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Looking in the mirror this morning, I noticed for the first time that my eyebrows were starting to go a bit 'Dennis Healey'. I had to take my razor to them to have a tidy-up. More alarming was the hair that was starting to emerge from my ears. I'm now 47 and seem to be making the transformation (gradual, I hope) to old git. I was reminded about Billy Connolly's comments about his pubes going grey and remarking that his todger looked a bit like Stewart Grainger from a certain angle.
I suppose that there comes a time when one simply can't be arsed about appearance, but I imagine I'm a few years shy of that right now.
Can anyone here offer me any consolation and (more to the point) - those who have experienced such follicular manifestations, what other horrors do I have to look forward to?
"Thank you for supporting Queens Park Rangers Steep Staircase"... and I thought I'd signed up for a rollercoaster.
I have got a terrible confession to make (this is a good place to do it and it won't be the most embarrassing thing to be posted): a few years ago I had the idea that the old arse crack was a bit busy on the hair front so whilst idly sitting in the bath I grabbed my razor and had a quick scrape (so to speak) - without the aid of a mirror, or shaving gel for that matter. Initially - no major issues. Within a couple of days, major itching.
I confessed this to a couple of mates in a Chinese in Brum before the Villa game a few years back and they nearly choked on their noodles. Honestly, I don't know what's happened to the new 'sensitive man'...
Edit: Can any other poster please confirm / admit to such male grooming habits(?) - just to reassure me that I'm not completely weird. (I can handle just being plain and simple weird).
[Post edited 8 Jun 2016 14:02]
"Thank you for supporting Queens Park Rangers Steep Staircase"... and I thought I'd signed up for a rollercoaster.
I forgot about the old nasal stragglers - they can make the eyes water, to say the least. Is it gentlemanly conduct to borrow your wife's / girlfriend's nail scissors to keep these under control, by the way?
"Thank you for supporting Queens Park Rangers Steep Staircase"... and I thought I'd signed up for a rollercoaster.
Simply ensure your thumb and first finger have strong finely manicured nails and spend many a happy erstwhile hour at your workstation tugging out fuse wire.
However, should you then place freshly plugged follicle between your teeth then....
i will find you.
And I will kill you
Cherish and enjoy life.... this ain't no dress rehearsal
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Hair apparent (non QPR) on 14:46 - Jun 8 with 8799 views
I'm the same age as you and fighting the same 'losing' battle. Eye brows that are out of control Hair sprouting from all parts of my ears Nostril hair that is getting thicker as my hair line recedes All the hair that I'm losing from my forehead is reappearing all over my back
Sorry though, you're definitely on your own with the @rse trimming
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Hair apparent (non QPR) on 14:49 - Jun 8 with 8792 views
Mytch — I feel your pain. It’s weird for me, because I’m the least hairy bloke in the world, so whilst I could never muster a proper beard or even sideburns, I’ve advanced straight to hairy ears, nostrils and wire eyebrows. Which seems unfair. My nose and eyebrows, I do with a Remington(?) trimmer and my son’s nail scissors (sorry, mate), whilst my hair dresser sorts out my ears. I had a year of visiting a local Turkish barber, and the first time they did the old flaming ears thing, I had no idea it was coming, so nearly fell out of the seat with panic.
I haven’t been near the old downstairs hair, but I do shave my armpits (wife’s razor) and the other day, I nearly sliced my right nipple off in the shower, whilst not paying attention. As it was, I got away with a slight nick, but there was blood and much tenderness.
Shaving armpits is ace. My deodorant would always either just get rubbed off onto my clothes, making them either white/crusty or wet (looking like sweat stains) or would just sit in my armpit hair doing nothing; since shaving, my pits are as dry as you like with no stains or discolouring on clothes. It's the way forward.
Fulham FC: It's the taking part that counts
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Hair apparent (non QPR) on 14:56 - Jun 8 with 8773 views
Hi mate, good to hear from you. Nobody seems to be admitting to the bum crack razor experiment. I am adamant that someone else would have done it (either out of pure curiosity or as a result of too many beers).
The flaming ears thing sounds terrifying - do they just shove a fag lighter in there or something?
I like the tip about the armpit maintenance. You're a metrosexual man who is very much in touch with his feminine side / wife's Ladyshave.
As you know, I do a bit of running and there is a danger of nipple damage. However, I'm not sure which is worse - the chafing or the pain of ripping the plasters off afterwards. Your little accident sounded painful(!)
"Thank you for supporting Queens Park Rangers Steep Staircase"... and I thought I'd signed up for a rollercoaster.
It's more of a flame thrower vibe. They also used to give me a pretty rough massage, which involved a bloke virtually sitting on my lap for about a quarter of an hour, they'd then steam my face and send me off doused in about eight litres of the worst cologne ever, so I eventually sacked them off and went back to my Russian hairdresser, who I can't understand, but has a lovely smile. I've since moved on from her to a nice Lithuanian bloke, to whom I accidentally gave the impression I was into comic books/sci-fi, so he now spends the whole time trying to talk to me about that stuff and I have no idea what he's chatting about.
I actually find getting my barnet done quite stressful - one of the Turkish blokes used to always try and talk to me about cars - I've never even had a driving lesson - and he'd give me a full car spec for like an Audi A3 with 54,000 miles on the clock and ask me what I'd expect to pay for it, like some kind of test and we'd have to go through the whole higher/lower thing until I got there. My starting point was always £11K. Actually, that's the main reason I went back to the Russian woman. Before that, I had a women who asked me what I did for a living - I explained that I looked after a system for Fund Managers, but she got it stuck in her head I was a Fund Manager, so kept asking me for investment tips and advice on when to buy her holiday money and after a while her colleagues started asking me about all that sh it too. I find the whole experience a massive wear out.
Fulham FC: It's the taking part that counts
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Hair apparent (non QPR) on 15:29 - Jun 8 with 8698 views
It should be straightforward but it isn't. There seems to be a need for the barber / stylist to have a conversation (albeit utterly mindless) - as though they have a morbid fear of the sound of scissors. The women always ask either (a) doing anything interesting this weekend? or (b) have you booked your holidays yet?
The problem is that all of the people waiting behind you get to hear about it all. I'm generally quite a private person when I'm not explaining the benefits of bum crack shaving or the disadvantages of ripping surgical tape off my nips.
The last woman who did my rug had pink hair and some interesting piercings. I felt old, jaded and uninteresting so I ordered some DM shoes with leopard prints to try to compensate for my inadequacies. I haven't worn them yet.
£11k is quite a good guess for the Audi, by the way.
"Thank you for supporting Queens Park Rangers Steep Staircase"... and I thought I'd signed up for a rollercoaster.
Armpit shaving! Interesting stuff. Never considered it but now you're making it sound ace and also very worthwhile and with many benefits so I'd like to repay the favour and suggest you do go downstairs but as a shared experience as doing it on your own would just be weird. It's very rewarding on many levels.
With reference to my last post, here are the shoes (actually it's giraffe print, to be factually correct). Any comments about having a mid-life crisis will be ignored / dwelled upon to the point of losing sleep.
I did buy a pair (not just one - that would be stupid).
"Thank you for supporting Queens Park Rangers Steep Staircase"... and I thought I'd signed up for a rollercoaster.
i have had that thing when the Turkish barber does a flame thing which incinerates the hairs in your ear. It is a bit alarming and i have resorted to plucking them out with tweezers. The old nose has got a bit hairy to in the last couple of years.
Re the arse thing i did know a bloke who used to shave his before glastonbury as he claimed it assisted with a clean drop when not bog roll/showers available
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Hair apparent (non QPR) on 16:20 - Jun 8 with 8576 views
i'm nearly 50 and I must conceed defeat and admit that my parting is starting to grow at a rate of knots and whats going on in my lugholes is no ones business, and don't get me started on nose hair, every time you pluck one out another 3 grow in its place like some kind of deranged Hydra. But anyway , if folding yourself like a sandwich and taking a bic razor to your balloon knot does not float your boat, my kid sister runs a male grooming salon in Windsor. Don't get me wrong she don't do me , thats too freaky even by my standards , but if you think waxing is all its cracked up to be then give her a shout
www.manzilian.co.uk
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Hair apparent (non QPR) on 16:30 - Jun 8 with 8536 views
This is all getting a bit strange. I was watching your sister (I assume that's your sister, and very lovely she looks too) but I don't have sound on my PC at work, so I imagined her saying things like "I take great pleasure in ordering these puny specimens around my salon, ripping the short and curlies from their most imtimate areas, then charging a small fortune for the privilege. Very often, their wives or partners will also pay to sit behind a one way mirror with a glass of bubbly to watch them being humiliated".
I must get out more often.
"Thank you for supporting Queens Park Rangers Steep Staircase"... and I thought I'd signed up for a rollercoaster.
I get the barber to use the clippers set to 0.5 on my eyebrows and still need them done every 10 days. I'm suffering from a strange issue whereby even with them cut this short I will occasionally awake to a random inch long white hair that has just appeared overnight.
My Mrs waxes my nose hair, not as painful as it sounds and lasts for a couple of months.
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Hair apparent (non QPR) on 17:15 - Jun 8 with 8437 views
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