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Corny Joke Warning 16:56 - Aug 29 with 88483 viewsBoston

What vehicle do electricians prefer to drive?

A Volts Wagon.

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

2

Corny Joke Warning on 10:52 - Aug 17 with 2387 viewsEsox_Lucius

My son will be 32 soon I told him not to get his hopes up as his birthday will only last half a minute.
He said “what do you mean it will only last half a minute”
I said “because it’s your 32nd birthday

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

2

Corny Joke Warning on 22:51 - Aug 17 with 2309 viewsBathRanger

I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know why.
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Corny Joke Warning on 23:40 - Aug 17 with 2284 viewsacricketer

Why is 8 scared of 7?

Because 789
[Post edited 17 Aug 23:43]
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Corny Joke Warning (n/t) on 23:42 - Aug 17 with 2280 viewsacricketer

[Post edited 17 Aug 23:43]
0

Corny Joke Warning on 01:45 - Aug 18 with 2254 viewsBoston

Scots Nationalist walks into a London pub, puts down a large bag and orders a pint of beer.
Landlord pours the pint and asks, "what's in the bag, Jock?"
"Six pounds of Semtex, Sassenach", comes the reply,
"Thank gawd for that" says the guv'nor, "thought it was gonna be bleedin' bagpipes"!
[Post edited 18 Aug 1:45]

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

0

Corny Joke Warning on 02:14 - Aug 18 with 2243 viewsBoston

Roses are ..dead

Violets are dead

I'm a c nuting bad gardener.

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

2

Corny Joke Warning on 02:16 - Aug 18 with 2242 viewsBoston

Fact...If you lined up every human around the equator, most of 'em would drown.

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

0

Corny Joke Warning on 02:22 - Aug 18 with 2241 viewsBoston

Having lived in the United States for decades, I consider myself quite good at deciphering an American women's moods just by her hands...for instance, if she's pointing a gun at me, she's probably angry.

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

0
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Corny Joke Warning on 13:13 - Aug 18 with 2156 viewsBoston

Roses are red, violets are blue,
I have Alzheimer's,
Cheese on toast.

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

1

Corny Joke Warning on 13:35 - Aug 18 with 2148 viewsacricketer

Doctor: "I'm sorry but you're suffering from a terminal illness and only have 10 to live."
Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"
Doctor: "Nine."
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Corny Joke Warning on 13:37 - Aug 18 with 2147 viewsacricketer

Job interviewer: “And where would you see yourself in five years’ time Mr. Jeffries?"
Mr. Jeffries: "Personally I believe my biggest weakness is in listening."
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Corny Joke Warning on 13:40 - Aug 18 with 2146 viewsacricketer

A husband and a wife sit at the table, having dinner. The woman drops a bit of tomato sauce on her white top. "Oh no, I look like a pig!"

The man nods, "And you dropped tomato sauce on your top!"
1

Corny Joke Warning on 13:43 - Aug 18 with 2144 viewsacricketer

Boy complains to his father: You told me to put a potato in my swimming trunks! You said it would impress the girls at the pool! But you forgot to mention one thing!
Father: Really, what?
Boy: That the potato should go in the front.
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Corny Joke Warning on 13:47 - Aug 18 with 2142 viewsacricketer

One of the most wonderful things in life is to wake up and enjoy a cuddle with somebody; unless you are in prison.
1

Corny Joke Warning on 09:21 - Aug 19 with 2016 viewsMick_S

Edinburgh Fringe winner:

"I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have florets".

The winner was also responsible for this:

It's like I've always said, jokes about white sugar are rare, jokes about brown sugar... demerara."
[Post edited 19 Aug 9:32]

Did I ever mention that I was in Minder?
Poll: Should Seann and Katya stay on Strictly Come Dancing?

2

Corny Joke Warning on 17:18 - Aug 26 with 1797 viewsEsox_Lucius

I was standing in one of the lines in our fish & chips shop, after I was served I was paying and noticed a gorgeous yummy mummy in the next line. She passed a bag of chips to her little girl and the little girl immediately threw the whole bag onto the floor. The mummy said nothing but just pulled her pants down and proceeded to give her a really hard spanking. I was astonished for a few seconds but then I threw my chips on the floor.
[Post edited 28 Aug 14:21]

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

0

Corny Joke Warning on 07:10 - Aug 27 with 1683 viewsade_qpr

Wife : 'It's our wedding anniversary in a week, darling. How do you think we should celebrate?"
Husband : "With a minutes silence."

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

2

Corny Joke Warning on 07:13 - Aug 27 with 1681 viewsade_qpr

A wife is like a hand grenade. Take off the ring and say goodbye to your house.

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

1

Corny Joke Warning on 07:17 - Aug 27 with 1680 viewsade_qpr

Wait for me honey, I'm just finishing my make up.
You don't need make up, Jane.
Oh, Richard.... really? That is so sweet of you.
You need plastic surgery.

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

0

Corny Joke Warning on 07:22 - Aug 27 with 1674 viewsade_qpr

Patient: Oh doctor, I'm so nervous. This is my first operation.
Doctor: Don't worry. Mine too.

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

1

Corny Joke Warning on 14:22 - Aug 28 with 1539 viewsEsox_Lucius

The flock of prize budgerigars recently stolen in Cornwall was probably stolen to order said the Chairman of The Budgie Society, Hugh Zapretti-Boyden.

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

0

Corny Joke Warning on 21:52 - Aug 28 with 1463 viewsBoston

One of my mates retired last month, 50 years an electrician, nothing shocks him anymore.

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

2

Corny Joke Warning on 06:49 - Aug 29 with 1365 viewsade_qpr

Two donkeys are standing at a roadside, one asks the other: So shall we cross?
The other shakes his head. "No way, look what happened to the zebra."

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

1

Corny Joke Warning on 06:54 - Aug 29 with 1359 viewsade_qpr

Did you know there are no canaries on the Canary Islands?
Same as with the Virgin Islands.
There are no canaries there either.

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

3

Corny Joke Warning on 07:02 - Aug 29 with 1352 viewsade_qpr

Son: Dad I got a part in the school play. I play a man who's been been married for 25 years.
Dad: I'm sorry son, may be next time you will get a speaking part.

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

2
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