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Corny Joke Warning 16:56 - Aug 29 with 89979 viewsBoston

What vehicle do electricians prefer to drive?

A Volts Wagon.

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

2

Corny Joke Warning on 14:15 - Sep 1 with 3362 viewsBoston

Chav#1, Farking 'ell, I was shat on by a bird yesterday,

Chav #2, I wouldn't go out wiv 'er again.

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

0

Corny Joke Warning on 09:43 - Sep 2 with 3207 viewsade_qpr

A centipede kid says to his centipede mum in the the shoe shop.
Remember mum! This time no shoe laces please!!!

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

0

Corny Joke Warning on 09:47 - Sep 2 with 3205 viewsade_qpr

Teacher: "Who do you think invented dancing, children?"
Little boy puts hand up and replies, "My guess a very big Irish family that had only one toilet".

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

0

Corny Joke Warning on 09:51 - Sep 2 with 3200 viewsade_qpr

What do you call it when Batman skips church?

Christian Bale.

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

1

Corny Joke Warning on 19:57 - Sep 5 with 3007 viewsEsox_Lucius

A guy called John comes in and says "Hi there, I'm here about the pianist position."
The manager replies "That's fantastic, do you mind sitting at the piano and showing me what you can do?"
So John sits at the piano and starts to play one of the most beautiful songs the manager has ever heard. Stunned at the end of the performance he says "That's absolutely wonderful, what's it called?"
John replies "Oh it's one of my songs, I call it 'Your daughter sucked on my balls and I jizzed on her forehead'."
The manager, shocked, stammers "Oh, right... urr, do you have any more?"
The pianist resumes playing, and yet again plays an absolutely magical piece of music.
The manager says "Incredible! What do you call this one?"
John replies "Oh, I call that one 'I'm going to stick my tongue up your asshole and lick your colon'."
The manager says to him "Ok, look, you're hired. I can't let a talent like you get away, but please never let the clients know the names of your songs, it simply won't do in an establishment like this."
So John agrees and starts work that night.
A few weeks later, the buzz about the restaurant is incredible, people are so enamored with this pianist they recommend their friends, come back regularly just to eat and hear this amazing music play. And one night, the pianist says to the diners "OK ladies and gentlemen, after this song I'm going to take a short break and I'll resume my playing for you shortly," and goes off to take a small comfort break.
As he's returning from the restroom the manager swiftly approaches him and exclaims "John! Do you know your dick is hanging out of your trousers and the whole room can see it?!"
John replies "Know it?! I fücking wrote it!"

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

2

Corny Joke Warning on 09:47 - Sep 7 with 2843 viewsEsox_Lucius

I've spent so much time reading about Greek Gods, I don't know what deities.

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

5

Corny Joke Warning on 20:27 - Sep 8 with 2660 viewsEsox_Lucius

I went to a fancy dress party dressed as an oven, my mate turned up dressed as an oven too.
" I thought you were coming as a parrot" I said.
"No" he replied " I said I was coming as a cooker too"

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

0

Corny Joke Warning on 10:31 - Sep 11 with 2504 viewsEsox_Lucius

Would anyone on here who believes in telekinesis please raise my hand.

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

1
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Corny Joke Warning on 21:47 - Sep 11 with 2404 viewsEsox_Lucius

Corny Joke Warning on 10:31 - Sep 11 by Esox_Lucius

Would anyone on here who believes in telekinesis please raise my hand.


My kids keep making fun of my senility but they won't be laughing at Christmas when there are no eggs under the bonfire.

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

4

Corny Joke Warning on 22:14 - Sep 16 with 2190 viewsEsox_Lucius

I went for a job at a fishmongers. The owner said I could have the job if I could name three fish beginning with 'K'. I said 'Killer Shark, King Salmon and Kilmarnock'. He said 'Kilmarnock?'. I said 'yes its a Plaice in Scotland'

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

2

Corny Joke Warning on 11:59 - Sep 18 with 2022 viewsEsox_Lucius

A bloke came up to me today and asked, "What do you do for a living?"

I said, "I'm a spy"

He said, "Then why are you dressed like a shepherd?"

I said, "because I'm a shepherd spy".....

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

0

Corny Joke Warning on 22:02 - Sep 18 with 1896 viewsajcoombes

Ever tried to eat a clock??

Its very time consuming
1

Corny Joke Warning on 22:39 - Sep 18 with 1873 viewsacricketer

My dog just $hat on my carpet. Now, would your best mate do that?
[Post edited 19 Sep 2:44]
2

Corny Joke Warning on 13:47 - Sep 19 with 1769 viewsEsox_Lucius

So I was in B & Q and I said to the guy "What gets rid of grime and stains?"....

He said "Ammonia cleaner."....

I said "Oh sorry, I thought you worked here."

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

1
Corny Joke Warning on 15:40 - Sep 19 with 1741 viewsGaryT

Corny Joke Warning on 11:59 - Sep 18 by Esox_Lucius

A bloke came up to me today and asked, "What do you do for a living?"

I said, "I'm a spy"

He said, "Then why are you dressed like a shepherd?"

I said, "because I'm a shepherd spy".....


Edit
Oops, was trying to copy a differnt post, let's try that again.
[Post edited 19 Sep 15:41]
0
Corny Joke Warning on 15:43 - Sep 19 with 1735 viewsGaryT

Corny Joke Warning on 13:47 - Sep 19 by Esox_Lucius

So I was in B & Q and I said to the guy "What gets rid of grime and stains?"....

He said "Ammonia cleaner."....

I said "Oh sorry, I thought you worked here."


You Spackman'd yourself! (Page 3)

Is this a first?

There's been a few jokes repeated in this thread but I think this is the first time by the same poster.

[Post edited 19 Sep 15:44]
2
Corny Joke Warning on 15:51 - Sep 19 with 1721 viewsEsox_Lucius

Corny Joke Warning on 15:43 - Sep 19 by GaryT

You Spackman'd yourself! (Page 3)

Is this a first?

There's been a few jokes repeated in this thread but I think this is the first time by the same poster.

[Post edited 19 Sep 15:44]


It was for new readers who wouldn't need to scroll through it all... OK I'm lying, I forgot.

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

0
Corny Joke Warning on 16:57 - Sep 19 with 1682 viewsbosh67

Corny Joke Warning on 19:57 - Sep 5 by Esox_Lucius

A guy called John comes in and says "Hi there, I'm here about the pianist position."
The manager replies "That's fantastic, do you mind sitting at the piano and showing me what you can do?"
So John sits at the piano and starts to play one of the most beautiful songs the manager has ever heard. Stunned at the end of the performance he says "That's absolutely wonderful, what's it called?"
John replies "Oh it's one of my songs, I call it 'Your daughter sucked on my balls and I jizzed on her forehead'."
The manager, shocked, stammers "Oh, right... urr, do you have any more?"
The pianist resumes playing, and yet again plays an absolutely magical piece of music.
The manager says "Incredible! What do you call this one?"
John replies "Oh, I call that one 'I'm going to stick my tongue up your asshole and lick your colon'."
The manager says to him "Ok, look, you're hired. I can't let a talent like you get away, but please never let the clients know the names of your songs, it simply won't do in an establishment like this."
So John agrees and starts work that night.
A few weeks later, the buzz about the restaurant is incredible, people are so enamored with this pianist they recommend their friends, come back regularly just to eat and hear this amazing music play. And one night, the pianist says to the diners "OK ladies and gentlemen, after this song I'm going to take a short break and I'll resume my playing for you shortly," and goes off to take a small comfort break.
As he's returning from the restroom the manager swiftly approaches him and exclaims "John! Do you know your dick is hanging out of your trousers and the whole room can see it?!"
John replies "Know it?! I fücking wrote it!"


That's a wonder joke. The magical 3 laugh test passed.

Never knowingly right.
Poll: Rename South Africa Road stand the Stan Bowles stand

1

Corny Joke Warning on 21:27 - Sep 19 with 1607 viewsBoston

Why can't you hear a Pterodactyl having a slash

The p is silent.

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

2

Corny Joke Warning on 19:12 - Sep 23 with 1445 viewsEsox_Lucius

Naturalists have discovered a foolproof method for telling whether a reptile is an Alligator or a Crocodile; one will see you later, whilst the other will see you in a while.

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

1

Corny Joke Warning on 08:22 - Sep 30 with 1160 viewsEsox_Lucius

I got thrown out of London Zoo today, for making a parrot laugh.

It's polly tickle correctness gone mad.

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

1

Corny Joke Warning on 18:14 - Sep 30 with 1065 viewsBoston

Why is divorce so expensive?

Because it’s worth it.

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

1

Corny Joke Warning on 18:20 - Oct 1 with 884 viewswelwynranger

Browsing through the computer last night, l found conjuntevitus. com.
That is a site for sore eyes
2

Corny Joke Warning on 19:49 - Oct 1 with 845 viewsBathRanger

I've just been thrown out of my Satanist occult group. I'm really angry about it. After all the sacrifices I've made for them...
4

Corny Joke Warning on 21:02 - Oct 1 with 805 viewsacricketer

Yesterday I accidentally sent a naked picture of myself to everyone in my address book.

Not only was it embarrassing but it cost a fortune in stamps.
2
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