Spurs To Target Saints Head Of Car Parking
Monday, 17th Nov 2014 14:28

When Tottenham Hotspur Chairman Daniel Levy stated that the Culture at Spurs had to change he was not joking as our mole at White Hart Lane has discovered.

Spurs defeat against Stoke City at White Hart Lane was the straw that broke the camel's back for Daniel Levy, obviously the North London Soccer Chickens had been in sticky situations before, but this one was different, none of the other periods of turmoil had been the fault of Levy and he wasn't about to be blamed for the latest one either.

This was a situation where he could no longer just point the finger at the current manager , for one reason he has had so many in the last year he couldn't quite remember which ones he had fired and which ones he hadn't got round to yet.

The discovery of Tim Sherwood in a room outside his office back in June had been a wake up call for Levy who had left last season's coach outside and forgotten to invite him inside to fire him, it was only when Mauricio Pochettino asked where his tracksuit top was that Levy had remembered where he had left Sherwood.

But this was only the tip of the iceberg, with Levy's rotating door policy there were always being people discovered on the payroll whom the Chairman had forgotten to sack, these included Harry Redknapp's dog and Glenn Hoddle's personal hairdresser, as Levy knew well when you are firing people on a weekly basis its easy to miss one or two.

So the culture change will start with the appointment of Paul Mitchell who had been employed at Pochettino's former club Southampton as head of player recruitment, Levy knew that although it probably would be of no help to Pochettino whose Spurs future is still plottable on a 2014 Calendar at the moment, but it would convince ENIC that Levy himself did have a plan that could be construed as long(ish) term and that player tranfers would no longer be done by drawing balls out of a hat FA Cup draw style.

But culture changes have to be far reaching, the Spurs Chairman had been concerned for some while about the state of the car park at both White Hart lane and the training ground, Bentley's, Ferrari's and Range Rovers were all over the place, at times it resembled the Spurs back four in its shambolic state with no discernible way of knowing what exactly was going on.

Levy had been impressed by the slick parking regime at St Mary's when he had visited in the past, he had had little time for Nicola Cortese but he did admire the way the Swiss Italian had changed the parking culture at the stadium, on previous visits Levy had been unable to park in a good spot, now with gates and ticket machines it was a pleasure.

In fact even when Levy had attempted to leave and could not find his £2 to pay the parking, he was not annoyed by the almost military style in which he was told that he either found the £2 or stayed where he was, this is what he wanted at the Lane, someone with that authority to impose the rules and that there would be no deviation from them. The Spurs Chairman was even more impressed when an Old Age Pensioner lost his ticket, perhaps understandably given his age, but there would be no pity shown by the Saints car parking department, the old man who possibly had fought for his country was told he either paid the full 24 hour cost for a lost ticket within 15 minutes of his car would be blown up in a controlled explosion.

However back last December when Levy had been so impressed by this Adolph Heartless head of parking at St Mary's turned down all of Spurs furtive advances, trebling his salary was not enough for Heartless who felt that no money would be enough and no club ruthless enough to tempt him away from his dream job.

Now though Levy saw his chance, the Parking regime at St Mary's was now different, he could now park for an hour without charge rahter than the previous 44 1/2 seconds and when he said he lost his ticket, someone even came to help him look for it and when it couldnt be found told him not to worry and opened the gate, what sort of way was this to run a car park Levy thought.

He sought out Adolph Heartless and was dismayed to find him sat in a shed behind the Gasometer, a broken man bemoaning the lack of "Good old fashioned parking values at Saints".

It did not take long to bring a smile to Heartless's face once Levy had explained the remit.

1.To ensure no former Spurs manager gained entrance to the WHL car park (even Heartless knew the enormity of this task and asked for and was granted an extra 4 members of staff to enforce it)

2. To bring in and enforce draconian parking measures based on Mussolini's 1935 "No alla Fiat" laws that made it a capital offence to overstay your time in a parking bay

3. To enforce a zero tolerance policy on those without the correct change.

4. To create an armed response unit in the Spurs car parking department, with a shoot to kill policy being implemented.

5. To create a minefield in the car park

6. To build a series of watch towers with machine guns.

7. To set up a canine unit made up of half starved pit bulls abandoned on the nearby Broadwater Farm Estate

This brought joy to Heartless, this was almost identical to the Blueprint that had enticed him to Southampton Football Club initially, albeit without the wanton hatred of the Club's supporters . Heartless had so much enjoyed that at St Mary's, however as he felt in time he would be able to bring the Spurs Chairman round to this way of thinking after a couple of more home defeats, he immediately accepted the job, clamping Levy's car for good measure to show his professionalism.

So that is another member of our staff heading to White Hart Lane, brazenly poached by a club that will seemingly only stop at changing Spurs kit to red & white stripes before they are finished

As we speak Southampton Football Club Officials are desperately covering St Mary's and Staplewood with a fine toothcomb to find out if anyone else is missing as well as to find the full extent of Spurs territorial ambitions

Photo: Action Images

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