Chelsea are on course for a Premier League and League Cup double — won pragmatically, rather than spectacularly, as is the Jose Mourinho way.
The acceptable, legally-safe, romanticised view of why Roman Abramovic decided to buy Chelsea and change the shape of English football forever is that he fell in love with the sport, and the Champions League in particular, after attending a match between Manchester United and Real Madrid at Old Trafford when the original, fat, Ronaldo was in his prime.
Struck by just how beautiful the sport could be at its finest, the Russian set his heart on building a money-no-object super team to conquer the world and Chelsea, almost completely bankrupt after overreaching under previous chairman Ken Bates, were the grateful recipient of the Russian rubles. He promptly signed Geremi for £7m from Middlesbrough, a strong hint that it wasn’t going to be as easy as all that.
More than a decade later and Chelsea have grown from midtable also-rans with occasional cup runs into a dominant force in English football. They’ve won three Premier League crowns, and the much-coveted Champions League. Ultimately, nothing succeeds quite like winning.
But Abramovic’s dream of recreating what he saw in Manchester that night remains unfulfilled, and returning Jose Mourinho to the club for a second stint as good as admits it never will be.
Mourinho is the ultimate pragmatist, and the ultimate winner. His outlook was never summed up better than the recent League Cup final against Spurs at Wembley, where Kurt Zouma — a centre back — was picked in a defensive midfield system. Spurs, who’d run five through the Blues in the league over Christmas, were completely stunted by the move. Harry Kane was isolated. There is more open space in a mouse’s ear canal than there was in the centre of the field that day. The spectacle, such as it was, was about as interesting for the neutral spectator as watching somebody complete a landscape painting in watercolours. But Chelsea won. Mourinho nearly always wins.
That wasn’t enough to save him from a messy departure from Chelsea last time, and they subsequently searched for what a management-speaking tosspot might term a more ‘holistic’ approach with Avram Grant, Carlo Ancelotti, Roberto Di Matteo, Rafael Benitez and others. But they’re back with him now - grinding their way to a league title again
The Portuguese coach went elsewhere — to Inter Milan, and Real Madrid. He won leagues and cups with both, using the same pragmatic, metronomic style of play on the pitch, and the same abrasive, us-against-the-world style off it.
Mourinho falls out with people routinely. He believes national football associations and referees conspire against his teams and says so openly. He baits opposing managers about their style and teams, winding them up and searching for a reaction. He’ll ostracise his own players if needs be — Iker Cassillas notably at Madrid. He’s searching for more favourable refereeing decisions, losses of concentration from opponents and reactions from players. But most of all he’s seeking to create an illusion for his inner core of favoured players that it’s him, and them, against the entire world. Every victory a triumph over adversity, every defeat a travesty of justice. When his billion pound team fails to win at home against a Burnley side that cost £5m to put together he’ll demand an appearance on Goals on Sunday the following day to air his conspiracy theories, and he’ll be granted it.
The newspapers will cover everything he says in immense detail. Who are these people who are interested in Jose Mourinho’s latest terrible fascinating "war of words” with Arsene Wenger? I pity them.
And his team will march along, winning almost everything, entertaining almost nobody, like a functional, well oiled, machine kicking our smart work shoes. This season they’re led from the front by Diego Costa — the ultimate Jose Mourinho player. Effective, aggressive, functional, always seeking a reaction from an opponent, unloveable unless he’s playing up front for your team. He’s a magnificent English-style centre forward, but he’s more likely to tread on a centre half’s face than trick his way past him with a shoulder drop or clever dummy.
Whatever Abromovic may have intended to begin with, he’s clearly accepted — rightly — that Mourinho is perfect for Chelsea. This is a club that baits opponents through its official website and half time announcements, a club with a string of recent race-related incidents on and off the field, a club that sends out official press releases about how many penalty kicks it has been rewarded in relation to opponents. It’s a classless organisation, now based entirely around winning through whatever means and shirt sales. Much like Diego Costa for Jose Mourinho, you couldn’t have picked a better fit than Jose Mourinho for Chelsea.
There seems to be an acceptance now that this is how Chelsea will be. Rather than chasing some pipe dream of becoming the great Dutch teams, playing total football, loved the world over, they’re going to simply settle into the routine of winning. They’ll annoy, aggravate and provoke. They’ll rarely thrill. But they’ll win. Constantly. All the time.
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