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Saints Set To Ban Van Dijk Song !
Saturday, 23rd Sep 2017 09:00

Whilst the national media has focused on the banning of a song that Manchester United fans are singing to Romalu Lukaku, it seems that Saints are set to ban a song about Virgil Van Dijk after rumours of its content.

All the news this week has been about a song about Lukaku being sung by Manchester United fans and its content being alleged as being racially stereotypical. The song to the words of Mancunian pop band The Stone Roses ditty Made Of Stone makes mention of the size of the contents of Lukaku's shorts.

However it has emerged this morning that Southampton Football Club is considering banning a song that might be sung this afternoon about Virgil Van Dijk as it makes mention of the size of his bank account and following the departure of Ronald Koeman to Merseyside it could stereotype the Dutch as Beatle loving money mad ego maniacs.

But Saints have surpassed themselves this morning in their standards of unearthing talent before anyone else has noticed and although the club became aware of the song and its lyrics as early as 8am this morning, by 8.32 am it had not yet even been written and no mention of it was made on the BBC Sports news at that time.

Ironically it is believed that the Van Dijk song is also to the tune of The Stone Roses, Made of Stone although the lyrics are very different.

We at the Ugly Inside were informed of the content of the song at 8.34 am and were shocked and stunned at the content and like the club urge supporters not to get involved in this sort of thing.

We are told the lyrics are as follows

Sometimes I fantasise
I dab my eyes with a tissue
Stare moodily out of the plane window.

That the size of my bank account
Would be bigger under Jurgen Klopp
Though zero chance of finishing top

When the Saints are playing home
I'm made to train alone

Potent words which have no place in a 21st century Premier League ground where greed is good.

A spokesman for the Bank of England refused to comment on speculation that if Van Dijk had gone to Liverpool then ATM's on Mersyside would have crashed saying.

"We don't comment on speculation "

However frantic phone calls to Holland did find several of Van Dijk's countrymen willing to give an opinion.

The singer out of Dutch Legends Golden Earring said.

" I have been driving all night my hands wet on the wheel, this is stereotyping Dutchmen for sure"

Ronald Koeman a Dutchman formerly of this parish said.

"His agent is a good honest upright guy for sure"

King William Of Orange had he still been alive would surely have stopped being up to his knees in fenian blood for a minute and commented.

" My advice to him would be to stay at Saints and if next seasons kit is retro, then he can wear the sash my father wore for sure"

So are these lyrics really offensive to the Dutch, the banking system or members of Golden Earring or are they just the ramblings of sections of our support who at their age should know better.

Certainly the police are taking it seriously and have set up a CID team to investigate whether these lyrics could be considered as anti Dutch, although they did rule The Ugly Inside out of its enquiries saying.

We have completely ruled The Ugly Inside out of our enquiries, the song lyrics contain no typing errors and all the punctuation is in the right place, so it couldn't possibly be them"

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Photo: Action Images

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aceofthebase added 09:16 - Sep 23
I prefer " You don't always get what you waaaannnt! repeat for 90 minutes

LoisDeem added 17:15 - Sep 25
Anything's better than Hermans Hermits on repeat -not 'something good'!

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