If you're actually certifiable, and you're going to Hillsborough on Tuesday to watch QPR, then here's some information on where you can seek medical help.

Ground Name: Hillsborough

Capacity: 39 812 (all seated)

Address: Hillsborough, Sheffield, S6 1SW

Main Telephone No: 0870 999 1867

Ticket Office: 0871 230 1867

By Car:

Straight up the M1 for this one so watch out for the dreaded average speed checks as you go past Nottingham. There are two ways to get to the ground once in the Sheffield area. The easiest way, but longest, is to go up the M1 past Sheffield to junction 36 and then follow the A61 into Sheffield, sign posted ‘Sheffield North’. This will bring you directly to the ground and avoid all the nonsense in the middle of town, but it’s a good 15 miles longer than option two which is junction 34 at Meadowhall then the A6178 signposted for Sheffield.

Go straight on past TGI Fridays on your left and the shopping centre on your right until you reach arena square with Sheffield Arena on your left and some chain pub or other on your right. Follow signs for the city centre, taking a right turn over the humped river bridge by the forge mill. At the next roundabout/traffic light junction go straight on following signs for the Northern General Hospital, under the railway on the A6102. Stay on the 6102 through the traffic light junction at the hospital as it becomes Herries Road and then winds it’s way up a hill and through a housing estate. After five miles or so it heads down under a viaduct and the ground is directly ahead of you. If I’ve made that sound complicated it’s really not.

Option three is junction 33 and into the centre of Sheffield on the 'Parkway'. As you go past Matalan on the left join the two lanes to the right signposted for Barnsley, mind the speed camera just inside the 40 limit, and fork right at the traffic lights. Then basically follow that dual carriageway straight to Hillsborough through a million sets of traffic lights.

Option four is to park at Meadowhall for free at junction 34 and get a yellow line tram from there towards Middlewood, that stops at Leppings Lane which is right behind the away end but will take a good 40 minutes. Trams leave every ten minutes.

Map:

Parking:

No official car parking at the ground but with plenty of street parking, businesses offering their car parks, and the nearby greyhound stadium and casino having an ample car park as well you should not really be struggling. As I said earlier if you want to park by the M1 and ride in then leave your car for free at Meadowhall and get a yellow line tram heading towards Middlewood as far as Leppings Lane.

By Train

Two options for this trip, and some real bargains to be had given it’s a midweeker. Sadly, no way of getting back after the match though so an overnight stay would be required. See you all in The Harley until late.

Either try East Midlands Trains from St Pancras to Sheffield direct with a journey time just over two hours — on the day of the game you can go up for £23 and there are some £20 tickets available at 11.29 the day after so a £43 round trip.

The other option is to go on the faster East Coast service from Kings Cross to Doncaster and then spend a couple of quid on a the ninky nonk across to Sheffield from there. Lots of £18.15 tickets up there in the middle of Tuesday, and if you go back at 15.17 on Wednesday from Doncaster (arriving 16.59) tickets are just a tenner so you can get there and back for £28.15 which isn’t bad at four days notice.

Coaches

The official club coach leaves Loftus Road at 14.00 with a 14.30 pick up at the Target Roundabout. This is priced £32 adults, £21 seniors and young adults, and £19 for under 16s with the usual £2 discount for season ticket holders.

The LSA coach leaves the Springbok at 14.00 priced £30 adults and £25 concessions. Call Gary on 07506 028 189 to book your place.

Pubs

A lot of the pubs around the ground are away fan unfriendly but if you are coming in from junction 36 down the A61 try the New Bridge Inn which is a decent place. Most QPR fans drink in the city centre before these games and get a tram out later — the pubs on West Street are pretty poor and mostly packed with students, avoid the Cavendish, it’s a hell hole, but on the adjacent Division Street you’ll find the Frog and Parrott and then across the green is the Devonshire Cat with a wide selection of real ale. The standard Wetherspoons, RSVP, Lloyds etc are all at the end of Division Street near John Lewis. Many QPR fans arriving by train use The Howard or The Globe which are directly opposite the station, or the Old Monk and The Graduate next to the Crucible.

Tickets

Given that, as we all well know, that away end can hold 8,000 fans if needs be, there shouldn’t be much problem getting a ticket for this one. Buy in advance for £27 adults, or £16 over 65s and under 18s, or pay on the day for a pound extra. Eight loyalty points on offer for the advance purchase though. Disabled and ambulant disabled tickets available in the West Stand at the same price.

Links >>> Detailed fans' guide to Hillsborough >>> Official website

The Twitter - @loftforwords

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