Vetch Goings On

More Vetch Field Goings On

Swans players Izzy Iriepken and Leon Britton were exhausted after a long session of 100 Meter sprints and 2 hours solid competing vigorously at various track and field events after training on Thursday. I mean, there's only so much your fingers can take on the new PS2 pad, playing EA Sports' Athens 2004, and besides, the X-Box version's got better graphics. But an innocent discussion was about to go horribly wrong…

Izzy "Britts, ya' talkin' rank man, rank. The new range of G3 fones are the mutts nutts man. Colour screen, wicked MP3 tones, WAP, Sat Nav, bluetooth, digicam, they're the dollar mate, the dollar."

Britton "nah man, you've got it all Pete Tong, I want a fone for talking and texts yeah?, not for the internet, takin' photos, playin' games or makin' me a piece of toast yeah?, Dixons make other appliances for that jive yeah?"

Izzy "Ya' disappoint me Britts, man, that's reactionary bollocks. I bet you're the kind of guy who believes in the efficacy of public plebiscite over parliamentary democracy aren't you?"

Now, it was common knowledge that questioning Britton's love of referenda to determine major public policy issues was akin to asking him to 'step outside'. He'd suffered years of jibes from West Ham colleagues and Izzy knew it. Britton lunged at Izzy, but the big centre-half kept him at bay with his copy of Nuts magazine.

Izzy "Ooohhh touched a nerve have I, Referenda Boy?, pseudo-democratic Borrower!, Honey I shrunk the Britts!".

Britton "Come on then!. izzy-wizzy-let's-get-busy!. You know as well as I that parliamentary democracy has become discredited through scandal and a shift in the perception of the political dynamics of the modern state towards a greater engagement of the nations corpus in the realms of fiscal and social policy. Referenda are a great way to engage the public directly in the great political debates of our day, and bring true democracy to the honourable British people. So there!, and. Egad!, you're shit at the Javelin"

Izzy "Oh Yeah?, It is a common axiom of modern political philosophy that referenda and public consultation on major policy issues is a tool of the Tyrant, who use them to bypass wordly parliament to get their way!. Mussolini was a great fan of referenda, as you well know sire!. Forsooth, he revelled in his ability to garner the public media to propagate baseless myths about major issues, and then submit a policy to a 'primed' electorate, safe in the cerebral certitude that said plebiscite would go in his favour. You and I know my erudite fellow, that it is our elected representatives who have the time and the training to fully elucidate and investigate difficult policy documents, and make a learned decision on behalf of the body politic who elected them…Besides, my controller's x-button is shagged anyway, Twat"

Britton "Fair enough. Have you seen my new car stereo?"

Izzy "nah man, is it top bling?"

Britton " it's the dollar, man. Fluff magnet."

Previous insights into Vetch Life From PRF

Why not check out the latest Vetch Verdict on the BBC site?