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Your Christmas Party Shenanigans 08:38 - Dec 15 with 16886 viewsLblock

Completely tame this year at my end
Our “official company do” was total shite with an obsession of not spending more than £50 a person to ensure “corporate guidelines and governance” were met. We booked a side bar in a central London hotel a couple of Wednesdays ago and it was so dirge I bailed out at 11:00pm to save mysel for a slightly better one the next evening
The only thing of note was Lou, the quietest girl in the office, getting drunk and threatening to dance on a table. Sadly her mate persuaded her not to.

Years gone by at previous companies there’s been tails of exotic dancing, Receptionists vomiting into their handbags and fellatio under tables

Anyone done a walk of shame this year?

Cherish and enjoy life.... this ain't no dress rehearsal

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Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 16:03 - Dec 15 with 4487 viewsheadhoops

only 4 of us so secret santa is a bit of a let down.

approx ten years ago we booked a table at the Hilton in Watford at one of these shared Xmas parties - allocated table 10. We arrive early room looks fabulous but deserted. No worries we go to table 10 and neck all the red and white wine, bucket of beers in about 30 nano seconds. 10 minutes goes by still nobody else turns up so we demolish table 11's booze and naturally start on table 12 when thats gone. Colleague heads for the toilet and comes legging it back saying scarper we are in the wrong room and a bridal party has just arrived for their reception!

Seem to recall we started a food fight and not much else.

Poll: Remy - can he play in the playoffs - who's opening post is the best?

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Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 16:44 - Dec 15 with 4447 viewsSimonJames

I never had any particularly exciting Xmas company dos.
But about ten years ago, on the way back to Kingston from one in central London, I inexplicably found myself in a Korean cafe at 2AM arguing with Michelle McManus as to whether ginger pubes glowed in the dark.
...she was adamant that hers didn't.

100% of people who drink water will die.

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Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 18:30 - Dec 15 with 4389 viewsGroveR

Last year's was on a boat so eliminated any opportunity to backdoor it when the world's most boring employee collared you. Don't know/care what's arranged for this year.

Best one was several years ago when working for one of the big city law firms. Free and unlimited booze - no restrictions on bubbly, spirits or shots - so nearly everyone was wànkered early doors. Two legal secretaries ended up fighting over a bloke and one stabbed the other in the leg with a fork. The following year the venue served only beer and wine.
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Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 19:44 - Dec 15 with 4335 viewstoboboly

Got mine Tuesday, it'll be awful. The old team was great, everyone was close to breaking from the workload so went mental. The new team I am in are a bunch of old woman and seem to think ordering a starter is deliciously decadent.

Kill me now.

Sexy Asian dwarves wanted.

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Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 21:45 - Dec 15 with 4281 viewsMoonshineSteve

Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 19:44 - Dec 15 by toboboly

Got mine Tuesday, it'll be awful. The old team was great, everyone was close to breaking from the workload so went mental. The new team I am in are a bunch of old woman and seem to think ordering a starter is deliciously decadent.

Kill me now.


Grumpy old sod.

I am still Steve but no longer in Dagenham.

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Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 08:41 - Dec 16 with 4164 viewstoboboly

Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 21:45 - Dec 15 by MoonshineSteve

Grumpy old sod.


Will happily trade places. They don't drink, have no interests and don't do conversations, it'll be awful.

Sexy Asian dwarves wanted.

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Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 11:37 - Dec 16 with 4101 viewslondonscottish

Had a good one yesterday with some customers which involved drinking from 12.00, eating and then drinking to 8.00.

In the middle of it got to hear Bradley Wiggins talk about his journey from a Kilburn estate to winning the TDF and the London Olympics.

Topped by a video showing his best and worst moments to a backing tune of Going Underground. F*cking amazing bloke.

Froome's a kn)b, apparently.

Remembered to have a massive piss just before I left the bar.

Poll: Do you love or hate the new Marmite ad?

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Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 09:14 - Dec 17 with 3992 viewsMoonshineSteve

Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 08:41 - Dec 16 by toboboly

Will happily trade places. They don't drink, have no interests and don't do conversations, it'll be awful.


Well I expect a report anyway.

I am still Steve but no longer in Dagenham.

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Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 09:21 - Dec 17 with 3981 viewsDorse

Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 09:14 - Dec 17 by MoonshineSteve

Well I expect a report anyway.


He can't hear you. He got so drunk he agreed to go on a weekend caravan break to Rhyll with Dolly and Mavis.

'What do we want? We don't know! When do we want it? Now!'

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Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 05:33 - Dec 18 with 3833 viewsOnlyMe

Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 12:05 - Dec 15 by paulparker

Cant remember the last xmas do I went on tbh, I cant stand them , Back in the day they were quite good especially if you worked with decent people
generally they are like people out on NYE ie a real pain in the arse , full of fat birds and divs wearing xmas jumpers
one company I worked for all the "sales" lads got beaten up in a mass brawl and the mini bus had to stop off at the nearest hospital, (how I laughed )
in saying all that I met Mrs P on an xmas do , so say no more


Ho Ho Ho --- Classic "Back in the day they were quite good". Translation: You were just much younger and bit more stupid than you are now, with more stamina then and fewer people who you had to explain yourself to ;-)
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Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 09:52 - Dec 18 with 3729 viewsaston_hoop

Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 09:41 - Dec 15 by aston_hoop

Mine starts in 2 hours. Just time to buy a ticket for the Millwall game once they go on general sale, pretend to read some emails and listen to some music to get me in the mood



2 of the office ladies in their mid 40s and had both recently gone through divorces. One ended up with a broken wrist from a 'dancing' accident and one was sick on the bar by 5pm. One of the Scottish engineers was offering anyone out who danced with the Polish admin girl that he was unsuccessfully trying to romance. I just ended up with a sore head and a day on the sofa enjoying 3 points against Brum. Happy days.

Poll: Moses Odubajo - Stick or Twist?

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Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 10:20 - Dec 18 with 3715 viewsingeminate

Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 10:43 - Dec 15 by LimehouseR

Ours was last night and was pretty tame considering I'm up already.

The big boss turned up and she put a damper on everything.

The only laugh out loud moment was one of the old boys telling one of the younger girls she had put a load of timber on and asked her if her boyfriend was a feeder. She proceeded to dump a pint over his head and got thrown out crying her eyes out!


Along similarish lines remember a few years back sat on a table of 10 and playing something like kiss, marry, shag and Paul picks a blonde girl two seat away from him to shag because "she might be chubs, but she's a real 100 percenter".
She was a good looking girl, but was on the chubby side. Table went silent, she started to cry. He got the hump because it was "just bants".

If not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled. PG Wodehouse
Poll: Should Jimmy be sacked?

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Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 10:33 - Dec 18 with 3695 viewstoboboly

Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 09:21 - Dec 17 by Dorse

He can't hear you. He got so drunk he agreed to go on a weekend caravan break to Rhyll with Dolly and Mavis.


It's tomorrow. I have the flu. I dislike everyone in the office. What can go wrong?

Sexy Asian dwarves wanted.

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Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 10:53 - Dec 19 with 3511 viewsMoonshineSteve

Today's the day.

I'm excited about hearing what happens.

I am still Steve but no longer in Dagenham.

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Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 11:09 - Dec 19 with 3494 viewsMick_S

Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 10:33 - Dec 18 by toboboly

It's tomorrow. I have the flu. I dislike everyone in the office. What can go wrong?




[Post edited 19 Dec 2017 11:21]

Did I ever mention that I was in Minder?

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Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 11:14 - Dec 19 with 3487 viewstoboboly

Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 10:53 - Dec 19 by MoonshineSteve

Today's the day.

I'm excited about hearing what happens.


So far we have had a mince pie...the meal in a local pub starts at 2pm apparently.

Sexy Asian dwarves wanted.

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Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 12:07 - Dec 19 with 3431 viewsMoonshineSteve

A mince pie each?

I am still Steve but no longer in Dagenham.

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Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 12:09 - Dec 19 with 3429 viewstoboboly

Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 12:07 - Dec 19 by MoonshineSteve

A mince pie each?


I told you. Like the last days of Rome in here. Decadent carnage.

Sexy Asian dwarves wanted.

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Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 12:12 - Dec 19 with 3426 viewsAshdown_Ranger

Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 09:17 - Dec 15 by Discodroids

I don't Know L block me old mate, As the Christmas party season is fast approaching like Pietro Mennea on Alan Wells Shoulder in the last 5 meters of the 200, Im Just back from the wine factory on Leigh on sea Broadway. The sights i witnessed on my christmas shop sickened this poster, seeing the commercialised credo, Mantra and doctrines of christmas in England 2017.

Celebrating the birth of Christ and the true meaning of christmas , I purchased 2 crates of Lone star Lager, One crate of castle lager, 28 bottles of superbock, 56 bottles of Sagres, 6 bottles of remedial vodka, 1 value whiskey, 2 icelandic Gin and 5 bottles of monkey Shoulder rum to cover the Christmas comedown period and negate the 1000 yard stare of the mother in law over xmas lunch.

On top of that, The local dealer has dropped off 6 wrap grams of translucent petrol washed south american quaker oats and 5 bottles of liquid gold Amyl nitrate, plus a dozen micky mills for £800 all f ucking in.

Honestly, if it wasn't for the kids I wouldn't f ucking bother. Just to see the wee bairns faces light up on christmas morning when they catch their daddy under the tree at 5.30 am out of his cannister shagging the chestnut stuffing into a pulp in sexual Synchronicity to the haunting and hypnotic christmas anthem of steel eye spans 'gaudet', makes it all worthwhile.


[Post edited 15 Dec 2017 9:19]


Oh Disco, you are a one...!!

All those festive beverages, added to the average Brit's food intake over the 12 days of Christmas makes for a not-inconsiderable personal consumption of 160,000 calories.

Now, the recommended daily calorific intake for men is 2,000 calories - multiplied by the 12 days of Christmas, would equal 24,000 calories. So you can see that, in order to maintain your current weight, you'll need to burn off around 136,000 calories during those 12 days of jollity and frivolity.

And although it's commendable that you'll be making a start on your exercise regime by shagging the chestnut stuffing, I'm afraid that probably won't be quite enough in itself if you want to restore your 6-pack (please note: I do not mean of Lone Star lager).

Running 10 miles at approx 6mph will burn off around 1,000 calories. So you just need to jog 1,360 miles over the the festive period and you'll be absolutely fine.

What a shame we don't have a few more away games over the festive period - if you could have jogged to Ipswich, Burton, Middlesbrough and Hull away (and back of course) you'd be right on target! And if you're worried about getting a little fatigued, I'm sure your dealer will be able to provide the optimum performance enhancing substances.

Oh well, perhaps a sensible diet and a gym membership will have to do...

Do give my fondest regards to your mother-in-law - what a wonderful old lady she must be with such excellent eyesight. Mine can hardly see 6 inches in front of her face - there's absolutely no way she could manage a 1000 yard stare.
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Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 12:17 - Dec 19 with 3410 viewsMoonshineSteve

Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 12:09 - Dec 19 by toboboly

I told you. Like the last days of Rome in here. Decadent carnage.


Well you got one each. Could be worse.

So, things are starting to rev up ...

I am still Steve but no longer in Dagenham.

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Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 12:26 - Dec 19 with 3377 viewsDiscodroids

Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 12:12 - Dec 19 by Ashdown_Ranger

Oh Disco, you are a one...!!

All those festive beverages, added to the average Brit's food intake over the 12 days of Christmas makes for a not-inconsiderable personal consumption of 160,000 calories.

Now, the recommended daily calorific intake for men is 2,000 calories - multiplied by the 12 days of Christmas, would equal 24,000 calories. So you can see that, in order to maintain your current weight, you'll need to burn off around 136,000 calories during those 12 days of jollity and frivolity.

And although it's commendable that you'll be making a start on your exercise regime by shagging the chestnut stuffing, I'm afraid that probably won't be quite enough in itself if you want to restore your 6-pack (please note: I do not mean of Lone Star lager).

Running 10 miles at approx 6mph will burn off around 1,000 calories. So you just need to jog 1,360 miles over the the festive period and you'll be absolutely fine.

What a shame we don't have a few more away games over the festive period - if you could have jogged to Ipswich, Burton, Middlesbrough and Hull away (and back of course) you'd be right on target! And if you're worried about getting a little fatigued, I'm sure your dealer will be able to provide the optimum performance enhancing substances.

Oh well, perhaps a sensible diet and a gym membership will have to do...

Do give my fondest regards to your mother-in-law - what a wonderful old lady she must be with such excellent eyesight. Mine can hardly see 6 inches in front of her face - there's absolutely no way she could manage a 1000 yard stare.


Good Advice. Unfortunately, As I've Said, I'll be round the mother in-laws in chigwell Christmas Day and consequently, have to spend all day with a Belcher chain and Lacoste v neck jumper wearing brother in law, whose the biggest Lairy West ham c unt from woodford, i've ever had the misfortune to have met..and the competition has been fierce in this department .

Typical West Ham, he views QPR Like a well heeled landlord that finds himself in reduced circumstances running a shithouse pub looking at his patrons, and therefore his livelihood, like they were germinated in a petri dish and then charges them cartel prices for a remedial product which finds its way around the mouldering pipes of his rancid cellar into their pint glasses like a tramps piss finds the dog shi tted gutter. A f ucking bore.

the bonus is that his daughter is now 19 and a professional ballerina and singer , 5ft 11 with flowing red hair , an english rose ..and the sweet bitch will insist on doing her exercises right in front of me in skin tight leggings so i can see the shape of her vagimosis. On the downside The attention seeking c unt won't eat properly and the family will all fawn round her and break into applause if she manages to nibble at roast tatty. You can see her f ucking ribs through her tops which turns me right on. So Much so Ive been watching belsen hags taking a robust length up the kippax on pornhub on heavy rotation.

just what old bing crosby would have wanted i reckon, rather than that pretentious c unt bowie coming round on xmas day and asking him all those personal questions about his butler, playing his f ucking piano and acting like he's best muckers with Sir f ucking Percival.

Pa rum pum pum pum.
[Post edited 19 Dec 2017 12:30]

"...The monkey is never dead, Dealer. The monkey never dies. When you kick him off, he just hides in a corner, waiting his turn."

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Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 12:42 - Dec 19 with 3348 viewsstevec

Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 12:26 - Dec 19 by Discodroids

Good Advice. Unfortunately, As I've Said, I'll be round the mother in-laws in chigwell Christmas Day and consequently, have to spend all day with a Belcher chain and Lacoste v neck jumper wearing brother in law, whose the biggest Lairy West ham c unt from woodford, i've ever had the misfortune to have met..and the competition has been fierce in this department .

Typical West Ham, he views QPR Like a well heeled landlord that finds himself in reduced circumstances running a shithouse pub looking at his patrons, and therefore his livelihood, like they were germinated in a petri dish and then charges them cartel prices for a remedial product which finds its way around the mouldering pipes of his rancid cellar into their pint glasses like a tramps piss finds the dog shi tted gutter. A f ucking bore.

the bonus is that his daughter is now 19 and a professional ballerina and singer , 5ft 11 with flowing red hair , an english rose ..and the sweet bitch will insist on doing her exercises right in front of me in skin tight leggings so i can see the shape of her vagimosis. On the downside The attention seeking c unt won't eat properly and the family will all fawn round her and break into applause if she manages to nibble at roast tatty. You can see her f ucking ribs through her tops which turns me right on. So Much so Ive been watching belsen hags taking a robust length up the kippax on pornhub on heavy rotation.

just what old bing crosby would have wanted i reckon, rather than that pretentious c unt bowie coming round on xmas day and asking him all those personal questions about his butler, playing his f ucking piano and acting like he's best muckers with Sir f ucking Percival.

Pa rum pum pum pum.
[Post edited 19 Dec 2017 12:30]


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Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 12:47 - Dec 19 with 3340 viewsR_from_afar

Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 14:09 - Dec 15 by R_from_afar

That's quite a consignment! So you're planning a quiet one? And why no sherry? It's very seasonal, don't you know?

I skipped the Christmas party to play sub-zero football last night. The big polar bear up front held the ball well and the two narwhals at centre back were rock solid...

RFA


A gripping update: We had part 2 of our Christmas festivities yesterday. It was wild, so readers of a sensitive nature might like to ask a parent or guardian to read the rest of this post and give them a paraphrased, watered down version.

So, having skipped the party to play football, I signed up for the Star Wars film night (with dinner). The company paid for all employees, globally, to go to see the new film. That's over 1000 tickets. Interesting, but then it is a Scandinavian company, so some stuff it does is weird, usually in a pleasant, thoughtful and quite generous way.

Knowing that I was ducking out of the knees-up in London, I signed up for the Star Wars extravaganza without hesitation. I was also given the impression that "everyone" was going. Indeed, our tiny office was packed for once on the day of the do.

I got to the restaurant for the pre-film meal and there were four of us there at first. Then we started going through the reasons for not coming which had been circulating during the day; by the time we had finished, we realized that that was it: Four revelers, with everyone else having dropped out. Still, it was OK and subsidized too so we had a Frankie & Bennie's for £7 each. A fifth person, glued to his 'phone, did appear after we'd all finished our main course.

So we trundled off to the cinema. We were joined there by a crafty sixth person who had seen the opportunity to nab some of the spare tickets for his family, with the result that he turned up with his Russian wife and son. I'm not a Star Wars fan but it was quite enjoyable and a nice freebie; the Russian wife did not have such a good time because apparently, she spent the whole film reading a book on her 'phone, receiving regular rebukes from her husband.

After the film, it was decided that we needed to take a pic to share on the company intranet. The only trouble was that the pic was meant to feature some Star Wars branding. Astonishingly, we couldn't find any posters so we had to drag a merchandising stand for some worthless trinket or tasteless sugar water into the shot.

So, all in all, a pleasant if rather surreal Christmas do. Oh, and one bloke tripped over a step in the dark on the way back from a walk to the car to get his pills.

Epic stuff

RFA

"Things had started becoming increasingly desperate at Loftus Road but QPR have been handed a massive lifeline and the place has absolutely erupted. it's carnage. It's bedlam. It's 1-1."

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Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 00:40 - Dec 20 with 3099 viewsMoonshineSteve

Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 12:17 - Dec 19 by MoonshineSteve

Well you got one each. Could be worse.

So, things are starting to rev up ...


So ...

I am still Steve but no longer in Dagenham.

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Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 08:53 - Dec 20 with 2958 viewsWokingR

Your Christmas Party Shenanigans on 00:40 - Dec 20 by MoonshineSteve

So ...


It was obviously a lot better than he was expecting if he hasn't surfaced yet
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