| Funny things you have seen at a football match 18:18 - Oct 21 with 8216 views | CFW |
I took my grandson to watch our local team on Saturday afternoon - I used to be very involved with them in the past and was chairman of the youth football teams for quite a few years so obviously I know quite a few people at the club.
Anyway the first team are doing much better this year after three years of total dross - on Saturday the game kicked off and after about half an hour the ball went in the air and was contested by one of our team and one the the opposition. Their player came off worse and was on the floor - we noticed something on the ground and assumed it was a bit of turf that had been ripped up but no it was not - his wig had come off and was on the ground next to him. He tried to get it back on but this was not an easy job - we were pissing ourselves and even his team mates could see the funny side and were trying very hard not to laugh.
Wiggy as we then called him, did not come out for the second half which was a pity  |  | | |  |
| Funny things you have seen at a football match on 18:44 - Oct 21 with 5828 views | Boston |
Not at the game, but on the way home. Returning from Man Utd, April ‘77 I think, the train slowed down somewhere in the Midlands to one of those ‘clank clank, clank clank’ 5 mile an hour periods so prevalent back then, we’d lost but we’re all cheerful as we’d got out of Old Trafford without a kicking. I’m sitting facing the way the train was going and can’t believe my eyes, I start pointing and everyone’s at the windows to watch a buxom blonde running along in the field beside the track. Totally naked she was, laughing her head off with some bloke who looked like he’d escaped from Emmerdale Farm, chasing her wearing only a flat cap and an unbuttoned long coat showing the world his tackle. All the Rangers fans were hooting and hollering, banging on the glass, couldn’t believe what they were seeing!
I mentioned this on another board once and nobody responded, anyone on here aboard that ‘special’? [Post edited 21 Oct 2019 18:50]
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| Funny things you have seen at a football match on 18:48 - Oct 21 with 5814 views | WokingR |
Bloke in the Ellerslie road toilets last winter was holding his coat up while he stood at the urinal. He didn’t notice it drop down mid pee as he slowly filled his coat up. |  | | |
| Funny things you have seen at a football match on 18:50 - Oct 21 with 5811 views | longbottom |
Many years ago was watching a local game in Ipswich and the keepers toupee flew off. Fair play to the feller he finished the game bare headed, as it were. Gave us all a laugh. |  | | |
| Funny things you have seen at a football match on 18:56 - Oct 21 with 5789 views | hantssi |
Playing in an away game near Twickenham one Saturday in the ‘80’s, the ball went over the netting behind the goal into the small stream for a goal kick.
As a defender I had to retrieve the ball using a pole left there for such occasions, unfortunately it had rained heavily during the week and the bank was wet and the stream swollen, I don’t need to tell you what happened next but I can tell you playing for about half an hour soaked to the waist was no comfortable at all!
Also, anyone remember our Terry Mancini doing the pre-match warm up with a wig on only to whip it off just before kick-off?
We all thought we’d signed a new centre half! | | | |
| Funny things you have seen at a football match on 19:01 - Oct 21 with 5770 views | Esox_Lucius |
Mark Lazarus running down the Ellerslie Road touchline with his shorts in his hand and the ball at his feet. |  |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Funny things you have seen at a football match on 19:03 - Oct 21 with 5762 views | HantsR |
| Funny things you have seen at a football match on 18:56 - Oct 21 by hantssi |
Playing in an away game near Twickenham one Saturday in the ‘80’s, the ball went over the netting behind the goal into the small stream for a goal kick.
As a defender I had to retrieve the ball using a pole left there for such occasions, unfortunately it had rained heavily during the week and the bank was wet and the stream swollen, I don’t need to tell you what happened next but I can tell you playing for about half an hour soaked to the waist was no comfortable at all!
Also, anyone remember our Terry Mancini doing the pre-match warm up with a wig on only to whip it off just before kick-off?
We all thought we’d signed a new centre half! |
Yeah I remember that, it was a joke based on talk about our team needing a younger person in that position!
There was another wig joke against Bobby Charlton when he looked at our precious ground (in 1968?) and sneered about having to pay 1st Division football ...here!? |  | | |
| Funny things you have seen at a football match on 19:27 - Oct 21 with 5719 views | rrrspricey |
At Palace a few years back, a girls team played at half time. When they finished they did a lap of honour in their Palace kits.
When they got to the Rs fans one girl lifted her top to show her hoops underneath  |  | | |
| Funny things you have seen at a football match on 19:43 - Oct 21 with 5676 views | dezzar |
Blokes obviously gota problem with being bald , felt so bad he couldnt come out for youse to take the piss out of him .Excellent | | | |
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| Funny things you have seen at a football match on 22:51 - Oct 21 with 5533 views | rrrspricey |
Can't belive I nearly forgot...Dell, early to mid 90s...
"You're fat and your bird's a slag," | | | |
| Funny things you have seen at a football match on 23:21 - Oct 21 with 5493 views | kensalriser |
Portman Rd circa 74-75, Phil Parkes bends down to pick up the ball, splits his shorts right down the back. Had to change into a fresh pair on the touchline. |  |
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| Funny things you have seen at a football match on 23:59 - Oct 21 with 5453 views | lave16 |
| Funny things you have seen at a football match on 23:21 - Oct 21 by kensalriser |
Portman Rd circa 74-75, Phil Parkes bends down to pick up the ball, splits his shorts right down the back. Had to change into a fresh pair on the touchline. |
Playing an under age match one time about 100 people at it (Big crowd whoo hoo) - match was run of the mill, ref blew for half time as we walked to the sideline to get told what we were doing wrong - some clampet on the sideline ran on to the centre circle and mooned - everyone laughed and half the people turned away bored - then someone shouted "hey boy - do you never wash your arse?". That seemed to peak everyone's attention cue lots more laughing, a big red face and your make making of like Linford Christie - killed any seriousness in the half time team talk. Also your man picked up a lifetime nickname of 'smelly hole'... | |
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| Funny things you have seen at a football match on 00:06 - Oct 22 with 5447 views | BazzaInTheLoft |
That kid’s face.
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| Funny things you have seen at a football match on 00:09 - Oct 22 with 5446 views | timcocking |
Those two Hull players with ponytails... |  | | |
| Funny things you have seen at a football match on 00:10 - Oct 22 with 5445 views | timcocking |
| Funny things you have seen at a football match on 00:06 - Oct 22 by BazzaInTheLoft |
That kid’s face.
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Ha! Beauty. Is that anybody on here? They should use that picture on the offy. | | | |
| Funny things you have seen at a football match on 00:59 - Oct 22 with 5424 views | Boston |
| Funny things you have seen at a football match on 00:10 - Oct 22 by timcocking |
Ha! Beauty. Is that anybody on here? They should use that picture on the offy. |
Oh yeah, he’d Been to the Offy alright...and the pub. | |
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| Funny things you have seen at a football match on 05:54 - Oct 22 with 5353 views | headhoops |
| Funny things you have seen at a football match on 18:44 - Oct 21 by Boston |
Not at the game, but on the way home. Returning from Man Utd, April ‘77 I think, the train slowed down somewhere in the Midlands to one of those ‘clank clank, clank clank’ 5 mile an hour periods so prevalent back then, we’d lost but we’re all cheerful as we’d got out of Old Trafford without a kicking. I’m sitting facing the way the train was going and can’t believe my eyes, I start pointing and everyone’s at the windows to watch a buxom blonde running along in the field beside the track. Totally naked she was, laughing her head off with some bloke who looked like he’d escaped from Emmerdale Farm, chasing her wearing only a flat cap and an unbuttoned long coat showing the world his tackle. All the Rangers fans were hooting and hollering, banging on the glass, couldn’t believe what they were seeing!
I mentioned this on another board once and nobody responded, anyone on here aboard that ‘special’? [Post edited 21 Oct 2019 18:50]
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Wasn’t on the special too busy running through a field with just my raincoat on |  |
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| Funny things you have seen at a football match on 06:05 - Oct 22 with 5346 views | loftboy |
In the Beaumont arms (defectors weld) before the westham fa cup game in 88, place was packed, mixture of Qpr and westham, old lady in the corner lifts up her top and sticks the old boys head onto her saggy tits, a pissed westham fan gets his dick out and waves it in front of her, before he could move she’s grabbed it and stuck it in her toothless mouth, the whole pub was crying with laughter, to say the westham fan looked gutted was an understatement. |  |
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| Funny things you have seen at a football match on 06:59 - Oct 22 with 5316 views | PlanetHonneywood |
St. George’s Primary School, Harrow. Circa 1975, 3rd year end-of-year match. Big pre-game news: 8 year-old Planethonneywood on the bench!
Now you know how important these games are as a kid, and how the score can resemble a basketball game; well I came on with ten to go and it’s still nils.
With seconds left, the ball comes to me unmarked in the box. I control it instantly but I’ve got two big problems: their centre half charges toward me and as a right legged amputee, I realise I’ve got no time to get the ball on to my left leg to shoot.
As I bring my right leg down to shoot, I get an ‘uh oh!’ feeling and as contact is made with the ball, it becomes ‘oh f..k!!’ The prosthesis comes flying off and starts heading in a fast moving perfect parabola toward the goal. This is in marked contrast to the ball which is moving at an agonisingly pedestrian pace toward the goal as well.
All of which presents their keeper with the most awful dilemma: how does he save a certain match winner and still avoid brain injury from a blunt trauma to his head courtesy of a fast approaching projectile.
I have fallen to the ground and have a plum seat watching this agonising situation for all unfurl. The keeper moves aside just as ball and then leg cross the line together. Utter mayhem ensues, the likes of which was not seen in the area until 24 May 2014, as I lay half-legless in the box.
Whereupon the centrehalf looks at me and says words to the effect, ‘does that count?’ Just then the keeper joins us with my leg in his paws and says I’I think this is yours!’ |  |
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| Funny things you have seen at a football match on 07:33 - Oct 22 with 5298 views | Walnut |
Hartlepool Deckchair guy (sorry, need to mention him at least once a season) | | | |
| Funny things you have seen at a football match on 08:19 - Oct 22 with 5244 views | CliveWilsonSaid |
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| Funny things you have seen at a football match on 08:30 - Oct 22 with 5229 views | Metallica_Hoop |
Sitting next to a drunk guy in ellerslie with Orthodox_Hoop he was from somewhere either in Africa or middle east (accent was hard to tell) anyway he loved Tarby and the linesman wasn't giving him any support. "My friend the number 9" he kept telling us.
Anyway the lino made another bad decision and he turned to us and said "If this was my country we would kill him" nodding sagely.
I tried very hard not to smile. |  |
| Beer and Beef has made us what we are - The Prince Regent |
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| Funny things you have seen at a football match on 08:30 - Oct 22 with 5226 views | DannyPaddox |
| Funny things you have seen at a football match on 06:59 - Oct 22 by PlanetHonneywood |
St. George’s Primary School, Harrow. Circa 1975, 3rd year end-of-year match. Big pre-game news: 8 year-old Planethonneywood on the bench!
Now you know how important these games are as a kid, and how the score can resemble a basketball game; well I came on with ten to go and it’s still nils.
With seconds left, the ball comes to me unmarked in the box. I control it instantly but I’ve got two big problems: their centre half charges toward me and as a right legged amputee, I realise I’ve got no time to get the ball on to my left leg to shoot.
As I bring my right leg down to shoot, I get an ‘uh oh!’ feeling and as contact is made with the ball, it becomes ‘oh f..k!!’ The prosthesis comes flying off and starts heading in a fast moving perfect parabola toward the goal. This is in marked contrast to the ball which is moving at an agonisingly pedestrian pace toward the goal as well.
All of which presents their keeper with the most awful dilemma: how does he save a certain match winner and still avoid brain injury from a blunt trauma to his head courtesy of a fast approaching projectile.
I have fallen to the ground and have a plum seat watching this agonising situation for all unfurl. The keeper moves aside just as ball and then leg cross the line together. Utter mayhem ensues, the likes of which was not seen in the area until 24 May 2014, as I lay half-legless in the box.
Whereupon the centrehalf looks at me and says words to the effect, ‘does that count?’ Just then the keeper joins us with my leg in his paws and says I’I think this is yours!’ |
Though Honeywood’s leg was in an offside position when the goal was scored, if we go back to the previous phase of play when the prosthetic was intact we find that the scoring limb was both onside and behind the ball. The goal stands - unlike the goal scorer immediately after. GOAL! |  | | |
| Funny things you have seen at a football match on 09:42 - Oct 22 with 5149 views | smegma |
| Funny things you have seen at a football match on 00:06 - Oct 22 by BazzaInTheLoft |
That kid’s face.
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I'm just out of view on the left back row. My daughter was mascot and I had to cover her eyes as the div decided to strip. | | | |
| Funny things you have seen at a football match on 09:48 - Oct 22 with 5140 views | smegma |
Funniest thing was Easter Monday 1986, some team were going for the title. They shipped 4 goals at home to West Ham 48 days before but were still in contention. As Ken Bates left the Directors Box with about 10 minutes to go we asked " Batesey Batesey give us a wave". He then took out a white handkerchief (very appropriate) from his his breast pocket and waved it in the air. | | | |
| Funny things you have seen at a football match on 09:56 - Oct 22 with 5128 views | JAPRANGERS |
| Funny things you have seen at a football match on 00:06 - Oct 22 by BazzaInTheLoft |
That kid’s face.
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The old git flashing the sausage used to be on here up to about 2 seasons ago. Holloway, remember him? The guy who claimed he had a harem of about 10 lesbians 
What happened to the dude?? |  | | |
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