Here we have collated ten reasons why it is cast iron in stone why Toby Alderweireld is heading to White Hart lane in the summer.
The London based football media is never wrong and contary to popular belief it never ever bases its headlines on anything other than proven fact, at great expense to ourselves we at the Ugly have gone undercover and discovered those facts that Saints fans do not want to read and prove beyond doubt that Alderweireld dreams of nothing else than a move to North London.
1. Alderweireld has repeatably used the phrase White Hart Lane lately, although he has not used the three words in the same sentence or even interview or even season, it has been proved beyond doubt that he has uttered those words. The interviews in question are
A. When asked in Spain in January 2014 what colours Athletico Madrid's stripes were apart from red he clearly stated "White"
B. Prior to Saints fixture against Manchester City in November 2014 he made clear reference to City Keeper Joe "Hart"
C. On describing his goal against Palace on Boxing Day he explained how he had "Lain" in wait for the cross, those watching London media hacks were willing to swear affidavits that this was a mispronunciation and he had actually said the word "Lane"
CONCRETE FACT
2. Alderweireld has been known to dye his hair blonde as a tribute to Spurs home colours of white.
CONCRETE FACT
3. Alderweireld has described Southampton as boring whilst expressing the virtues of Tottenham High Road
CONCRETE FACT
4. Alderweireld was born in Antwerp which is similar sounding to what Saints fans call Tottenham's current manager when they are feeling benevolent.
CONCRETE FACT
5. Alderwereld would like to play with some of his countrymen at Club level and still feels aggrieved that Saints signed him under false pretences insinuating him that their right back Bertrand was in fact Plastic Bertrand the only Belgium pop star to have a hit in the UK with his 1978 smash Ca Plane Pour Moi.
CONCRETE FACT
6. Saints failed to present him with a big cake and a car on his birthday earlier this month whilst Mauricio Pochettino arranged for 90% of the London media to say how great he was in a number of publications.
CONCRETE FACT
7. His favourite song is Like A Hurricane by Neil Young which sounds a bit like Like A Harry Kane whilst sung in Walloon.
CONCRETE FACT
8. Alderweireld's lucky number is 52 exactly the number of years since Spurs last finsihed in the top two in the top flight
CONCRETE FACT
9. London has a station called Waterloo and so does Belgium which also has a battlefield of the same name.
CONCRETE FACT
10. The Mannekin PIS is a statue in Brussels that has stood for nearly 400 years although some would say it was the inspiration for Mauricio Pochettino's behaviour towards Saints last summer.
CONCRETE FACT