That's what I'm here to do.
Les had the potential to be a superstar. You need the environment to get it out of you. We created that environment. He always stayed the same, a proper bloke from Hayes, never selfish, passed the ball when it had to be passed. We want young hungry people like that, with a sprinkling of the right characters, and we'll work hard to achieve what I've achieved before and want to do it again. Nothing would make me prouder to do it here, get to the Premier League.
This season I want to give them some TLC, a bit of love, a bit of belief. We've got some very talented boys, to get them into a team and a shape is going to be difficult — we’ve got a lot of number 10s, they'd all be good there. But the attitude is so refreshing, and I know the work that's been done here to try and clear the slate after the last few years. We were so reliant on Charlie to score goals. I want a chance to get into these people, get them free, get them going forwards, be creative, score goals.
Long term I want to teach every aspect of football, play the academy lads in all different positions. Brilliantly balanced young men coming into the first team. I don't want to loan them out, I want them in my team.
Short term I know how to defend my way to a result, attack my way to a result. It's a tough competition. We're six from the top and six from the bottom. We've got goals in this team, I want to change our stats at home — 13 against, seven at home.
We'll get there. I'd be foolish to say when, but it is when. Are there that many clubs that far ahead of us in this league? Two or three. They're not brilliant, they're not infallible. Truth is I know what I want to do, I don't know how long it will take, how lucky we're going to be.
I want to play a way that is modern and exciting. The game is changing all the time. Can somebody do a high press, overload an area, and sustain that to win the Premier League? Last year a counter attacking team won it. That's not sustainable though, the more they pass it round you the more you have to run.
I have to win games. I have to look like I'm winning games. It's more and more difficult in a crazy world of football. Arsene Wenger is my target, give me 20 years here I'll be over the moon. But I've got to win games. I'm a greta position to bring all my knowledge to the table. I can't wait for a fresh start.
Bircham is speaking at last!
I always thought I'd be back here, probably not this soon. When Ollie called it was a no brainer. It feels like I haven't been away.
I know the squad, I've been watching in the US. It's an Ian Holloway type squad.
It's just my luck, I always come here when the money isn't as good as it was before. It's a good squad of good players, it just needs a tweek. Ollie is the man. It'll give the place a buzz, we want a team that reflects us as people. We might not win every week but we want to play with pride and passion.
We're a working man's club. We're a club players come to to progress their career. You shouldn't earn millions at QPR. It's in a good spot off the field with Tony and the owners, Les controlling it. We all have the club at heart, it's exciting times.
End of Bircham.
Sky are now asking about fcking Gareth Southgate. I'm not even typing this up.
Olly's gone off on one about the FA. No shouting "hounded out" about Glenn Hoddle. Graham Taylor had a turnip on his head. What are we doing to our own game? Gareth Southgate, well done son, we're going to take our time? To do what? What have you been doing. Now literally yelling give him the job. It's all gone to pot :-D
My builder Paul said he turned over, couldn't watch it, biggest England supporter ever. It's wrong.
Who are they? The FA? What is our style? The Germans, how clever are they, picked Guardiola's brains, look at their team, hammered Brazil, they've learnt. We're an island, we look at our island, we don't look over anybody's fence to see what they're doing.
Cut to a wide shot of the journos, they look worried.
Do we actually want to win something? Do we? I want to be as happy as my dad when we won the World Cup. The FA and FL should be looking to keep the dialogue going about the game restructure.
No talking about toilet etiquette on the Sky tour bus. Kim Holloway in the background telling him to move on.
I'm a busy person, I have to be in somebody's life and effect them.
Every time I walk back in this place it takes me back, some wonderful nmemories, some bad ones as well. We lost 4-0 to Cardiff here a lady threw her season ticket at me, I can't repeat what she said. What we had to go through then was real. I like to take responsibility.
I want to tell the supporters the truth, tell the players the truth, and have us all unite as one. That happened for me at Blackpool. He's signing now. I was brave enough to play in an entertaining way. We would lose, but you have to deal with that. Benitez, first two games this season after defeats, calm. Does a Benitez impression. I've got passion, but I'm calm.
I've got every club in the bag here. I had a putter and a seven iron before.
Bircham is creased up.
This is the only job I would have come back for, the lifestyle was good there, the football was good, but it was Ian Holloway and QPR I had to come back. Knowing what the club needs and where it is it all points to Ian. If he has the right squad and type of players they play for him.
I coached Canadian youth teams, different tactics faced there. It helps as a coach going abroad. Coming back here we know what we want.
End of Bircham.
Holloway says thanks to the fans. Thank for how you supported me before. Thanks for caring about the club like you do. If it's down to what a club means to you being the manager, then you've just appointed the right bloke. It's not where you start, it's where you end up. Not where we get a player from, where we take them too. Lee Hoos is a wonderful man, Tony is full of enthusiasm, but Les epitomises this club for me. He wants to nurture this place and grow it. I'm tingling with the sense of wellbeing we have about this football club. What more can I say, apart from Peterborough away we lost 4-1 and they sang 'you're not famous any more' and that wa smy darkest day. I had a taxi driver go mad at me, so I showed him the squad, I told him he was injured, he was suspended, and he ended up picking the same team as me.
You can't always win, look at the competition.
It's still going.
Now talking about Barrack Obama. I'm going to pick up the baton, I believe in that baton, I know how I want it to look. I'm going to run, so hard and so fast and so well, that I'm going to be worn out. I'll give it every single bit of me. When I hand it over this club will be in a much better place, just like I did last time. I can't wait to start running.
And that's it! Jesus Christ.
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Next stop for this train, Twisted Metaphor Central - Presser on 23:49 - Nov 16 with 757 views
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