Social Media these days is choc a bloc full of Saints supporters with a gripe about the club, so much so it is hard to remember just what we are protesting about and when, for Southampton FC it is a difficult task to keep up with what the fans are up in arms about, so they have introduced a form to fill in and send to St Mary's.
The word meltdown first came into the Southampton FC vocabulary in the summer of 2014 when a crack team of wild horses arrived from the North West and dragged some of our star players to Merseyside and Manchester totally against their will.
None of these players had actually wanted to leave the club, eye witnesses reported Adam Lallana chaining himself to a lamp post in Brittannia Road and Dejan Lovren superglueing his arse to the St Mary's forecourt and having to be surgically removed with an industrial grinding tool, such was their desire to stay at the club.
A year later and although we had finished a place higher the Meltdown season started again with gusto and it soon became a regular event
There was even a meltdown about when the official meltdown season started, for some it was the final whistle in the final game of the season, others felt that it should be more regimented, some wanted June 1st to be the start of the window, whilst others felt that the fixtures for the following season being announced in June would be a good start date.
But sanity prevailed and a council hosted by the club of the most prominent meltdowners in the fan base agreed that the start date should be July 2nd, a full 24 hours after the date when bonus' were paid and the transfer window could open with no impediment.
It was agreed that if Saints hadn't signed 7 new players within that 24 hour period then we were truly screwed for the following season and so we might as well all get on and blame someone.
What could not be agreed though was whether the meltdown should be like the transfer system, whether it should have windows or whether it should just run from July 2nd to the final whistle of the season.
So several factions appeared in the fanbase, all of whom could not agree on much aside from the fact that if Saints won two games in a row, then meltdown should cease so that social media could go mad with talk of the Champions League.
This is all very confusing for Southampton FC and indeed much of it's fanbase and the St Mary's hierarchy has increasingly found it difficult to keep up with what happening in Meltdown World.
So now they have introduced a handy form that can be downloaded and printed off and e mailed to the club, thus SFC can accurately track what is hot and what is not in meltdown at any given time and it can also let fans themselves gauge just where they are in the scale.
Its simple to fill out and each month one lucky Saints fan will win (Depending on the teams form at the time) either a signed Saints shirt, or a Gao Out Banner, some string and two stewards to help them hang it on the railings outside the stadium at a game of their choice
Second prize is 25 half & half Gao In/Gao Out scarves, a new product out now in the club megastore a bargain at only £10 and something that can be worn all season whatever the team's form and also handy for when we let go a two goal half time lead and go from Champions league contenders to relegation candidates in the space of 15 second half minutes.
For the benefit of Saints supporters we have printed a copy of the report below
So were you enraged when Ralph Hasenhuttl put out a team in each half on Saturday and could only draw against a Championship side, a clear indication that we will be relegated all season, or was your p*** boiled when we got into the middle of July without 5 new signings, or maybe it was the clubs decision to put some padding on some seats and attempt to convince some supporters to pay £25 for burger and chips that has sent your blood pressure soaring ?
Whichever there is now a form to record it all on and send it to the club.
As they evolve the system Saints are hoping to introduce forms for individual players, this will provide a more personalised meltdown experience and will have more room to list the crimes against the club committed by the said player as well as serious allegations that seals his fate such as seeing him doing 32mph in a 30 mile zone within 5 miles of a school.
NB None of this story is true and so please do not go into Meltdown and rant about the club would be better spending money on transfers than on printing silly report forms, also much thanks to whoever thought up the idea of a meltdown form (It wasn't me) for the inspiration.
Football should be about enjoyment and having a laugh sometimes, that is why The Ugly Inside started in 1988