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Corny Joke Warning 16:56 - Aug 29 with 89648 viewsBoston

What vehicle do electricians prefer to drive?

A Volts Wagon.

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

2

Corny Joke Warning on 10:03 - Aug 31 with 4217 viewsenfieldargh

How do get a Nun pregnant?






















Dress her up as an altar boy

captains fantastic
Poll: tonights result

4

Corny Joke Warning on 10:05 - Aug 31 with 4214 viewsdontknowitall

There's a gang going through my town and shoplifting clothes in order of size.

Police believe they're still at large
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Corny Joke Warning on 10:15 - Aug 31 with 4195 viewsEsox_Lucius

Corny Joke Warning on 23:36 - Aug 30 by northampton_hoop

What do you call a man with a seagull on his head? Cliff.
A man with a bit of wood on his head? Edwood.
A man stood between two houses? Ally
A man with no shin bones? Tony.
A women with one leg longer than the other? Ilean.


Q. What do you call a woman who can sink all the balls on a snooker table whilst holding five mugs of ale in her other hand?
A. Beatrix Potter.

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

3

Corny Joke Warning on 10:59 - Aug 31 with 4161 viewshubble

Hedgehogs. Why can't they just share the hedge?
4

Corny Joke Warning on 11:39 - Aug 31 with 4133 viewsAshdown_Ranger

A bloke arrives at a nightclub, but the bouncer says he can't come in without a tie.

There's no way he can get hold of tie at that time of night, so he nips back to his car and gets a pair of jump leads, wraps them around his neck and goes back to the club.

"Can I come in now?' he asks.

The bouncer replies, "Yeah - but don't start anything."
2

Corny Joke Warning on 11:45 - Aug 31 with 4117 viewsdontknowitall

An entire city has been stolen in West Yorkshire.

Police say they have no Leeds
7

Corny Joke Warning on 12:02 - Aug 31 with 4077 viewsMick_S

“I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said ‘Analogue?’ I said ‘No, just a watch.'”

Did I ever mention that I was in Minder?
Poll: Should Seann and Katya stay on Strictly Come Dancing?

0

Corny Joke Warning on 12:26 - Aug 31 with 4052 viewsqprxtc

What did the plumber say to his wife when he wanted a divorce?

'It's over, Flo'
1
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Corny Joke Warning on 13:55 - Aug 31 with 4010 viewsqprxtc

Why does Edward Woodward have four D’s in his name?
Otherwise he’d be Ewar Woowar


What do you call a man with a plank of wood on his head?
Edward

What do you call a man with two planks of wood on his head?
Edward Wood

What do you call a man with three planks of wood on his head?
Edward Woodward

What do you call a man with four planks of wood on his head?
I don’t know but Edward Woodward would.
1

Corny Joke Warning on 13:58 - Aug 31 with 3998 viewsDorse

I went to the doctor the other day and he said that I have Gloria Gaynor Syndrome. At first, I was afraid, I was petrified.

'What do we want? We don't know! When do we want it? Now!'

4

Corny Joke Warning on 13:59 - Aug 31 with 3993 viewsCaptainPugwash

Arrrrrr....

How do 'e circumcise a Sperm Whale?
Send four skin divers down.


She were only a fishmonger's daughter but she noo 'ow to lay on a slab an' say fillet.

Yo Ho!
0

Corny Joke Warning on 12:43 - Sep 1 with 3835 viewsEsox_Lucius

Tasteless upholstery was added to an electric chair, it had dire reaper cushions.

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

0
Corny Joke Warning on 12:48 - Sep 1 with 3827 viewsEsox_Lucius

Corny Joke Warning on 13:59 - Aug 31 by CaptainPugwash

Arrrrrr....

How do 'e circumcise a Sperm Whale?
Send four skin divers down.


She were only a fishmonger's daughter but she noo 'ow to lay on a slab an' say fillet.

Yo Ho!


Albertos Y Lost Trios Paranoias used to introduce a lot of their songs on stage with variations of that joke:
She was only a pilot's daughter but she had a nice cockpit.
She was only an officers daughter but she had plenty of the sergeants mess in her.
She was only a Morse Code operators daughter but she did it, did it, did it, did it...
She was only a policemans daughter but if he knew what she was up to she would cop it.

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

1

Corny Joke Warning on 09:14 - Sep 2 with 3630 viewsade_qpr

Where do fish go to borrow money?



A loan shark.





The boy who bullied me at school still takes my lunch money. But at least he makes good Subway sandwiches.

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

1

Corny Joke Warning on 12:33 - Sep 2 with 3547 viewsBrianMcCarthy

My grief counsellor died recently but...

… luckily he was so good I didn't give a shit.






Just seen on FB.

"The opposite of love, after all, is not hate, but indifference."
Poll: Player of the Year (so far)

2

Corny Joke Warning on 18:26 - Sep 2 with 3446 viewsEsox_Lucius

Q. Why did the sperm cross the road?
A. Because I wore the wrong socks today.

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

0

Corny Joke Warning on 18:31 - Sep 2 with 3441 viewscolinallcars

Waiter, my coffee tastes like mud.
I'm not surprised sir, it was ground only a few minutes ago.
3

Corny Joke Warning on 19:39 - Sep 2 with 3409 viewsEsox_Lucius

So I was in a hardware shop and I said to the guy "What gets rid of grime and stains?"
He said "Ammonia cleaner."
I said "Oh sorry, I thought you worked here."

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

7

Corny Joke Warning on 19:55 - Sep 2 with 3394 viewsBoston

Whats the difference between your job and a dead prostitute?

Your job still sucks.

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

-1

Corny Joke Warning on 21:49 - Sep 2 with 3344 viewsEsox_Lucius

Years ago I put diesel in an escort I had...


...she died.

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

0

Corny Joke Warning on 21:56 - Sep 2 with 3335 viewsBoston

Q/ What's twelve inches long, two and a half inches in circumference and has cum in it?









a/ A Cucumber.

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

0

Corny Joke Warning on 15:03 - Sep 3 with 3205 viewsdsw2509

What did the bus conductor say to the guy with three heads, no arms and one leg?

Ello, ello, ello-you look 'armless-hop on
0
Corny Joke Warning on 15:33 - Sep 3 with 3181 viewsPommyhoop

Corny Joke Warning on 13:26 - Aug 30 by headhoops

I met a new girlfriend who told me she had a weak heart.
I told her to lie on her side and I would miss it.

where do policemen live?
In Letsbe Avenue.




http://cdn.meme.am/instances/250x250/55039027.jpg
Poll: When should Harry be sacked?

0
Corny Joke Warning on 20:13 - Sep 3 with 3084 viewsrrrspricey

Corny Joke Warning on 12:48 - Sep 1 by Esox_Lucius

Albertos Y Lost Trios Paranoias used to introduce a lot of their songs on stage with variations of that joke:
She was only a pilot's daughter but she had a nice cockpit.
She was only an officers daughter but she had plenty of the sergeants mess in her.
She was only a Morse Code operators daughter but she did it, did it, did it, did it...
She was only a policemans daughter but if he knew what she was up to she would cop it.


Thank (or fcuk) You is one of my favourite ever tunes.

We don't care what the paper say, we're gonna pogo 'til we drop
1

Corny Joke Warning on 21:01 - Sep 3 with 3057 viewsEsox_Lucius

Prince Charles visits Burnley, wearing a fox-fur hat.
While shaking hands, the Mayor says, "Lovely to have you here Your Royal Highness, but if you don't mind me asking, why the hat?"
Charles says "Actually, it was Camilla's idea. I told her I was going to Burnley, and she said wear the fox hat!"

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

3
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