QPR went strong, and attacking, to try and cure their League Cup woes against Millwall at Loftus Road on Saturday, but if you can’t put the ball in the net from 12 yards…

QPR and Millwall have cup history. QPR and Millwall have penalty history.

Thirty years ago a tie between these two turned Shepherd’s Bush into a demilitarised zone. The Bermondsey boys had laid waste to Arsenal and Chelsea – on and off the pitch – in prior FA Cup rounds and hearts sank a New Scotland Yard as the balls came out of the bag. Doors locked and curtains drawn down at the old Goldhawk - regulars could gently tap on the back door and gain entry if Tony the Barman knew a face among the group.

Tensions ran high, and Kasey Keller turned up on a flying broomstick. Even Les Ferdinand proffered few solutions. Manager Ray Wilkins said the prospect of a replay at The Den didn’t faze him because his team was playing so well – easy to say from the bus behind the police cordon, Raymundo. Time ticked down to its final few grains and Damien Webber, inexplicably, thrust a hand in the air to deflect a late Andy Impey cross away from Alan McDonald. A penalty appeal you could have heard from space, and a kick to win the game. The last kick.

You need someone you can rely on in a situation like that. You need Clive Wilson. And, boy, could QPR have done with him on Saturday afternoon.

There was much to like about the present-day Christians for much of this latest battle with the Lions. Certainly, a good deal more to take home than their usually is from a cup tie involving Queens Park Rangers – that 1994/95 run to a quarter final defeat at Man Utd remains the club’s best performance in either knockout competition since. A year ago, 2-0 up at League One Plymouth, Rangers contrived a defeat then tried to make out like it had been a great night because a collection of children got to play football for a bit. For locals tired of losing, tired of the acceptance of losing, there was at least a strongest possible team selection this time from Monsieur Julien. All your favourite players are here – Ariaga, Ariaga II, Bariaga, Aruglia and Rumarn Burrell.

It was also a very attacking, very possession-focused team. A statement of intent, of sorts. When Nicolas Madsen is the nearest thing you have to a defensive central midfielder it’s clear this is a team that wants the ball and wants to attack. Amadou Mbengue quickly took Zac Sturge out at the hip to the Millwall full back’s (and manager’s) audible annoyance – QPR’s madcap right back was certainly going for the ball, just not clear whether it was the right or the left one. Ball one to Johnny Damon and we are underway.

Soon Mbengue was letting rip with a disappointingly sane 20 yarder from a poorly taken and cleared corner. On the other side debutant Boy Kemper shouldered a boy into the Lower Loft and gave it the big’un to his new fans. The Dutchman is going to be very popular, very quickly in that corner of the ground.

Millwall, as we know, very much the Sydney Sweeney of the Championship – two big ones up top – but for the most part Rangers coped with that very well. Josh Coburn rarely gets much change out of Jimmy Dunne, but even when he pulled onto Ronnie Edwards, who has struggled in these more physical battles previously, the former Peterborough man largely had his number too. Not just cheekbones and play out from the back, as it turns out.

Behind them, QPR now have a goalkeeper who can distribute. Pierce Charles was having a lovely afternoon in the sun knocking the ball hither and thither with both feet. One left footed switch out to the wing on 23 minutes was sex on a plate. Sadly, sticking to that theme, Rangers often lacked penetration to go with the foreplay. Nice up to a point, then Jake Cooper and Caleb Taylor got involved and that was the end of that.

There was a 20+ pass move on the stroke of half time that would have had the QPR web admin’s finger twitching had it resulted in a goal but the shot was blocked. There was more threat at the start of the second half as Kone bundled through and Mbengue drew a save from Lukas Jensen at his near post. Edwards’ glancing header from a corner seemed certain to open the scoring before being blocked on the line. Edwards later almost sprang Rumarn Burrell with the sort of glorious through ball you may remember from such films as Leicester away in March. Paul Smyth almost found himself through on goal too but Jensen smothered at his feet. Almost, almost, almost.

If Rangers are to play this way it is going to take time for them to get up to speed – literally, the ball just needs moving half a second quicker by one or two of them. This a team that infamously hasn’t won a game with more possession than its opponent since February 2025 – all 20 victories achieved since have been done with less of the ball and here the R’s held 56% of it.

Ilias Chair frustrated for the reasons he often frustrates. Rumarn Burrell, a penalty box striker, now out of position and depth on the wing – and seemingly mistrustful of his hamstring after missing the back half of last season. One chance to push it beyond an isolated full back and give him the full Conor Coady treatment on high heat was noticeably passed up as he sought to protect the muscle. Richard Kone's hold up game was listed missing, but these are the best two centre backs in the league give or take. Is Harvey Vale a deep-lying central midfielder? I have my doubts. It was 4-1-4-1 with the ball, 4-2-3-1 without, but rarely in either set up did it draw a genuine save from a goalkeeper who hasn’t played for a year and a half.

If you watched any of Millwall’s promotion push last year, particularly the games at Middlesbrough and Ipswich, you’ll know they’re quite happy to let teams pisball about in front of them for long periods of time and then clinically take their chance when it comes. Theirs was the best away record in the division in 25/26 and if I wanted to be really unkind I’d say this at times looked like a team built for the Championship playing a team built on a computer. Sure enough, ten after half time, Neghli’s routine cross was dropped under the crossbar by Charles and Cundle followed in for the easiest goal he’ll score in his life. Your goalkeeper can pass, fantastic. Can he catch?

Remember this is basically the strongest starting line up QPR have available to them, while Millwall are missing their best striker, midfielder and defender – a situation so problematic they’ve grabbed at Lyndon Dykes this week.

Still, not a team you want to go a goal down to mind. Particularly with Madsen and Burrell only able to do an hour, and the only cover available for Richard Kone coming in the form of Alfie Lloyd as the respective farces around Rayan Kolli and Justin Obikwu rumble on. You could never fault Lloyd’s willingness and effort, at one point he seemed set to burst through on goal through guts alone only for Sykes to spoil everyone’s fun, but his intentions can frequently be read like a book. Not a very good book either, Andy McNab, Bravo Two Zero, etc. With Taylor in fine form and Cooper so ridiculously fucking enormous if he stands still for too long he risks somebody colonizing him and holding elections, the final half hour felt like a tough ask in the blazing sun.

Rangers went about the task gamely. There were men in the penalty box, and goal mouth scrambles. They didn’t die wondering. Paul Smyth driving and driving and diving and diving, Koki Saito flicking and tricking, Ilias Chair so many needless extra touches. Boy Kemper in nice space but with the ball stubbornly remaining stuck to his non-existent right side. Jonathan Varane’s cameo was impressive, slaloming out of one double team situation brilliantly, and looking to play forwards more than he has in the past. In the end though it needed a regular source of goals to get the hosts level.

Own goal contributed five for Rangers in 24/25, equalling the club record, and went one better last year with six. Jimmy Dunne nodded a rare well taken corner from Chair down four from time to set him up for the first of the new campaign. As Rangers continue to “fine tune their player trading model”, look out for a big offer for OG in the near future. Probably from Stoke.

There probably should have been more to come. I can’t make my mind up whether occasional Premier League referee Matt Donohue is a good referee in poor form or vice versa, but the late trip on Koki Saito in the area looked like a penalty to me. Perhaps the only thing that let the Japanese winger down is he went down under the second bout of contact rather than the first, but one of modern football’s many irritants is the amount of soft shite that’s given as a free kick everywhere on the pitch by referees who then suddenly insist you basically have to be shot in the leg if you want a penalty kick.

Julien’s usually very good in these post-match situations. Doesn’t get too high with the highs or low with the lows at a club where each quiet day only draws it closer to its next crisis. As he says, goalkeeper makes one more catch, their goalkeeper makes one fewer save, QPR win and we have a different conversation from the same performance. Reports like this deal in narrative and vibes, head coaches deal with data and figures. QPR played the team that finished third last year, the team with the best defence last year, the team with the best away record last year, and got a 1-1 draw in normal time that could have been a win and would count as a decent result if it’s repeated in the Championship on November 21/February 6. Get a penalty two minutes from time when one likely should have been awarded and a summer of optimism starts soaring to new heights.

Perhaps, though, it’s just as well it wasn’t given. A draw took us straight to a shoot out conducted in front of a capacity travelling crowd in the Upper School End and what followed is not something I can ever recall happening before. Ilias Chair, Harvey Vale, Koki Saito and Kwame Poku put their hands up for spot kicks and saw each one saved in turn. Some afternoon out for Danish keeper Lukas Jensen, who has missed the last 15 months with injury and could be a big fillip for Wawll if he remains upright and playing like this, but a poorer collection of kicks you could scarcely wish to see. Charles did his best to bail his hapless teammates out, saving two of his own from Arconte and Neghli, but each Rangers kick was worse than the last. Chair I pointed to where he was going from the front of F Block after a long lunch in the Crown & Sceptre. Vale did at least go for a corner but did so at such a nice height most professional goalkeepers would have saved that when going the right way. Saito and Poku you’d have saved yourself.

A shambles, really. If you’re going to piss around like this then why not let Kemper have one? Julian Dicks the fucker. Worst case scenario someone in the upper tier ends up with blue parking badge. Put some minge round it for goodness’ sake. One to watch for on LinkedIn next week – head of penalty performance, reporting to head of methodology, £220k P/A.

Of those that had bothered, many didn’t even stay to see the final kicks play out. As much as things change, they stay the same.

Links >>> Photo Gallery >>> Ratings and Reports >>> Message Board Match Thread

QPR: Charles 6; Mbengue 5 (Adamson 79, 5), Dunne 7, Edwards 7, Kemper 7; Vale 6, Madsen 6 (Varane 62, 7); Burrell 5 (Poku 62, 6), Chair 5, Smyth 6 (Saito 80, -); Kone 5 (Lloyd 70, 6)

Subs not used: Clarke-Salter, Morgan, Sanyaolu, Ward

Goals: Sykes og 86 (assisted Dunne)

Millwall: Jensen 8; Leonard 6 (Sykes 77, 5), Taylor 7, Cooper 7, Sturge 6; De Norre 6, Metcalfe 6 (Kelly 84, -); Azeez 6 (Bangura-Williams 84, -), Cundle 6 (Lisbie 76, 6), Neghli 6; Coburn 5 (Arconte 76, 5)

Subs not used: Baggott, Batth, Crocombe, Lovelace

Goals: Cundle 53 (assisted Neghli)

QPR Star Man – Boy Kemper 7 Clearly lacks a yard (and a half) of pace, and his right foot is for standing on, but a tough debut here against Femi Azeez and Millwall’s star boy was pretty quiet. Loves the physical stuff and will quickly become a cult hero in front of that PQR block corner. One of the ones who seemed as annoyed as me that we lost.

Referee – Matt Donohue (Manchester) 6 It’s a penalty, on Saito, at the end, for me. We’d have missed it, but it should have been given. I think my frustrations here can be summed up by his relationship with Paul Smyth – look at the free kicks he did award to Smyth, look at the ones he didn’t, and you tell me the difference. 3.6 roentgen, not great, not terrible.

Attendance 9,759 (1,748 Millwall) It’s a fine line between accepting your fate and losing your spirit

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Pictures - Ian Randall Photography

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