Bosh returns with a look back on QPR's win against Doncaster Rovers at the weekend.

In a week that saw the R’s arrive thirteen minutes late for the Sheffield United game, only to find it was all over and the only inbound arrival being a six inch QPR kitted garden gnome in the club shop, loosely modelled on club owner Ernie Beckleston, loosely because it’s taller, Rangers found themselves facing a strong Donkey-arseter side that played the game on the ground and not 200 feet up in the air at the same level as our jumbo screen.

Rangers recalled Martin Rollemin to mark the bench as QPR boss and Brad Pitt’s face in a Moulinex look-a-like I-am No Dowtfired rang the changes. With three thousand over stocked Rangers gnomes filling the W12 club area and a classy fanfare for the players arrival that would have made even Peter Stringfellow weep with pride the R’s set about the rinky dinky Doncsters in familiar fashion.

Rangers plans to go behind came undone as early as the fifth minute when Donny Parrotjoy flicked an inch perfect free kick in to the path of channel 5’s serial killer Dexter who dispatched the ball into the net for one nil. The touchline staff held their heads in their hands as their best laid plans to come back from two down suddenly went out the window.

After just short of 30 minutes No Dowtfired and Gnasher Aimlessworth were throwing their clipboards to the ground in disgust once more as Argi Ledargi ghosted in to fire home an impressive second. There were frantic gestures from the management asking the defence why they were looking so solid and why we were seemingly cruising? Why couldn’t they stick to the plan? As the referee very unkindly booked Ledargi for over celebrating his goal, a celebration that saw the youngster take over 500 supporters at the Loft end on an impromptu week long holiday to Crete, Fritz Oneball duly obliged by snapping his groin in two to try and help unbalance half an hour that had never been prepared for on the training ground. It didn’t work.

As the half poured by you could feel the tension in the stands growing as Radish Curley came out and continually caught the ball before rolling it out sensibly. Where was the 90 yard hoof football and bad marking we had all been promised? Fortunately half time wasn’t too far away and Rangers could regroup and discuss just what had gone wrong in the first half where the Donkeys had seen much of the ball and played in so many short pretty passing patterns that an Amish ladies sewing group could have made a beautiful patchwork quilt with it… And still possibly posed more threat than the Doncs did.

In the second half Rangers took their foot off the gas and let the visitors complete gorgeous triangles of passing that at one stage threatened to get them out of their own area. Minutes later Radish Curley even went home to watch the end of the Olympics, stopped on his way back to the ground for a late all day breakfast, read the paper and arrived back only a few minutes before the end to find that nothing had happened. Rangers were able to bring on Rollemin for the last ten minutes (which became 32) as the refs watch had obviously stopped last Tuesday when he accidentally went swimming with it still on. Rolls ran up and down the park like a Yorkshire terrier on speed and in the end Donkeynastier’s management had to just throw down their passing etch-a-sketch and call it a day.

Speaking after the whistle, Rangers gaffer Dowtfired confessed the first half had sat uneasily with him.

“You practice all week to lose concentration in the first ten minutes and then that happens,” barked the obviously furious boss, who recently came second in a beauty contest to Chewbacca. “There are some players who had to take a long hard look at themselves at halftime today. They’d been alert, marking up, clearing their lines, passing well and scoring. What can you do with a team when they do that? Stewpeas won everything out there today for crying out loud, I could barely look at him after the game. What can I coach him now if he’s going to concentrate for 90 minutes like that? And we have a keeper who caught the ball rather than missing it or punching it. We’d worked all week on that and the bugger goes and catches it. Not once but several times. What’s going on?”

Rangers have a chance to bounce back to poor form next week against Bristol Cider and No Dowtfired will be hoping that there is no repeat of today’s opening mad thirty minute competent goal spree. – Bosh Times

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