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Fans of crisis club bury were left reeling today following an investigation from the Football League, who were concerned that the stricken club had simply given up on ever holding their AGM. Deadline after deadline has elapsed, with spurious excuses offered as to why “at this particular time for legal reasons” the meeting cannot take place.
It has come as a blow to supporters of the basement outfit, who were keen to inspect the new carpet, furniture, and posters of footballing greats that their new Chairman had put up.
Fans were also left scratching their heads about who actually owns the club and the shares. Little information was available about whether Stuart Day, their new Chairman, had actually had his cheque book on him when he walked in off the street during the Summer of 2013. Furthermore, a large chunk of the shares in the club are held by Forever bury, the Trust outfit who are run in a portakabin on the Gigg Lane car park.
Oh the irony.
EGP decided to send out several investigators even though leads were in short supply.
A chance meeting in a local pub led to one fan insisting he had written to the club asking pertinent questions. He said, “it were that good a letter what we wrote, the bury Times published it. But we’ve heard nowt back since. All we want to know is who owns the club and where is the money coming from.”
EGP’s legal arm received a tip off that answers maybe forthcoming from a Solicitors outfit in Manchester operating under the name of Ratio Law (We know that sounds like some Tekken character on the PS4 game, but we thought we’d follow the tip anyway). We hopped on the Metrolink to quiz partner, and bury Director, Gisella Alberici. We even took along the bloke who used to help out the Southampton Manager on Match of the Day last season, just in case.
After negotiating a very prickly receptionist we were finally admitted into a meeting room and were faced with a mastermind chair facing away from us. As we sat down the chair rotated to face us and we have to admit we were surprised to see Ms. Alberici stroking a lovely pussy.
A prickly pussy?
She hissed at us, “I was expecting you EGP...why are you poking your noses into things that are not your business? Are you obsessed?” We explained that we were operating on behalf of the loyal bury fans who were impotent in their quest for answers.
We asked why the AGM was being continuously postponed and delayed to the point that most fans had decided they weren’t going to bother with one at all. To be fair, she gave a detailed answer. “We cannot have the AGM until we’ve sold off all the car parking spaces. When we’ve flogged all them, we still won’t be able to have one as there will be nowhere for the fans to park. I bet that fan in the pub didn’t tell you we had a Fan’s Forum in the summer. We held it in Tenerife so they could get a nice tan at the same time.’
“Before we publish any figures, we do need to attract further investment however. Number 1 (who we assumed meant Stuart Day and not someone called Bradley either) has got another investment opportunity he’s quite literally about to roll out. For £4,995 fans can own a single sheet of toilet paper which they can lease out time and time again. With all the shit that bury fans come out with, they’ll make at least an 8% return and in five year’s time, when their little square of paper can’t take anymore shit, we’ll buy it back off them for £5,495. Our game is extortion. Number 1 will be able to give you more details.”
Like printing money...
With that in mind, EGP hot-footed it through Newhey, over the hills and into Huddersfield to Doris’ house in Scammonden. Unfortunately Stuart was out. His Mum said, “he’ll be back in a bit. He’s got into a bit of trouble at school, he’s doing detention. Apparently he’s been lending money off his school mates and not giving it them back.”
We waited patiently, and sure enough, the plumpster popped up wearing his school uniform and sporting a black eye.
We ignored his injuries and cut straight to the point. “Is there to be an AGM in bury?”
In a soft Bishop Auckland accent he replied, “No. There’s a B, a U, a R and a Y. There’s definitely no A, G or M.”
We tried again “No Stewie, An AGM, this ain’t a spelling test...”
“Another Ground Mortgage?.... Master Day replied.
Realising, that we had to deal with the lowest common denominator here, we tried again. “Is there going to be an Annual General Meeting at Bury Football Club this year?”
Breaking into a smile Mr Day exclaimed, “Wahay man. You’ve come all this way to ask me that?”
We explained that we’d only come 15 miles and we would have written, but thought we wouldn’t get an answer.
With the question remaining unanswered, there was an awkward silence of 2 minutes where everyone just stared at each other.
The silence was broken when the young entrepreneur exclaimed, “Did you see our second goal at Carlisle? What a corker. One of the Carlisle Directors told me we were the best team to have visited Brunton Park. Ever.”
We tried to pin the excitable Chairman down. (Not physically obviously, he’s a big lad you know). “Where is the money coming from for this Revolution?”
“Oh. That’s easy. We’re attracting significant investment from our car park. I had a meeting with Nick Leeson yesterday, now he’s out of prison, and he’s coming on board to attract fund Managers to invest people’s pensions in the car park. We plan on selling off the toilet paper too, and then we’ll look at the sauce bottles and the pint pots...everything...for instance we are really excited about our SOS scheme which we expect to introduce next January... The Share Our Sugar plan, we expect to be a real generator of cash. Plus there are other significant sponsorship deals we have attracted, like naming the ground the JD Stadium, it’s not the sports company that has taken up the deal you know, it’s a loan company call Just Debt. And there’s all these concerts we’re going to host. Plus, I’ve been told there’s some boxer fellow, Jez Quigley I think, who’s pretty good, so he’ll need a big famous old venue to stage his fights.
A Jim McDonald rematch at Gigg? A Rumble in the Giggle?
When he sees our new furniture and our joined up corners, he’ll be hiring the place out every time he has a scrap. I’m sure he’ll choose The Just Debt stadium over piddly little places like the MEN arena and the City of Manchester stadium..... We’ll even let him use the scoreboard, and our car parking spaces... obviously.”
Apparently, not enough car parking spaces.
And so, a dejected EGP team reconvened to EGP Towers to dissect the information we had gathered. Despite sending our best reporters, they had been unable to actually get to the bottom of what the hell is going on at the stricken club. At every corner, smoke and mirrors were used plus bigger deflections than the one which cost their League One neighbours a deserved point at Bramall Lane.
If the AGM ever does happen, our undercover team will be on hand to record it with one of those cameras stuffed in a JD bag (yes, the sports company) like what Donal MacIntyre used to use.
DON’T HAVE NIGHTMARES. WE WILL BE BACK.
[Post edited 15 Sep 2014 15:47]
They write themselves!
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Despite our best efforts.... on 15:55 - Sep 15 with 4366 views
Just to recap on our bucket shaking friends, in August they took out a loan of £1m from Goldman & Sons Ltd at an interest rate of 7.5% pm (PER MONTH). The first £450k of that was to repay a previous loan they took out with Cash4assets Ltd and £550k is to fund the continuing revolution. The loan is secured on the football ground and its repayable 1 month from draw down (i.e. any day now).
Despite our best efforts.... on 17:23 - Sep 15 by 100notout
Just to recap on our bucket shaking friends, in August they took out a loan of £1m from Goldman & Sons Ltd at an interest rate of 7.5% pm (PER MONTH). The first £450k of that was to repay a previous loan they took out with Cash4assets Ltd and £550k is to fund the continuing revolution. The loan is secured on the football ground and its repayable 1 month from draw down (i.e. any day now).
And the chances of it being paid back are.................?
“It is easier to fool people, than to convince them that they have been fooledâ€
0
Despite our best efforts.... on 18:00 - Sep 15 with 4032 views
"What is this board fascination with the AGM. If it turns out we are losing money hand over fist there is nothing we can do. If a question is asked and they so no comment again there is nothing we can do.
If we make a profit people on here would want money spent on better players.
Its not in our hands. The only way money can be raised is by ourselves and by financial backers. Yes we have been made bankrupt or close to it 3 times in 25 years. There was nothing anybody on here could have done to stop it. Yes I have concerns but I am just a paying punter and have no say in the running of the club."
Despite our best efforts.... on 18:00 - Sep 15 by 442Dale
This post sums up what's wrong down the A58:
"What is this board fascination with the AGM. If it turns out we are losing money hand over fist there is nothing we can do. If a question is asked and they so no comment again there is nothing we can do.
If we make a profit people on here would want money spent on better players.
Its not in our hands. The only way money can be raised is by ourselves and by financial backers. Yes we have been made bankrupt or close to it 3 times in 25 years. There was nothing anybody on here could have done to stop it. Yes I have concerns but I am just a paying punter and have no say in the running of the club."
Whitey's excellent effort at the weekend stated that Rose was £100,000 plus add ons. Lot of car park spaces needed for that.
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Despite our best efforts.... on 18:19 - Sep 15 with 3983 views
Despite our best efforts.... on 18:00 - Sep 15 by 442Dale
This post sums up what's wrong down the A58:
"What is this board fascination with the AGM. If it turns out we are losing money hand over fist there is nothing we can do. If a question is asked and they so no comment again there is nothing we can do.
If we make a profit people on here would want money spent on better players.
Its not in our hands. The only way money can be raised is by ourselves and by financial backers. Yes we have been made bankrupt or close to it 3 times in 25 years. There was nothing anybody on here could have done to stop it. Yes I have concerns but I am just a paying punter and have no say in the running of the club."
It will all be ok don't forget Mr Day got these big Sponsorship deals to announce yet which he stated on the Tenerife Trip.
Despite our best efforts.... on 18:45 - Sep 15 by BartRowou
Isn't Scott Quigg's unification fight at Gigg Lane? That should bring in the pennies.
Id doubt it, Frampton wont want to fight in a no mark town, if its not Belfast or similar put your money on the MEN or phones 4 you arena as its now called i believe
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Despite our best efforts.... on 18:56 - Sep 15 with 3856 views
Despite our best efforts.... on 18:55 - Sep 15 by nordenblue
Id doubt it, Frampton wont want to fight in a no mark town, if its not Belfast or similar put your money on the MEN or phones 4 you arena as its now called i believe
not sure it will still be called that after today
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Despite our best efforts.... on 18:56 - Sep 15 with 3854 views
Despite our best efforts.... on 18:55 - Sep 15 by nordenblue
Id doubt it, Frampton wont want to fight in a no mark town, if its not Belfast or similar put your money on the MEN or phones 4 you arena as its now called i believe
Now known as the No Phones 4 U arena
“It is easier to fool people, than to convince them that they have been fooledâ€
0
Despite our best efforts.... on 19:04 - Sep 15 with 3821 views
Despite our best efforts.... on 17:23 - Sep 15 by 100notout
Just to recap on our bucket shaking friends, in August they took out a loan of £1m from Goldman & Sons Ltd at an interest rate of 7.5% pm (PER MONTH). The first £450k of that was to repay a previous loan they took out with Cash4assets Ltd and £550k is to fund the continuing revolution. The loan is secured on the football ground and its repayable 1 month from draw down (i.e. any day now).
I wouldn't be so sure about that 100. The security, three debentures, for the two Cash4Assets loans and a loan taken out when the revolutionaries first took over in 2013 have not been registered as satisfied.
Despite our best efforts.... on 18:55 - Sep 15 by nordenblue
Id doubt it, Frampton wont want to fight in a no mark town, if its not Belfast or similar put your money on the MEN or phones 4 you arena as its now called i believe
Despite our best efforts.... on 19:26 - Sep 15 by BigDaveMyCock
I wouldn't be so sure about that 100. The security, three debentures, for the two Cash4Assets loans and a loan taken out when the revolutionaries first took over in 2013 have not been registered as satisfied.
Which means what, exactly ?
“It is easier to fool people, than to convince them that they have been fooledâ€
0
Despite our best efforts.... on 19:47 - Sep 15 with 3687 views
Despite our best efforts.... on 19:30 - Sep 15 by SuddenLad
Which means what, exactly ?
When you take out such a loan you provide security for that loan which is usually secured on the Company's property, assets and/or income (debts to the Company). Bury currently has a Debenture/mortgage (essentially the same thing) registered at Companies House for each of these loans. In the event of administration the Lenders will be able to enforce their security/the Debentures and obtain the property and assets etc. If you have a mortgage you will have done something similar. The mortgage company will take a charge on your property so that if you default they can take the property. This, of course, will be registered at the Land Registry as opposed to Companies House.
Anyway, when a debt is settled/loan repaid the accompanying charge/Debenture are usually registered as satisfied, that is, the security no longer exists as the debt has been repaid. Thus, if the latest loan has been used to clear the other loans then you would expect the security for these loans to be registered as satisfied/no longer in existence.
Despite our best efforts.... on 19:47 - Sep 15 by BigDaveMyCock
When you take out such a loan you provide security for that loan which is usually secured on the Company's property, assets and/or income (debts to the Company). Bury currently has a Debenture/mortgage (essentially the same thing) registered at Companies House for each of these loans. In the event of administration the Lenders will be able to enforce their security/the Debentures and obtain the property and assets etc. If you have a mortgage you will have done something similar. The mortgage company will take a charge on your property so that if you default they can take the property. This, of course, will be registered at the Land Registry as opposed to Companies House.
Anyway, when a debt is settled/loan repaid the accompanying charge/Debenture are usually registered as satisfied, that is, the security no longer exists as the debt has been repaid. Thus, if the latest loan has been used to clear the other loans then you would expect the security for these loans to be registered as satisfied/no longer in existence.
Despite our best efforts.... on 19:47 - Sep 15 by BigDaveMyCock
When you take out such a loan you provide security for that loan which is usually secured on the Company's property, assets and/or income (debts to the Company). Bury currently has a Debenture/mortgage (essentially the same thing) registered at Companies House for each of these loans. In the event of administration the Lenders will be able to enforce their security/the Debentures and obtain the property and assets etc. If you have a mortgage you will have done something similar. The mortgage company will take a charge on your property so that if you default they can take the property. This, of course, will be registered at the Land Registry as opposed to Companies House.
Anyway, when a debt is settled/loan repaid the accompanying charge/Debenture are usually registered as satisfied, that is, the security no longer exists as the debt has been repaid. Thus, if the latest loan has been used to clear the other loans then you would expect the security for these loans to be registered as satisfied/no longer in existence.
Thanks for the explanation. So the ball of sh1t gets larger as it rolls along ! Oh dear, oh dear. 😉
“It is easier to fool people, than to convince them that they have been fooledâ€
0
Despite our best efforts.... on 20:13 - Sep 15 with 3598 views
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