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Corny Joke Warning 16:56 - Aug 29 with 656861 viewsBoston

What vehicle do electricians prefer to drive?

A Volts Wagon.

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

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Corny Joke Warning on 01:47 - Oct 18 with 6680 viewsacricketer

Corny Joke Warning on 00:35 - Oct 18 by Boston

Got to be a some sort of issue there because the last time Spock used his toilet he found the Captains Log.


At the same time he didn't find any loo roll so had to fight the Clingons.
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Corny Joke Warning on 01:49 - Oct 18 with 6680 viewsBoston

I was down the local bar this evening telling my American mates just how polite the English were. "Why" says I, "even their wars are civil".
[Post edited 18 Oct 2020 1:50]

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

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Corny Joke Warning on 02:42 - Oct 18 with 6653 viewsGaryT

Corny Joke Warning on 01:47 - Oct 18 by acricketer

At the same time he didn't find any loo roll so had to fight the Clingons.


Not a problem for James T Kirk though, I understand the T stands for Teflon.
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Corny Joke Warning on 09:09 - Oct 18 with 6584 viewsMickS

Corny Joke Warning on 00:35 - Oct 18 by Boston

Got to be a some sort of issue there because the last time Spock used his toilet he found the Captains Log.


He tried to boldly go where no one has gone before.
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Corny Joke Warning on 22:32 - Oct 18 with 6470 viewsacricketer

I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, Six should be enough.
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Corny Joke Warning on 01:32 - Oct 25 with 6287 viewsBoston

Apologies to all my mates with connections to the 'boot'...any consolation this was told to me this morning by a gent called DeRosa...

What is the Italian Battle Flag?
A white cross on a white background.

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

0
Corny Joke Warning on 09:56 - Oct 25 with 6187 viewsDorse

Corny Joke Warning on 01:32 - Oct 25 by Boston

Apologies to all my mates with connections to the 'boot'...any consolation this was told to me this morning by a gent called DeRosa...

What is the Italian Battle Flag?
A white cross on a white background.


When I was last at the Tank Museum*, one of the volunteers there told me about the unique technology fitted to Italian tanks. Specifically, 6 reverse gears and an automatic white flag raising device.

I think he might have been joking.

* If we are ever allowed out again, get down there if you can. It's brilliant.

'What do we want? We don't know! When do we want it? Now!'

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Corny Joke Warning on 12:47 - Oct 25 with 6158 viewsBoston

I have a load of jokes about unemployed people, but none of 'em work.

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

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Corny Joke Warning on 23:27 - Oct 30 with 6037 viewsqprxtc

John Wayne went for a porn film audition and got turned down.

They told him he went off half cocked.

And he was too big leggy.

(I made those up, alcohol is beautiful mysterious git)
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Corny Joke Warning on 23:50 - Oct 30 with 6028 viewsBoston

A perfectionist walked into a bar, apparently it wasn’t set high enough.

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

2
Corny Joke Warning on 00:08 - Oct 31 with 5993 viewsqprxtc

A baker told a customer a joke.

It raised a Rye smile.
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Corny Joke Warning on 00:15 - Oct 31 with 5981 viewsqprxtc

Corny Joke Warning on 23:50 - Oct 30 by Boston

A perfectionist walked into a bar, apparently it wasn’t set high enough.


Ha ! I’m nicking that!
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Corny Joke Warning on 19:32 - Nov 3 with 5885 viewsstevec

Just got back from my local Tesco. I saw a bloke buying 4 crates of San Miguel, 5 Paella’s and 3 Sombreros. I thought to myself...

Hispanic buying.
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Corny Joke Warning on 20:42 - Nov 3 with 5845 viewshantssi

Corny Joke Warning on 09:56 - Oct 25 by Dorse

When I was last at the Tank Museum*, one of the volunteers there told me about the unique technology fitted to Italian tanks. Specifically, 6 reverse gears and an automatic white flag raising device.

I think he might have been joking.

* If we are ever allowed out again, get down there if you can. It's brilliant.


Agreed, brilliant place, got a free tour there a few years ago as we were pricing a job there.
As a coincidence, I’m currently pricing another project there, with a bit of luck we’ll get another free tour.
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Corny Joke Warning on 07:56 - Nov 4 with 5749 viewsdistortR

Corny Joke Warning on 20:42 - Nov 3 by hantssi

Agreed, brilliant place, got a free tour there a few years ago as we were pricing a job there.
As a coincidence, I’m currently pricing another project there, with a bit of luck we’ll get another free tour.


shit joke, Hants.
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Corny Joke Warning on 09:10 - Nov 4 with 5716 viewsMick_S

Corny Joke Warning on 07:56 - Nov 4 by distortR

shit joke, Hants.


I don't get it.

Did I ever mention that I was in Minder?

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Corny Joke Warning on 00:00 - Nov 5 with 5655 viewsNewBee

Corny Joke Warning on 09:56 - Oct 25 by Dorse

When I was last at the Tank Museum*, one of the volunteers there told me about the unique technology fitted to Italian tanks. Specifically, 6 reverse gears and an automatic white flag raising device.

I think he might have been joking.

* If we are ever allowed out again, get down there if you can. It's brilliant.


If you're going to repeat this hoary old chestnut, at least get it right:

Italian tanks - six reverse gears and one forward gear (in case they get attacked from the rear)
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Corny Joke Warning on 22:45 - Nov 5 with 5538 viewsEsox_Lucius

A woman sends a text message to her husband. "Don't forget to buy bread when you leave work and before you greet Valerie"
Husband texts back "Who is Valerie?"
Wife: "Nobody, I just wanted you to text me back and confirm you had read my message".
Husband: "But I am with Valerie right now, I thought you had seen us".
Wife: "What! Where are you?"
Husband: I am at the bakery right now".
Wife: "Wait there, I'll be there in five minutes"
Five minutes pass by and the the wife sends another text message."Where are you? I am stood outside the bakery"
Husband: "I am still at work but since you are at the bakery, you can pick up the bread".
[Post edited 6 Nov 2020 9:20]

The grass is always greener.

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Corny Joke Warning on 01:15 - Nov 6 with 5489 viewsjohncharles

What’s the difference between Italians and toast ?
You can make soldiers with toast

Strong and stable my arse.

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Corny Joke Warning on 13:28 - Nov 6 with 5385 viewsqprxtc

I've got a new job collecting leaves.

I'll be raking it in.
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Corny Joke Warning on 13:44 - Nov 6 with 5371 viewsBlackCrowe

Not sure how well this one writes because i enjoy telling it, but here goes...

Dimtri is sat on top a hill looking down on the main town of the greek island he has spent his entire life on. He is upset and distressed.

A walker comes by and stop and says 'My friend - what's wrong?'

- Well, look down on the town there. You see that building on the left of the port with the blue windown frames. In my twenties, i built that with my own bare hands, so that island's children could finally have a school to learn in.
And do they now call me Dimitri the Educator? No they don't

- And that building the left of it with the steeple. I built that Church from scratch, so the island's people had a place for prayer, and do they call me Dimitri the Faithgiver. No they don't.

- You see that big white building to the right of the port. Well in my fifties, i raised the funding, built that hospital myself and got the best doctors and nurses over from Athens. And do they call me Dimitri the Healthprovider? No they don't.

<scroll down dear reader>










- I shag one sheep....

Poll: Kitchen threads or polls?

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Corny Joke Warning on 13:49 - Nov 6 with 5362 viewsMick_S

I quit my job working at a helium factory

I refuse to be spoken to in that tone of voice.

Did I ever mention that I was in Minder?

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Corny Joke Warning on 23:05 - Nov 6 with 5272 viewsEsox_Lucius

A few years ago I signed up for my first ever parachute jump. To say I was nervous would be a gross understatement but the people running it told not to worry as I would be strapped to an experienced instructor who would help with my nerves.
Imagine how I felt after having jumped out of the plane and the bloke strapped to my back shouts out "So, how long have you been an instructor"?

The grass is always greener.

2
Corny Joke Warning on 23:40 - Nov 6 with 5256 viewsBoston

If you’re skydiving and your parachute doesn’t work, DON’T PANIC

You’ve got the rest of your life to open it.

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

1
Corny Joke Warning on 11:46 - Nov 7 with 5174 viewsEsox_Lucius

Three weeks after her wedding day, Anna called the vicar,” she wailed “Dave and I have had a DREADFUL fight”
“Calm down, my child,” said the vicar, it’s not half as bad as you think, every marriage has to have its first fight”
“I know, I know” said Anna, “but what am I going to do with the BODY!”

The grass is always greener.

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