As Infantino's Trump-Fest Sponsored by Pepsi disappears into the rear-view mirror, regular columnist Dorse wonders whether QPR have it within them this season to restore faith in our once beautiful game.

The World Cup finally dragged its bloated, wheezing carcass across the finish line after the trophy was handed over to Rodri by the Temu version of Gollum and what looked like 800 pounds of Cheetos wearing a cheap suit.

The entire world came together to feast upon Messi’s tears of pain and frustration, whilst his teammates tried desperately to punch their way out of MetLife Stadium (no pedestrians).

English television viewers experienced new and unsettling feelings when they accidentally found themselves agreeing with Wayne Rooney, following his review of the half-time show.

Expect the next World Cup to include Hydration Break Performances (sponsored by Vagisil), interviews with injured players receiving on-field treatment (‘No, I don’t think my leg will grow back in time for the second half’) and VAR to replaced by a giant fucking eye hovering menacingly above the stadium.

Well sod all that: QPR are back for the new season. Inform the men.

Finally, we can get back to some actual football. ‘Soccer’ can disappear smartly up its own central orifice, along with face paint and pervy camera operators desperately trying to find that one South American woman in the crowd jumping up and down for some reason.

At last, we can get on with the important business of finding out whether Rangers actually having a left back is a good idea. The merits or otherwise of having a keeper who can go more than eight minutes without shitting the bed. Is [insert name of latest youth player] the answer to our defence/midfield/striker question? If we can’t dig down, can we dig up? Will rail seating attract an unhealthy amount of train spotters? Won’t somebody please think of the children? Water pressure! Pukka Pies! Leg room! Aaaaargh!

Look, watching England is fine and all, but seeing them flame out in the semis just doesn’t hurt the same way as QPR getting turned over in added time by Wrexham. It can’t just be me, right?

There is something far more visceral about watching your team week in, week out, than watching a national side every couple of years. I would liken it to a music fan deep-diving into every album a band produces versus someone who says ‘Oh, yeah, I love Iron Maiden’ when they only own a greatest hits compilation. On Spotify.

We actually care about this funny little club in Hoops. When they lose, it ruins our week until the next match gives us a chance to reset. We actually want to know what the players are up to in training or between games. An injury rumour concerning our favourite player gets us refreshing Google every 20 minutes going into game day. No disrespect to Harry Kane but I’m less bothered if he’s unavailable due to comedy vocal chords than if Amadou Mbengue has escaped his handlers again. Hell, if Ronnie Edwards gets a spot I’m phoning Médicins Sans Frontiers.

We’ve had a couple of run outs in Austria and the team looks, well, happy. Younger players like Cory Adjetey-Brew and Isak Alemayehu slotted in seamlessly, whilst incoming signing Boy Kemper made a really solid start to life at QPR. Mbengue created and scored from right back, both Burrell and Kone on the score sheet. Illy and Nico as a midfield two – bold shout but I’m here for it. That positive feeling has been helped in no small way by the way the club comms team has leveraged social media videos, showing players having a bit of fun in their down-time and chatting through various talking points. The video showing players getting promoted to the First Team was a particular highlight. We can, do, and will continue to criticise aspects of QPR’s communication with the fans but fair’s fair: this, they get right. More please.

It would be silly to draw conclusions from a couple of decent friendlies away in Austria and a behind-closed doors match versus Wycombe. There is still a long way to go before the summer transfer window closes: this means the squad we have now will not be the squad with which we start the season. Until then, we will spend every spare moment trying to parse the structure of our starting 11 from hints gleaned from watching friendlies, shithouse rumours from the clickbait Legion of Doom or half-remembered conversations with sun-burned mates in the pub garden. ‘No, seriously, we’re setting up in a 3-4-3, playing catenaccio with Madsen in a false nine and Kieran Morgan as a sweeper. It’s your round, innit?’

The PR noises out of the club are positive. To be fair, they could hardly say ‘We’re doomed! Save yourselves! Leave the children – they’ll only slow you down…’ etc (although I wouldn’t put it past some of our online tribe). With the play-offs expanded to teams finishing as low as eighth, the club’s final results (only 11 points from our last 13 fixtures) are brought into stark focus. We finished 11 points behind Derby in eighth. A slow start and weak finish to the campaign left us frustrated, even after getting to 50 points by March. Fix that, and we might be in with a shout. Furthermore, the stats bods have highlighted the need to address the goalkeeping position: Walsh, in particular, did not help our batting average last season. The club has gone big and gone early with two signings that, on paper, look excellent after freeing up space in the squad. It would be a pretty punchy call to say that this alone will see us still interested going into May but it is certainly a good start.

I tend to write about feelings rather than a granular analysis of player or team performance. The overall ‘vibe’ seems, to me at least, to be far more positive than last season – and streets ahead of how we felt going into Ainsworth’s tenure, for example. It is progress: how successful it will be can only be judged once we see this team in a live-fire situation.

I am reminded of that Donald Rumsfeld quote: ‘...as we know, there are known knowns; there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns—the ones we don't know we don't know...’ That is how I tend to see the run up to a new season. However, this year, I feel there are more ‘known knowns’. We know what Burrell and Kone bring. We know Madsen is the player we hoped he’d be. We know that Harvey Vale is more than an occasional left back. The known unknowns tend to centre on who plays in the middle. As for the unknown unknowns? Who knows...

Game on. Now, let’s see that camera operator get his jollies focusing on Mavis from Preston jumping up and down wearing the equivalent of a 40-tog duvet in February.

More by this author >>> Upon Reflection >>> The death of Pep-ball – are QPR finally on trend? >>> The Final Countdown

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Pictures - Ian Randall Photography

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