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Corny Joke Warning 16:56 - Aug 29 with 89900 viewsBoston

What vehicle do electricians prefer to drive?

A Volts Wagon.

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

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Corny Joke Warning on 20:11 - Oct 4 with 5666 viewsHantsR

I once had a job in the Parks Dept collecting litter. I asked if I was going to get any training for the job, but they said not to worry as I'd pick it up as I went along.

Poll: Who's the Guy on the bonfire on Nov 5th?

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Corny Joke Warning on 20:56 - Oct 4 with 5639 viewsjohncharles

Corny Joke Warning on 19:35 - Sep 30 by Boston

Why d'ya never see elephants hiding in trees?

They're very good at it.


Best place to hide an elephant is on a snooker table.
Well, did you ever see an elephant on a snooker table ?

Strong and stable my arse.

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Corny Joke Warning on 21:04 - Oct 4 with 5629 viewsWokingR

Corny Joke Warning on 13:20 - Oct 3 by Ashdown_Ranger

Sorry Boston, but that's just f*cking sick.

Shame on you.


Was still funny though
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Corny Joke Warning on 23:24 - Oct 4 with 5535 viewsBoston

Corny Joke Warning on 21:04 - Oct 4 by WokingR

Was still funny though


Thanks Wokes, I’ll buy you a pint, when I get out of jail.

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

1
Corny Joke Warning on 10:06 - Oct 5 with 5469 viewsAshdown_Ranger

Corny Joke Warning on 21:04 - Oct 4 by WokingR

Was still funny though


Wow, didn't realise this was the Jimmy Savile appreciation forum.

In what twisted world is raping 9 year old children considered 'funny'?

Approx 7% of people in the UK have been sexually abused as children according to NAPAC. Last year there were nearly 14,000 cases of rape of children from babies to 16 in the UK.

If there are (complete guess) 500* LFW members, around 35 of us will have been sexually abused as children.

Absolutely sick.


*Make that 499
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Corny Joke Warning on 10:13 - Oct 5 with 5457 viewsEsox_Lucius

I popped into the library this morning and asked the librarian if they had any books by Shakespeare.
"Which one?" they asked.
"William, of course" I replied.

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

1

Corny Joke Warning on 10:17 - Oct 5 with 5449 viewshopphoops

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?

He worked it out with a pencil.

A magnificent football club, the love of our lives, finding a way to finally have its day in the sun.
Poll: When will the next election date be announced?

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Corny Joke Warning on 18:57 - Oct 5 with 5358 viewsHantsR

Q. What's the difference between a buffalo and a bison?

A. You can't wash your hands in a buffalo!

Poll: Who's the Guy on the bonfire on Nov 5th?

0
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Corny Joke Warning on 01:51 - Oct 6 with 5267 viewsBoston

Corny Joke Warning on 18:57 - Oct 5 by HantsR

Q. What's the difference between a buffalo and a bison?

A. You can't wash your hands in a buffalo!


If you lend that bison some money, would it be a buffaloan?

—————————————-

What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.

——————————————-

What’s the difference between men and pigs?

Pigs don’t turn into men when they’re drunk.

———————————————

*Please note that no animals were harmed in the making of this production.

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

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Corny Joke Warning on 11:54 - Oct 6 with 5163 viewsjohnhoop

Q. What’s the favourite Christmas Carol in a German psychiatric hospital.

A. God rest ye Jerry Mentalmen.
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Corny Joke Warning on 11:41 - Oct 8 with 5007 viewsEsox_Lucius

The doctor asked me how I had received the severe bruising and cuts to my face...
I was shagging next doors wife on the kitchen table when the front door started to open.
"Quick" she said "Use the back door"
Upon reflection I should probably have made a swift exit out of the kitchen but you don't often get an offer like that.

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

5

Corny Joke Warning on 23:50 - Oct 8 with 4909 viewsacricketer

Where do you weigh a pie?

Somewhere over the rainbow.
6

Corny Joke Warning on 00:27 - Oct 9 with 4906 viewsTrom

Love is like a fart. If you have to force it it’s probably shit
2

Corny Joke Warning on 18:53 - Oct 9 with 4786 viewsBluce_Ree

I got a new job playing the triangle for the Jamaican National Orchestra.

It's a pretty easy job...


















... I just stand around and ting.

Stefan Moore. Stefan Moore running down the wing. Stefan Moore. Stefan Moore running down the wing. He runs like a cheetah. His crosses couldn't be sweeter. Stefan Moore. Stefan Moore. Stefan Moore.
Poll: How far will we extend the away losses record?

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Corny Joke Warning on 20:02 - Oct 9 with 4761 viewsRebalhoop

Corny Joke Warning on 18:53 - Oct 9 by Bluce_Ree

I got a new job playing the triangle for the Jamaican National Orchestra.

It's a pretty easy job...


















... I just stand around and ting.


Crying 😭,that done me up big time......best by far
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Corny Joke Warning on 02:12 - Oct 10 with 4700 viewsBoston

Never marry a tennis player.

Love means nothing to them.

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

1

Corny Joke Warning on 13:53 - Oct 11 with 4479 viewsTrom

It all starts innocently, mixing chocolate and Rice Krispies, but before you know it you’re adding raisins and marshmallows – it’s a rocky road
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Corny Joke Warning on 13:58 - Oct 11 with 4474 viewsBazzaInTheLoft

When I told my family I wanted to become a comedian, they laughed.

They're not fcking laughing now though are they?

[Post edited 11 Oct 2018 13:59]
1

Corny Joke Warning on 21:18 - Oct 11 with 4354 viewsEsox_Lucius

Just found a picture of myself from the days when I was a boxer.

If you turn it sideways it looks like I'm standing up.

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

3

Corny Joke Warning on 21:53 - Oct 11 with 4328 viewscolinallcars

I gave up boxing because of something a referee said to me once. “One, two, three......”
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Corny Joke Warning on 01:04 - Oct 12 with 4277 viewsBoston

A boxer mate of mine asked if I'd like to sponsor him

S'funny, but he lost interest when I offered to put my company name on the soles of his boots.

(True story).

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

1

Corny Joke Warning on 01:25 - Oct 12 with 4274 viewsBoston

Four nuns standing at the Pearly Gates,
St Peter enquires if they've every committed a sin, the first one admits to ogling a penis, "thats ok" says Peter, "sprinkle some Holy Water on your eyes and you may enter Heaven."
He then motions to the second nun and asks her the same question, she grimaces then replies that she has fondled a mans penis, Peter instructs her to place her hand in the font and she too may enter Heaven.
At this moment the third nun jumps the queue, pushing ahead of the fourth, "why did you do that", says the old Saint?
"Because I have to gargle before she sits in it, came the response.

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

3

Corny Joke Warning on 07:56 - Oct 12 with 4213 viewsPhildo

Couple married for 10 years - all going well except she cannot achieve an orgasm.

Eventually they go to a specialist doctor who tells them it could be because her body temperature is high.

The husband asks his mate to come round and waft a towel while they are going at it to keep them cool. After half and hour there is still no sign of climax and the husband is knackered. Out of desperation the husbands mate agrees to have a go while hubby waves the towel. Within 2 minutes the wife has reached previously unimaginable ecstasy .

At this the husband triumphantly punches the air and says : 'That my friend is how you waft a towel'

'Usual left of centre poster' (have never voted labour)

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Corny Joke Warning on 14:14 - Oct 12 with 4126 viewsEsox_Lucius

Daddy, what is an alcoholic?”

“Do you see those 4 trees, son?
An alcoholic would see 8 trees.”

“Um, Dad - there's only 2 trees.”

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

6

Corny Joke Warning on 13:32 - Oct 13 with 3976 viewsBathRanger

A small girl is getting changed with her mother. Seeing her mother's breasts for the first time, the child asks "What are those?"
Having to quickly think of an innocent answer, the mother replies "Er, they're my balloons. When I die, they will help me float up to Heaven."
A few days later, as the mother's getting ready to go out, the child rushes up to her shouting "Mum! Mum! Come quick! The baby-sitter's dying! The baby-sitter's dying!"
"Oh my goodness," says the mum. "What makes you think that?"
"Well," says the child. "Daddy's lying on top of her, blowing up her balloons, and she's screaming 'Oh God I'm coming!'"
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