| Corny Joke Warning 16:56 - Aug 29 with 672452 views | Boston |
What vehicle do electricians prefer to drive?
A Volts Wagon. |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 09:38 - May 28 with 5572 views | Esox_Lucius |
| Corny Joke Warning on 07:06 - May 28 by Toast_R |
When Phillip Schofield said he was doing a runner I thought he meant he was leaving early? |
He has also turned down the Spurs job too saying he doesn't want to ruin his reputation. |  |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 11:05 - May 28 with 5475 views | Sonofpugwash |
I've just been reading a book about luxurious underground rooms.
It's a best cellar. |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 13:04 - May 31 with 5281 views | loftboy |
I just phoned my doctor to explain whilst watching the trophy presentation at this years Championship Playoffs at Wembley, I became bloated, developed a headache and suffered stomach cramps.
He just said I was Luton Intolerant. |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 18:24 - Jun 12 with 4920 views | westy |
Two parrots on a perch
One said to the other can you smell fish | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 18:27 - Jun 12 with 4916 views | westy |
Two owls playing pool.
One pots the white the other says
That’s two wits to me
He says two wits too whoo | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 16:28 - Jun 29 with 4518 views | Esox_Lucius |
53,000 Geordies meet in St James Park for a "Geordies Are Not Stupid" convention.
Alan Shearer addresses the crowd: "We are all here today to prove to the world that Geordies are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer please?"
Gazza gingerly works his way through the crowd and steps up to the stage. Shearer asks him "What is 15 plus 15?" After 20 seconds
Gazza says "Eighteen!"
Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then the Geordies start chanting "Give him another chance! Give him another chance!"
Shearer says "Well since we have a capacity crowd, world-wide press and global broadcast media here, I think we can give him another chance. So he
asks "What is 5 plus 5?" After nearly 30 seconds Gazza eventually says "Ninety?"
Shearer looks down and lets out a dejected sigh. Everyone is disheartened and Gazza starts crying. But then the 53,000 Geordies begin to yell and
wave their hands shouting "Give him another chance! Give him another chance!"
Shearer, unsure whether he is now doing more harm than good eventually says "OK, what is 2 plus 2?" Silence hangs over the stadium.
Gazza closes his eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says "Four?"
Pandemonium breaks out throughout the stadium as the Geordie crowd stand, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream
"Give him another chance! Give him another chance!" | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 11:44 - Jul 1 with 4293 views | colinallcars |
I bumped into my neighbour on Stamford Brook station yesterday.
“ I'm off to the opera “ I said.
“ Gotterdammerung ? “ He said.
“ No mate, I've given 'em up “ I said. |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 14:37 - Jul 1 with 4201 views | DavieQPR |
| Corny Joke Warning on 17:04 - May 18 by Esox_Lucius |
Doctor: Your brain seems to have deleted all information about 80s music!
Me: Yikes! What is The Cure?
Doctor: Oh my God. It is worse than I thought. |
The Devon and Cornwall Music Society have cancelled their golden oldies music festival as they couldn't decide if The Cream or the Jam came first. |  | | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 00:21 - Jul 2 with 4047 views | Boston |
Why is six afraid of seven?
Seven is a registered six offender. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 00:32 - Jul 2 with 4038 views | Boston |
Roman walks into a pub and orders a Martinus.
"You mean a Martini dont'ya" replies the barman?
Roman responds, "if I wanted a double, I'd have bloody well asked for it." | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 00:37 - Jul 2 with 4035 views | Boston |
Following day the Roman returns
Holds up two fingers
Asks for five pints. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 21:34 - Jul 5 with 3804 views | hantssi |
| Corny Joke Warning on 00:37 - Jul 2 by Boston |
Following day the Roman returns
Holds up two fingers
Asks for five pints. |
Just got back from Asda, they had baked chicken pastry crusts from Trinidad for £4.29 and beef ones from St Kitts for £5.23.
That’s pie rates of the Caribbean for you! | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 22:54 - Jul 5 with 3772 views | Boston |
| Corny Joke Warning on 21:34 - Jul 5 by hantssi |
Just got back from Asda, they had baked chicken pastry crusts from Trinidad for £4.29 and beef ones from St Kitts for £5.23.
That’s pie rates of the Caribbean for you! |
Did you leave a Depposit? | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 07:23 - Jul 6 with 3662 views | Esox_Lucius |
I just blew my savings on a Bentley Mulsanne Turbo on the same day I was informed I had lost my licence for 12 months. I don't have the money now to pay for someone to drive me around in it so it looks like I have spent all my money on a car and have nothing to chauffer it. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 14:16 - Jul 7 with 3502 views | Sonofpugwash |
If I went on social media and criticised fish could I be charged with a hake crime? | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 19:54 - Jul 8 with 3304 views | hantssi |
My wife and I met at a 'Make a Jelly in the Shape of a US President' class, and I knew she was the one, from the moment I set Eisenhower. | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 21:34 - Jul 11 with 3116 views | Boston |
I'm considering buying another work truck, but I'm slightly concerned that nearly all on show in the dealership are of the electric variety.
The salesman was lovely though, assured me that 95% of electric vehicles are still on the road.
The other 5% have made it home. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 16:25 - Jul 15 with 2847 views | easthertsr |
The inventor of Autocorrect died today. His funnel will be held tomato. | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 09:34 - Jul 16 with 2668 views | Esox_Lucius |
The neighbours invited us around to see their new born baby and, after they got him ready for bed and fed him, asked if I wanted to wind him. I thought that is a bit harsh so I just gave him a dead leg. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 16:28 - Jul 16 with 2565 views | Boston |
So much has changed since my girlfriend told me she was pregnant.
My name, address, phone number... | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 21:46 - Jul 16 with 2446 views | Rebalhoop |
I asked Elton John if he preferred Iceberg lettuce or Kos lettuce,
He said he was more of a Rocket Man…. | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 22:05 - Jul 16 with 2438 views | numptydumpty |
More and more people are making Apocalypse jokes
Almost like there's no tomorrow
[Post edited 16 Jul 2023 22:05]
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| Corny Joke Warning on 22:10 - Jul 16 with 2423 views | numptydumpty |
Me "Doctor. I have broken my arm in several places "
Doctor " Well, don't go to those places then." | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 22:13 - Jul 16 with 2421 views | numptydumpty |
Me "Doctor Doctor. I think I am a QPR fan."
Doctor "You poor funking bustard. Sorry mate, you're well and truly fricking screwed then" | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 08:34 - Jul 17 with 2310 views | Esox_Lucius |
On my driving test my examiner asked to pull over into a parking space when it was safe to do so. Ten minutes later he asked why I hadn't pulled over yet. I told him "we're still in Liverpool". | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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