| Care home 07:27 - Jun 1 with 5486 views | stowmarketrange |
Does anyone know how you get started finding a care home for someone?
My father-in-law lives on his own,and I pop over for a few hours every day but he keeps falling over,and I haven’t got the strength to pick him up on my own,so obviously the situation can’t continue.
Do I contact the council or the doctors first?
Thanks for any advice. |  | | |  |
| Care home on 07:39 - Jun 1 with 4671 views | Sonic_Hoop |
I think you need to get in touch with the local council and ask for a care needs assessment to get things moving. Best of luck with everything. |  | | |
| Care home on 07:52 - Jun 1 with 4619 views | loftboy |
Yep ring the council, my mum had to go into one during lockdown as my dad was taken ill, they sorted it really quick.
She ended up staying there for 3 years! |  |
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| Care home on 11:43 - Jun 1 with 4385 views | Lblock |
Firstly -- good luck and all the best with your FIL
Obviously his health is the absolute priority but........ if at all possible try to take some steps to ring fence his estate if he does indeed have anything. Rachel and her gang will look to charge the absolute max and put charges against any asset going.
If he's a multi millionaire then go private (!!!) but if you're sort of middle of the road then the LA and goverment will want payment.
I know that is a proper cold attitude but having experienced first hand the cash grab due to circumstances it's just a heads up. |  |
| Cherish and enjoy life.... this ain't no dress rehearsal |
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| Care home on 12:38 - Jun 1 with 4270 views | StreathamRanger |
Try and visit as many local care homes as you can to get a feeling for the place. They will also be able to advise on the steps needed if going through local authority. My mum doesn't receive any support from LA and her care home costs an eye watering £2300 per week. This is partly due to additional costs for specialist dementia care. We have been able to sell her house in Balham to pay for it.
Fortunately, you're not based in London so should be significantly cheaper to find somewhere you're father in law would be happy in Suffolk |  | | |
| Care home on 13:55 - Jun 1 with 4172 views | DWQPR |
Consider a live in carer who would be cheaper than a care home and would allow your FIL Ato live out his days in his own home. Hopefully finances are fluid enough to allow this. | |
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| Care home on 14:10 - Jun 1 with 4134 views | kingsburyR |
| Care home on 12:38 - Jun 1 by StreathamRanger |
Try and visit as many local care homes as you can to get a feeling for the place. They will also be able to advise on the steps needed if going through local authority. My mum doesn't receive any support from LA and her care home costs an eye watering £2300 per week. This is partly due to additional costs for specialist dementia care. We have been able to sell her house in Balham to pay for it.
Fortunately, you're not based in London so should be significantly cheaper to find somewhere you're father in law would be happy in Suffolk |
About to go through this with my FIL.
His dementia is worsening and as he lives by himself (and only around the corner from us) my wife is getting worried he might accidently hurt himself or leave something on that he shouldnt.
Quotes up here in Hertfordshire start at approx. £1400 per week heading north of £2k.
Ill keep looking on here for any advice.
You R'sssssssssssssssssss |  |
| Dont know why we bother. .... but we do! |
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| Care home on 14:18 - Jun 1 with 4110 views | bosh67 |
My girlfriend's foster dad had a number of problems and fell a lot. He had a few strokes so was in and out of hospital but I started the process with his GP. A GP came to see him at home to make an assessment. That assessment went to the NHS and local council and in the end, for quite a few years, we got him a good home package where carers came in three times a day.
We also got him a Careline wristband. My mum has one now. It has a fall detector on it and if a person falls it immediately connects with the 24/7 care line service and they can speak through a hub and arrange an ambulance. www.careline.co.uk brilliant service and costs me £20 a month.
If your father-in-law does have home care and the care line service he'll also need a keysafe for the door. You can then connect that to the NHS who will have details of how to get in using it if they need entry to the house (ambulance etc). Here's some details https://www.nnuh.nhs.uk/wp-con
Very best of luck. I've been there but if he can get a home package to start with it gives you all time to think as well. |  |
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| Care home on 15:00 - Jun 1 with 4058 views | captainmycaptian |
Local social services will point you in right direction. He will probably get a care assessment and package to follow. This may have to be paid for by him. They may help put control measures in ie handles and a walking frame fall alert bracelet ect start at them be lucky its a hard task | | | |
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| Care home on 15:14 - Jun 1 with 4033 views | Superhoops2808 |
Stowmarket, I have very little to add from the good advice you have been given except this. We went through it with my MIL and because she was a homeowner, the LA were not interested. Expect to be paying for this privately, so shop about as the cheapest is not always the worst and the most expensive is not always the best - Without making light of it - liken it to footballers.
It is very hard and recommend looking at at least 6-7 and also now there is the benefit of the internet do lots of searches on each one.
Good luck mate, because I know in-laws are the butt of many jokes but I adored my MIL and Mrs Superhoops and I did loads of homework to find a local but excellent care home so she wasnt cut off. Sadly she never made it in time to see one  |  | | |
| Care home on 16:47 - Jun 1 with 3929 views | stevec |
| Care home on 07:39 - Jun 1 by Sonic_Hoop |
I think you need to get in touch with the local council and ask for a care needs assessment to get things moving. Best of luck with everything. |
This is the way to start, apologies, downvoted by error.
It’s tough but LBlock makes some poignant comment and if your father in law does own his property might be worth getting professional advice.
My experience of this with my mother was an eye opener. She was diagnosed with dementia and from there on it was clinical.
1) had private care as NHS can’t handle it although they stay heavily involved behind the scenes. My mum was cared for at home until her savings ran out whereupon the private carers leave the premises, so to speak, and the NHS and council services essentially refused to care for her at home even though they’re meant to when savings had gone below £23500 and put heavy pressure to put her into a care home. Goodbye her house essentially.
Anyway, that may be fair enough, but if you can avoid or put off a dementia assessment, chances are he may not have it, then he should get care required at home for a lot longer under NHS rather than private.
It’s a minefield tbh, and of course you want the best for him. But be careful of the emotional pressure put on you. That will happen when the money runs short. |  | | |
| Care home on 18:30 - Jun 1 with 3819 views | cuprunnethover |
Freemasons do some very helpful things for members & their relatives. If not can you adapt to living together. If not look for "live in" help if finances allow it or regular help mornings, lunchtime and teatimes. Unfortunately it, usually, costs a lot of money.
Being sectioned is never good, but on the plus side it does mean that the government pay for the entire care bill afterwards.
Dealing with ageing can be a bit overwhelming but please try to smile whenever you can. | | | |
| Care home on 18:39 - Jun 1 with 3800 views | StreathamRanger |
| Care home on 14:10 - Jun 1 by kingsburyR |
About to go through this with my FIL.
His dementia is worsening and as he lives by himself (and only around the corner from us) my wife is getting worried he might accidently hurt himself or leave something on that he shouldnt.
Quotes up here in Hertfordshire start at approx. £1400 per week heading north of £2k.
Ill keep looking on here for any advice.
You R'sssssssssssssssssss |
My mum was living alone and it became increasingly difficult to keep her safe. She would not engage with the carer we arranged to help her in her home. She stopped eating and was incredibly vulnerable. Fortunately we made the decision to move her into a care home before something really bad happened but a lot of people only make the move once a real crisis hits. It's an incredibly hard decision to make but we really had no choice. Caring for someone with advancing dementia requires specialists in a specialist environment.
Mum is doing well, having been in her care home for 3 years now. We are lucky that her dementia has not left her in a state of agitation. She does not really know who we are any more but she is happy to be in our company and we try and get in and see her at least once a week.
It's the cruellest disease. I've come to accept it but occasionally you stop to think about it and you realise how horribly sad it all is.
Good luck to you, your wife and your father in law. I know you will do what is right for him. | | | |
| Care home on 19:18 - Jun 1 with 3752 views | numptydumpty |
My grandma was in the same care home that.my dad went into. My mum passed away quickly without going into any care home.
Both my nan and dad were not in the home with extra needs ie dementia, but because they were both close to death, they got a place.
Both only in for a couple of months.
My nan initially went into a council funded one where she lived but she was moved to a private funded one for her last couple of months as it was nearer to the vast majority of the family. i think she still had some of her fees paid for, even though the second home was more expensive.
Dads one was self funded as he had property and savings.
My friend recently his brother sadly has developed a brain tumour and after being in hospital for several months has been moved to a care home but again he has a lot of savings , good pension and property also So is private funded. But again the fees are much higher because his medical needs due to having an advanced brain tumour, obviously they need more highly skilled medical staff employed as opposed to a resident who is in there due to difficulties managing to be independent.
With my dad, we kept him independent in his own home for as long as possible and when none of us could make it over, we had care staff set up for him in the mornings afternoons and evenings, so you just paid the hourly rates for carers visits.
As others have said contact social services at your local council for a care needs assessment. They may deem it ok for him to be cared for at home for a period as obviously if its safely possible for him to be considered for home support currently, that is obviously if possible nicer for your dad to stay in his own home for as long as possible and also less impact on the bank balance, if he has to pay.
And also as others have said the amount he pays is also determined by a financial assessment of his assets etc....
I do wish you well StowMarket its a very very tough part of life, no doubt. [Post edited 1 Jun 19:26]
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| Care home on 21:04 - Jun 1 with 3631 views | Tonytone |
As others have posted, start with the local council Adult Social care team for an assessment - if they assess their needs as too great for home care they will be able to give you some info on local ones - and you can also search on here https://www.cqc.org.uk/care-se and then read their inspection reports too | | | |
| Care home on 21:36 - Jun 1 with 3587 views | StreathamRanger |
If memory serves me correctly, we asked for a needs assessment for my mum from her local authority and there was quite a significant wait time. Her deterioration was so rapid that we didn't have time to wait for it and had to take matters into our own hands. Because she has property, money inherited from my dad (they were separated but still on good terms) and a decent pension the local authority only offered to pay something like £200 a month towards her care costs of around £10,000 per month. She was 75 when she had to go and live in a care home (78 now) and should have had plenty of years left to enjoy her retirement.
As LBlock mentioned, if your father in law has any assets it would be worth seeking financial advice as well so any legacy can be protected as best as possible. | | | |
| Care home on 21:46 - Jun 1 with 3577 views | stowmarketrange |
Thanks to everyone for their advice.
Him and his wife put their house in a trust fund about 8 years ago,and the law firm we dealt with say that it’s unlikely that any of it would go towards care fees,but we’ll see what happens with that when it happens.He does have a fair chunk of savings though which will obviously go on fees.
We already have the medical alarm for him in case he needs help,but it looks like either my wife or me will be staying over here for the foreseeable future.
It’s really only a problem when he falls over as both of us couldn’t get him off the floor last night,and we had to call the neighbours in to help lift him.My wife even had to call someone out at 1.30am as he fell on his way to bed.
It’s my turn tonight so I’m hoping for a quieter one.I just have to put up with midsummer murders on the tv as that’s his favourite show.Luckily I’m picking up a few tips in case he gets too annoying.
The gp is coming round in the morning to assess his needs so we might be getting somewhere.
Thanks and good luck to you all. [Post edited 1 Jun 21:48]
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| Care home on 22:11 - Jun 1 with 3518 views | Ned_Kennedys |
I can’t add anything practical but I wanted to wish you all the best and hope you get things sorted.
The gradual movement as the decades pass of parents caring for their children to the other way round can be stressful and heartbreaking but we want to repay them in any way we can. |  | | |
| Care home on 23:31 - Jun 1 with 3430 views | BlackCrowe |
Good advice so far. A couple of additions from me....
1) if you go down the private route...shop around but choose one nearest to you if they are all fairly similar. i looked at 3 near where she lived and 1 near where i live. Went for the latter and so glad i did as it makes such a difference to able to pop in just for a cup of tea on a whim rather than it being a planned event that takes up half the day. She's sees much more of me and my kids as a result.
2). Funded Nursing Care (FNC)....apply for this asap. Noone tells you about this benefit but it's available to all whatever the assets - about £300 per week which is a fractional on total costs but it really helps. Takes months to get approved but they back date it to when you apply.
Good luck...it's a slog but worth it ultimately. That said, i hope dignitas is more accessible when my time comes!
Ps. I'm at Lords on Saturday and then Oval Friday and Saturday if you fancy a pint or two at lunchtime if you're around. [Post edited 1 Jun 23:34]
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| Care home on 00:24 - Jun 2 with 3387 views | CiderwithRsie |
I don't have any sage advice but all the very best at this difficult time.
One word of warning I will give: my parents both went into care aged 90 (give or take). They lived one/two years respectively. That meant outliving pretty much everyone who was there when they moved in. And by the last few weeks, it was definitely time to go for both of them, they didn't want to hang around any more.
When the body gets to that stage, it doesn't have too much more to give, I'm afraid. So grab every moment that is left to you. | | | |
| Care home on 09:02 - Jun 2 with 3236 views | TheChef |
| Care home on 18:30 - Jun 1 by cuprunnethover |
Freemasons do some very helpful things for members & their relatives. If not can you adapt to living together. If not look for "live in" help if finances allow it or regular help mornings, lunchtime and teatimes. Unfortunately it, usually, costs a lot of money.
Being sectioned is never good, but on the plus side it does mean that the government pay for the entire care bill afterwards.
Dealing with ageing can be a bit overwhelming but please try to smile whenever you can. |
Freemasons eh? |  |
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| Care home on 12:00 - Jun 2 with 3116 views | stowmarketrange |
| Care home on 23:31 - Jun 1 by BlackCrowe |
Good advice so far. A couple of additions from me....
1) if you go down the private route...shop around but choose one nearest to you if they are all fairly similar. i looked at 3 near where she lived and 1 near where i live. Went for the latter and so glad i did as it makes such a difference to able to pop in just for a cup of tea on a whim rather than it being a planned event that takes up half the day. She's sees much more of me and my kids as a result.
2). Funded Nursing Care (FNC)....apply for this asap. Noone tells you about this benefit but it's available to all whatever the assets - about £300 per week which is a fractional on total costs but it really helps. Takes months to get approved but they back date it to when you apply.
Good luck...it's a slog but worth it ultimately. That said, i hope dignitas is more accessible when my time comes!
Ps. I'm at Lords on Saturday and then Oval Friday and Saturday if you fancy a pint or two at lunchtime if you're around. [Post edited 1 Jun 23:34]
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Hello mate.I’m hoping to go to Lords on Saturday too depending on the situation with my FIL,but I’ve got all 5 days at the Oval in a couple of weeks time.I’m in the Erich upper on Saturday but the weather doesn’t look great at the minute.
My wife has already booked the week off for the Oval,so she’ll be looking after him then.
Hopefully see you there mate. | | | |
| Care home on 12:57 - Jun 2 with 3032 views | E17hoop |
We went through this with my MIL and she is now in a specialist dementia care home.
One thing to be careful of; staying over and 'helping' out can be seen as managing and recorded on the ASC care plan that limited help is needed. As a result, we had to fight for years to get any kind of support in the home and, eventually, the care home. The COuncil assumed we were managing - that meant tracking her with a pet disc because she'd wander, liaising with the police, and getting specialist cleaners in because she'd 'hide' food and her waste.
We were able to get day care from the Council but, as her condition changed, it wasn't enough. Again, because we'd been helping - providing meals daily, etc, trying to get better support was really tough. The first council-run home she went into was like a prison - grey walls, barred windows, locked doors and a communal room where she and other, more serious patients at the time would sit and argue. Even the nurses there sat behind a screen like a guard overlooking the prisoners. Thankfully we were able to move her and get funding for a lot of her care - it's still eating into her pensions, and her home will have to be sold to pay for the bulk of the care.
As mentioned, CQC is a great place to go and visit a few homes yourself to understand how severe a patient's condition is that they will accept. We couldn't move my MIL now because her condition has worsened over time, and there will be a point where some homes will not accept your FIL because he's over their arbitrary guideline levels. |  |
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| Care home on 15:13 - Jun 2 with 2921 views | essextaxiboy |
The Masonic charity will also provide grants for home adaptation mobility aids and respite carers . |  | | |
| Care home on 15:51 - Jun 2 with 2885 views | dmm |
You may find Age UK helpful. They have plenty of info on their website: https://www.ageuk.org.uk/ |  | | |
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