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Corny Joke Warning 16:56 - Aug 29 with 89842 viewsBoston

What vehicle do electricians prefer to drive?

A Volts Wagon.

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

2

Corny Joke Warning on 08:57 - Sep 27 with 3923 viewshorshamHoop

I once had a girlfriend called Gemma Pell

Boy did she have trouble introducing herself in France
4

Corny Joke Warning on 11:19 - Sep 27 with 3882 viewsEsox_Lucius

Little Ray was sat in class being taught English.
Teacher: "Would someone like to give me a sentence using the word contagious?, how about you Ray?"
Ray: "We had a decorator come around to paint the walls of our house; he used a 1" paintbrush, it took the contagious"

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

1

Corny Joke Warning on 16:35 - Sep 27 with 3832 viewsEsox_Lucius

Q. What is black and rhymes with Snoop?





A. Dr Dre.

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

2

Corny Joke Warning on 17:30 - Sep 27 with 3817 viewsTrom

The'res a new craze in Yorkshire of liquidising ecstasy and injecting into your mouth.

They're calling it eeh by gum
3

Corny Joke Warning on 00:31 - Sep 28 with 3731 viewsBoston

What's the most popular tea in Broadmoor?

Insanity.

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

0

Corny Joke Warning on 07:44 - Sep 28 with 3693 viewsade_qpr

Old people poke me at weddings and tell me "your next".
So I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

5

Corny Joke Warning on 07:46 - Sep 28 with 3692 viewsade_qpr

A naked woman robs a bank.
Nobody could remember her face.

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

2

Corny Joke Warning on 09:46 - Sep 28 with 3662 viewsBathRanger

Bloke gets a job as an apprentice at a butchers.
On his first day the butcher gives him a big knife and a large piece of meat and says "Do you have any idea how to cut this up?"
"Not really," replies the apprentice, "but I'll have a stab at it."
6
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Corny Joke Warning on 09:52 - Sep 28 with 3651 viewsGalileo

First bloke : Took the wife to the West Indies for a holiday
Second bloke : Jamaica ?
First bloke : No, it was her idea !
0

Corny Joke Warning on 10:01 - Sep 28 with 3640 viewsEsox_Lucius

I have made a list of the top 5 invisible things.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

0

Corny Joke Warning on 10:10 - Sep 28 with 3629 viewsEsox_Lucius

A crane fly just flew into my wall and exploded.

Turns out it was a jihadi long legs

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

6

Corny Joke Warning on 11:22 - Sep 28 with 3609 viewsade_qpr

7pm I get a SMS from my girlfriend : Me or the football?
10pm I SMS my girlfriend : You of course.

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

2

Corny Joke Warning on 11:34 - Sep 28 with 3601 viewsEsox_Lucius

My wife and I are getting fed up with this guy randomly leaping out from under the table, raising a glass of sherry and saying "Here's to you both, long may you live and prosper".
Maybe a pop-up toaster wasn't such a good idea after all!!..

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

0

Corny Joke Warning on 13:51 - Sep 28 with 3553 viewsade_qpr

Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one.

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

1

Corny Joke Warning on 01:41 - Sep 29 with 3464 viewsBoston

When does Friday come before Thursday?

In a dictionary.

Whoops, quick edit!
[Post edited 29 Sep 2018 11:12]

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

0

Corny Joke Warning on 15:32 - Sep 29 with 3399 viewsjohncharles

Don’t buy trousers in Russia because Chernobyl fall out

Strong and stable my arse.

1

Corny Joke Warning on 11:02 - Sep 30 with 3303 viewsEsox_Lucius

Boston airport authority found over 200 dead crows on a road near the airport, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.
A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.

However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws.
By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with lorries , while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.

The airport then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of lorry kills versus car kills.

The Ornithological Behaviorist very quickly concluded the cause:
when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.

The scientific conclusion was that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", none could shout "Lorry."

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

2

Corny Joke Warning on 14:30 - Sep 30 with 3250 viewsBoston

What's the best thing about having sex with 29 year olds?

There are twenty of 'em.

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

-1

Corny Joke Warning on 19:35 - Sep 30 with 3203 viewsBoston

Why d'ya never see elephants hiding in trees?

They're very good at it.

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

2

Corny Joke Warning on 11:47 - Oct 1 with 3155 viewsEsox_Lucius

I have just been put on the Adam Ant diet by my doctor. They gave me a hand out to go with it and all it said was... "Don't chew ever, don't chew ever, don't chew ever..."

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

0

Corny Joke Warning on 19:39 - Oct 2 with 3005 viewsEsox_Lucius

I went to the sperm donor clinic this afternoon and after being shown to a cubicle the nurse asked me to masturbate in the cup. I had to be honest with her, I don't don't think I am ready to do this competitively yet.

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

4

Corny Joke Warning on 19:47 - Oct 2 with 2997 viewsEsox_Lucius

I got pulled over in my car by a police woman and after indicating for me to wind down my window she asked "Do you know why I have stopped you sir?"
I replied with "To give me a blow job?"
She stared stonily at me and said "Alright sir, step out of the car facing me and put your hands above your head slowly"
"I bloody knew it!" I exclaimed.

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

0

Corny Joke Warning on 01:08 - Oct 3 with 2901 viewsBoston

I tried my hand at that water polo once y'know
Unfortunately my horse drowned.

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

1
Corny Joke Warning on 13:20 - Oct 3 with 2828 viewsAshdown_Ranger

Corny Joke Warning on 14:30 - Sep 30 by Boston

What's the best thing about having sex with 29 year olds?

There are twenty of 'em.


Sorry Boston, but that's just f*cking sick.

Shame on you.
0

Corny Joke Warning on 19:33 - Oct 4 with 2718 viewsEsox_Lucius

I lost my dog in the park the other day, I looked around for a while but couldn't find it. My mate said I should have looked harder, so I shaved my head and got a tattoo but still couldn't find it.

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

2
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