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Concentrate on the photo and use the incredible power of the mind, Uri Geller-style, to bend the very fabric of the universe to your will. Concentrate on the picture and think: 'Haemorrhoids... Haemorrhoids...Haemorrhoids....'
Let's see the Daily Heil print that story:
'Terry's Chalfont Torment'
Yes , I am bored. Is it football yet?
'What do we want? We don't know! When do we want it? Now!'