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I was chatting to some bloke in the pub last night and he reckons there’s some serious money to be made in football themed public speaking appearances out in the Far-East. He reckons everyone’s at it, but it’s still a new market, so it's now or never for people who went to get in from the beginning.
So, I went home and discussed it with my wife and we’ve both now resigned from our jobs and have booked flights out to Singapore. Having never played the game to a high standard or managed professionally, I’m going to be drawing on my time knocking a ball about down the park with my brothers, six-a-side games over at Canary Wharf, the time I stood behind Gary Mabbutt in a Chinese takeaway as he ordered his food (complete with Gary Mabbutt impersonation), and saving the best for last; the time I met Roy Hodgson and Ray Lewington in a hotel bar, absolutely off my head and spent our time together calling Roy, Ray and Ray, Roy, whilst slumped in a lounge chair trying to appear sober and knowledgeable. That’s £10k straight in the back bin and unlimited access to the buffet and bar — happy days.
In terms of getting up-and-running, does anyone have any idea what the process is for getting signed-up for speaking engagements out there? Is it just a case of plotting up in an Italian restaurant and waiting to be approached? Is there someone I need to ask for once I’m in the Italian Restaurant? Should I wear a tracksuit and Astro turf trainers to signal my availability? Any guidance would be much appreciated.
Thanks,
Konk
Fulham FC: It's the taking part that counts
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Relocating to Singapore to take advantage of an unexpected job opportunity on 13:55 - Sep 29 with 4652 views
Relocating to Singapore to take advantage of an unexpected job opportunity on 13:55 - Sep 29 by hoof_hearted
Too soon!
Quite the opposite - I'm too late if anything. I've heard it's like the Klondike Gold rush out there at the minute. You can't move for ex-pros practising their pitches on the flights between Heathrow and Singapore... "In management, you need people skills the same as in any business: sometimes you need to put an arm round a player, other times you need to shout at them, punch them, ostracise them from the group and throw their shoes on the canteen roof."
Fulham FC: It's the taking part that counts
1
Relocating to Singapore to take advantage of an unexpected job opportunity on 16:10 - Sep 29 with 4325 views
I'd go tracksuit and trainers for the professional look. Gold chain to set the outfit off.
Golf slacks, deck shoes (white) and a short sleeved shirt married with a gold chain for business casual. Think Big Sam going to La Manga.
For the big meetings you need a suit - shiny (deliberately shiny, not worn out shiny!), and a bit wide. Open collar shirt, chain (very versatile accessory that one), and some jewellery. Get a big watch too. Doesn't need to be expensive just big. If you've got hair, make it work for you - bleached tips will look great with a spray tan.
Don't forget the Mrs. Large plastic tits and a stripper dress and she'll look good on your arm in all scenarios. Think Morinio's slapper of a daughter and you'll get the idea.
Finally, don't forget to chew a lot, both of you.
Looking a million dollars like that you're be half way there already.
One tip about motors, though. A mate of mine tells me that a second hand Nissan costs £50k out there so do yourself a favour an use flash mini-cabs when you want to impress.
Relocating to Singapore to take advantage of an unexpected job opportunity on 16:10 - Sep 29 by londonscottish
I'd go tracksuit and trainers for the professional look. Gold chain to set the outfit off.
Golf slacks, deck shoes (white) and a short sleeved shirt married with a gold chain for business casual. Think Big Sam going to La Manga.
For the big meetings you need a suit - shiny (deliberately shiny, not worn out shiny!), and a bit wide. Open collar shirt, chain (very versatile accessory that one), and some jewellery. Get a big watch too. Doesn't need to be expensive just big. If you've got hair, make it work for you - bleached tips will look great with a spray tan.
Don't forget the Mrs. Large plastic tits and a stripper dress and she'll look good on your arm in all scenarios. Think Morinio's slapper of a daughter and you'll get the idea.
Finally, don't forget to chew a lot, both of you.
Looking a million dollars like that you're be half way there already.
One tip about motors, though. A mate of mine tells me that a second hand Nissan costs £50k out there so do yourself a favour an use flash mini-cabs when you want to impress.
Good luck!
[Post edited 29 Sep 2016 16:12]
Here's your script, Big Konk:
A magnificent football club, the love of our lives, finding a way to finally have its day in the sun.
Relocating to Singapore to take advantage of an unexpected job opportunity on 18:31 - Sep 29 by MarylandR
Which bank accounts are your payments going to be deposited in to?
Probably be best to dump it in my Abbey National Junior Savers account - I think that's tax free. I'll get my Mum to dig out the passbook and send it out to me.
London Scottish - some great advice there, but my wife's wondering if she could get away with a t shirt and jeans rather than the stripper dress?
Relocating to Singapore to take advantage of an unexpected job opportunity on 19:56 - Sep 29 by Konk
Probably be best to dump it in my Abbey National Junior Savers account - I think that's tax free. I'll get my Mum to dig out the passbook and send it out to me.
London Scottish - some great advice there, but my wife's wondering if she could get away with a t shirt and jeans rather than the stripper dress?
I just asked the wife and jeans will work, apparently, if they are shredded and paired with very high heels and a very tight shirt. Remember those tits represent success and show you get so many bungs that that you've been able to splash out on some of the finer things in life - like that white Range Rover with all the plastic bits and Kahn wheels).
Anyway, back to Singapore. Make sure neither of you gob out the chewie. Moody money's fine but chewing gum abuse can be a capital offence.
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