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Extracts from the plague diary of Mark ne-Francois-Pepys
June 9th 1665
Up, betimes and to my cash & carry in Bristol for two barrels of Monster, and there is excitement in the harbour so I mounted an empty plinth and spake:
And grievously hath Colston answer’d it. Here, under Avon, Farage and the rest – For Farage is an honourable man; So are they all, these Bad Boys of Brexit – Come I to speak at Colston’s immersion. He was my friend, faithful and just to me:
Criminal damage doth provoke outcry: Yet Wigmore says he was ambitious; And Wigmore is an honourable man. You all did see that on the dockside wall I did present my peeler of potatoes, Which Colston, a statue, then did refuse.
O judgment! thou art fled to brutish memes, And men have lost their reason. Bear with me; My heart is in the Avon there with Colston, And I must swim till it come back to me.
‘Where there is harmony, may we bring discord. Where there is truth, may we bring error. Where there is faith, may we bring doubt. And where there is hope, may we bring despair’
faster than I can cope with them and I do believe it would be an excellent metaphor for a shit strategy; after, to put things in order against my dinner celebrating the ended freedoms and self-imposed sanctions of the great Brextoration, I out and bought Vienetta and a
gnawing Delingpole and a Lindt chocolate and so home and at noon comes my company namely Tim Wetherspoons, Sarah Vine and my aunt Jones newly out of Wales and Michael Gove did not come because he was not yet able to pay me the 40s. he had of me a year ago for some
and they eyed my putting two flaggons of Monster upon my table and it was a fine sight and we looked forward to the day, ere our new borders generate twice as much again, that we may burn all the EU red tape in the M20 lorry park, and a great joy it is, that it is and
will be still to me, to not be allowed to go to Europe any more, because I never went anyway. And after remembering I’d forgot to post the Covid test results to local authorities again, linted Lindt, bed.
‘Where there is harmony, may we bring discord. Where there is truth, may we bring error. Where there is faith, may we bring doubt. And where there is hope, may we bring despair’
‘Where there is harmony, may we bring discord. Where there is truth, may we bring error. Where there is faith, may we bring doubt. And where there is hope, may we bring despair’
‘Where there is harmony, may we bring discord. Where there is truth, may we bring error. Where there is faith, may we bring doubt. And where there is hope, may we bring despair’
the boy Bridgen’s chamber pot which made the woman mighty aggrieved; but I must have adequate technical training wear, for a celebrity diarist will be new needing a six-pack for all the dancing, SAS and bug-eating competitions he may be invited on; so I went forth in a pair
I am benching at the moment and I did discourse ‘250’ and they spake ‘250?!’, so I spake ‘150’ and they spake ‘150!?’ so I spake ‘50, it goes up and down mate’ and they set me to benching 50 and I am immediately trapped 'neath the barbell, my wind out of me and ribs
kitchen out of bounds that The Johnson did put his oven-ready chips in the range, which not knowing the nature of an oven he has never yet done, and did mighty overbake them and smoke it out, but anon, whilst making my Pot Noodle with the hot tap in the bogs, my ERG militia
brokering of an untold number of new trade deals from scratch by a government that has just failed to negotiate the deal that it itself described as the ‘easiest in human history’, that come with it! Monster Munch. Bed.
‘Where there is harmony, may we bring discord. Where there is truth, may we bring error. Where there is faith, may we bring doubt. And where there is hope, may we bring despair’
exhibitionists’ quest for pubic visibility, that Beefy is the first member of the chamber ever to have tweeted a picture of his own member; and Claire Fox too, another of these self-professed fearless thinkers whose syllogistic inadequacies may be admitted a little, that the
deep undercover on the Labour benches? Lord! what courage; and we hear another Johnson the brother of The Johnson this Johnson, newly elevated too, and it is all mighty good withal, that in taking the grubby actions we expect of him, our leader plays us like a lute, knowing
colleagues unable to function, I did thank him mightily and all the afternoon together we are drinking Lambrini and Monster and eating pickled onion Monster Munch. Kinder Egg, bed.
‘Where there is harmony, may we bring discord. Where there is truth, may we bring error. Where there is faith, may we bring doubt. And where there is hope, may we bring despair’
Cheers Spud, hadn't seen that. Just ran through some of Radio 4X schedule, that's me sorted for the next few months.
‘Where there is harmony, may we bring discord. Where there is truth, may we bring error. Where there is faith, may we bring doubt. And where there is hope, may we bring despair’
Hi guys it's Michael Gove here. I've had to take Mark Francois's twitter account off him! Please direct all your future high level political correspondence via me. pic.twitter.com/zr986lCkVc
The deputy-emperor of Lilliput comes to see the author in his confinement.
At sunrise I arrived at the city gates; but the officers would by no means suffer the six-inch deputy-majesty to endanger his person, so I only saw the exterior of Boris’s mini-bar. pic.twitter.com/6sjKTxpGRo
being over-promoted to high-office. Where the carriage stopped there stood an ancient Airbus factory, esteemed to be the largest in the kingdom; which upon Lilliprexit had been left empty and according to the zeal of those people looked upon as profane. In this edifice
disburdened myself. I was under great difficulties between urgency and shame, as if determining whether or not to put tax-payer funded contracts on Ofqual’s disastrous examinations strategy out to tender, or simply bung them to my mollusc-like friends instead; the best
uncleanly an action, and I would not have dwelt so long upon it if I had not thought it necessary to justify my character; which, I am told, some of my maligners have been pleased, upon this and other occasions, to call in question; for which I cannot but hope the candid reader
‘Where there is harmony, may we bring discord. Where there is truth, may we bring error. Where there is faith, may we bring doubt. And where there is hope, may we bring despair’
‘Where there is harmony, may we bring discord. Where there is truth, may we bring error. Where there is faith, may we bring doubt. And where there is hope, may we bring despair’
sometimes let five or six of them be racist on my hand; or venture to let them play spot a scrounger from the vantage of my hair. And when these Lilliputian porkflakes got upset about a program change at a flag-waving pantomime none of them went to, I consoled them. This
and Glory whose witless confrontations were so crass even the tune’s composer disavowed it. Trained in this art of outrage from their youth, I made a good progress in understanding and speaking their language of confected rage, and made extensive notes on the divergence between
corpses piled up from plague, and fears of a no-deal Liliprexit derived economic collapse grew larger, it did occur to me that the contrived distress was a symptom of calcifying mediocrity. Yet had I unfolded to the rabble of clotted minims in my palm that music needn’t be a once
Young, Oakeshott, Grimes, Farage and the rest; that the prudent economy of their minds was so vulnerable to ambiguity, their very identity rose and fell on the crests of imaginary waves. So I placed them gently down, drew breath, and yelled: 'NOBODY CARES APART FROM YOU'
‘Where there is harmony, may we bring discord. Where there is truth, may we bring error. Where there is faith, may we bring doubt. And where there is hope, may we bring despair’
Yep, all comes down to Clinton`s unpopularity. The Democrats made a big mistake in easing Bernie Saunders out of the race. The change of direction was down to Clinton`s unpopularity more than Trump himself...
Was never a fan of HC, but couldn't see Trump wining until he gave a speech in Michigan(?).
In it he said "when I was growing up, America built cars and it wasn't safe to drink the water in Mexico, but now....."
Then you had the DNC fixing it so HC would win and Saunders couldn't win. When they got caught, they fired a senior member of the DNC, who then get employed by HC the next day. That really p***ed off Bernie's supporters, some of whom, just couldn't vote for her, with some even voting for Trump.
‘Where there is harmony, may we bring discord. Where there is truth, may we bring error. Where there is faith, may we bring doubt. And where there is hope, may we bring despair’
It came to pass that the Tory colossi had gathered in Matt Hancock’s bedsit for a tender reveal party, a fad in this land of Brobdingnag whereby the recipients of vast sums of PPE gold – strictly limited to friends of the government – pic.twitter.com/TLGo8tHO3m
that of a dozen rasping George Galloways proceeded from the purring of that animal, who I computed to be three times larger than an ox, the fierceness of it’s countenance altogether unsettling, like the look Sarah gives me when I start talking Star Trek continuity issues
fear before a fierce animal is a certain way to make it attack you, I resolved instead to remove my clothes, daub myself in Marmite, and like the great Mel Gibson in Marlowe’s Braveheart, charge it while shouting “Freeeeeedom”, which discomposed the creature somewhat. At this
a squall you might have heard from London to Perugia, after the usual oratory of infants to get me for a plaything. Boris put me towards the child, who seized me by the middle, and got my head into his mouth, where I roared so loud that the urchin was frighted and let me drop,
and I should infallibly have broke my neck, if Kay Burley had not launched her giant hand through the window and caught me, saying “Michael it’s time for your interview”.
‘Where there is harmony, may we bring discord. Where there is truth, may we bring error. Where there is faith, may we bring doubt. And where there is hope, may we bring despair’
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