As the dust continues to settle on the Monday meltdown Seth Dye looks back on another tough week to be a QPR fan and at some proper head butts from history.
What a depressing week. I’ve supported QPR long enough to know what supporting a shoddy football team in the midst of catastrophe feels like. But this week, for the first time I can remember, that same feeling came more or less out of the blue. Having spent November experimenting with some novel feelings like optimism and pride, the return to the norm (which, deep down, I probably suspected all along) has still proved a bitter pill to swallow.
It seems pretty obvious that the relationship between the players and the management staff at our club has become unworkable. Precisely how or when, we might not be sure. But things aren’t good. The main reason I’m sure of this is that people are throwing denials all over the place, which is never a good sign. I don’t know about the rest of you, but the whole sorry mess has left me reminiscing over simpler times. I remember back when your players and staff were more than just a collection of individuals, more even than just a team: they were a club. It was all about unity and trust – about working together to build something great. And when the going got tough you’d stand by side, every last man, and bloody well get together and try and beat up a load of Chinese lads.
But times have changed. By thoughtlessly changing careers every five minutes, I’ve managed to avoid any managerial positions everywhere I’ve worked (which means I’ve also avoided things like nice cars and expensive holidays). But I’m fairly sure most management trainee schemes these days don’t involve ‘ways to scare the shit out of your work force with physical threats and/or assaults’ workshops. Now, perhaps that’s a shame – I’m guessing we’ve all worked with someone that could use the occasional motivational head-butt - and having been at the Doncaster game I can understand Magilton’s frustration. But the truth is some of our players have seen eight different managers come and go under Flavio. We all know that the manager at Loftus Road is not exactly a powerful man, and you can scare millionaire footballers a bit, but all you’ll probably do is scare them into leaving and when you’ve actually got some very good players, that’s not a great idea.
So, personally, I think Jim has to go. Not necessarily for violence, but for stupidity. Football management is, like most modern professions, largely about people skills and decision making. The guy’s displayed a complete lack of both over the last couple of weeks. The club face loosing a below average manager or an above average (and very expensive) playing squad. You can make players turn out, but you can’t make them perform. So let’s get the mess over with, get on with the exciting speculation and then hire Gareth bloody Southgate eh.
But before he goes, I will nod my cap to the man for one thing. If the Daily Mail is to be believed he apparently offered out Patrick Agyemang. Not entirely sure what he had in mind there, possibly he was going to get some of his blood in Agyemang’s eye, or maybe the burly striker would have ended up with a slightly bruised fist. But obviously whilst the rest of us were queueing up for our dose of diplomacy skills Magilton was in the line marked ‘Massive Balls’.
As for the alleged head-butt, it remains to be found out exactly what happened (probably in a few years time, when someone’s got a book to sell). Until then, to keep things in perspective I’ve included a small selection of genuinely memorable head-butting shenanigans below. Before I’m accused of glamorising violence I’ll offer a word to the wise: think very carefully before disagreeing with any man with head-butting experience. I’ve always thought it takes a special degree of mentalist to intentionally hurt himself in order to hurt others. Or, as Wikipedia puts it: ‘It is known as a risky maneuver: a misplaced headbutt can cause more damage to the person delivering the headbutt than to the person receiving it.’ Kids, there is nothing wrong with running away from anyone that thinks of their skull as a weapon…unless you’re friends with Patrick Agyemang.
Top Head-butting tomfoolery:
4. Basile Boli on Stuart Pearce.
French? Check. International football tournament? Check. Opportunity for some head-butting madness? Obviously. Just bear in mind Boli head-butted a man nick-named Psycho in a match that still had some thirty minutes left to be played. Very stupid or very brave? Both.
3. Duncan Ferguson on John Mcstay
Big Dunc used to do most of his assaulting in and around taxis, but he wasn’t shy on the football pitch either. Justified his British record £4 million pound price tag with a head-butt so violent he landed up in prison. Playing for Glasgow Rangers, as you do.
2. Yosser Hughes – various.
The star of ‘Boys From The Blackstuff’ was a butting powerhouse. Plenty of efforts to pick from - the one on the copper is probably the pick of the bunch.
1. Zinedine Zidane on Marco Materazzi.
From a purists point of view I’m not sure this is the best – certainly going for the chest is a little unorthodox. But you simply can’t argue with this one. The greatest player of his generation choosing a World Cup final to let everybody know that he takes a pretty hard line when it comes to name-calling.