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Shìt Joke thread..... 21:41 - Nov 20 with 60509 viewsSwanjaxs

My blond 19 year old next door neighbour has just asked me if I know about missing items from her washing line? ...

I nearly shìt her knickers 😮


You might think I've forgotten, but one day, when you least expect it, my time will come.
Poll: Celtic and Rangers should be fast tracked into the Championship ASAP

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 13:06 - May 16 with 2036 viewsSwanjaxs

Shìt Joke thread..... on 13:02 - May 16 by BrynCartwright

I just read a book about the history of glue..

Couldn't put it down.


"Buy your own fùcking glue" 😛

You might think I've forgotten, but one day, when you least expect it, my time will come.
Poll: Celtic and Rangers should be fast tracked into the Championship ASAP

2

Shìt Joke thread..... on 10:54 - May 18 with 1874 viewstheloneranger

My uncle was a sh1te ventriloquist ...

He used to stick his finger in my arse, and ask me not to say anything!!

Everyday above ground ... Is a good day! 😎

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 12:17 - May 18 with 1843 viewsJoe_bradshaw

Dublin radio were asking callers to tell them about their experiences with working from home.

Pat calls and the DJ asks how working from home went for him.

"Terrible" says Pat. "The missus is absolutely fuming with me and I can't understand why"

"What happened, Pat?"

"She went out early to do her hospital shift and I thought I'd work from home. I made brilliant progress and by the time she came home I'd tarmacked the hall, the lounge and the kitchen".

Planet Swans Prediction League Winner Season 2013-14. Runner up 2014_15.
Poll: How many points clear of relegation will we be on Saturday night?

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 12:46 - May 18 with 1822 viewstheloneranger

At a couple's conference, the speaker mentioned that couples are so disconnected these days, that 85% of all husbands don't know their wives favourite flower.

Paddy turned to his wife and whispered ... "It's self raising, Isn't it??"

Everyday above ground ... Is a good day! 😎

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 12:52 - May 18 with 1816 viewsHighjack

Robin said to Batman “the Batmobile isn’t starting.” Batman said “Have you checked the battery?”

“What’s a Terry?” Replied Robin.

The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.
Poll: The official planetswans European election poll. Your vote goes to?

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 15:01 - May 18 with 1773 viewsCooperman

Paddy & Murphy are sat in the airport ready to go on holiday.

Paddy says to Murphy “fuk I wish I’d brought the telly, Murph”

“Why, are you bored, Pad?”

“No Murph, I left the passports on top of it”.

Poll: Your confectionery tub of choice

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 15:09 - May 18 with 1768 viewsHighjack

Why did Humpty Dumpty push his girlfriend off the wall?

So he could see her crack.

The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.
Poll: The official planetswans European election poll. Your vote goes to?

1

Shìt Joke thread..... on 15:36 - May 18 with 1747 viewstheloneranger

BREAKING NEWS ...

A man who took Ryanair to court after losing his luggage, has lost his case!!

Everyday above ground ... Is a good day! 😎

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 15:57 - May 18 with 1732 viewsthornabyswan

Shìt Joke thread..... on 15:36 - May 18 by theloneranger

BREAKING NEWS ...

A man who took Ryanair to court after losing his luggage, has lost his case!!


I went to a seafood disco and pulled a muscle.

Poll: Will the PL and Championship be completed

2

Shìt Joke thread..... on 16:16 - May 18 with 1725 viewsHighjack

I got into a fight with a massive guy the other day. He said “I’m going to mop the floor with your face.” I said “You’ll be sorry.” He said “Why’s that then?” I said “you won’t be able to get into the corners very well”.

The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.
Poll: The official planetswans European election poll. Your vote goes to?

1

Shìt Joke thread..... on 20:33 - May 18 with 1686 viewsSwanjaxs

My father drowned in a vat of beer.
Mind you he got out to go to the toilet twice.

You might think I've forgotten, but one day, when you least expect it, my time will come.
Poll: Celtic and Rangers should be fast tracked into the Championship ASAP

2
Shìt Joke thread..... on 21:12 - May 18 with 1663 viewsthornabyswan

Shìt Joke thread..... on 20:33 - May 18 by Swanjaxs

My father drowned in a vat of beer.
Mind you he got out to go to the toilet twice.


Sad news about that sultana drowing got pulled under by a current

Poll: Will the PL and Championship be completed

1

Shìt Joke thread..... on 21:33 - May 18 with 1641 viewsCooperman

I was on the phone to Babestation the other night and the young lass said “hey big boy, what can I do fo you”

I said “Fuking hide, quick. My Mrs is coming down the stairs and I’ve lost the remote”.

Poll: Your confectionery tub of choice

6

Shìt Joke thread..... on 00:34 - May 19 with 1589 viewsSwanjaxs

A gang has been caught making counterfeit Kipling Bakewell tarts.

Police say they're exceedingly good fakes.

You might think I've forgotten, but one day, when you least expect it, my time will come.
Poll: Celtic and Rangers should be fast tracked into the Championship ASAP

2
Shìt Joke thread..... on 00:38 - May 19 with 1585 viewsairedale

Shìt Joke thread..... on 21:33 - May 18 by Cooperman

I was on the phone to Babestation the other night and the young lass said “hey big boy, what can I do fo you”

I said “Fuking hide, quick. My Mrs is coming down the stairs and I’ve lost the remote”.


Is the answer a fish?
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 07:15 - May 19 with 1551 viewsHighjack

A young lad went to his father. “Dad, why is my sister called Rose?”

The dad said “Well your mum and I had a deal. If we had a baby girl she’d name her after something she loves. If she had a boy I would choose the name. Your mum loves roses, so she called your sister Rose.”

“Thanks Dad.”

“No problem Anal.”

The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.
Poll: The official planetswans European election poll. Your vote goes to?

3

Shìt Joke thread..... on 09:17 - May 19 with 1512 viewstheloneranger

My girlfriend keeps telling me that having a small cock is nothing to worry about.

I still wish she didn't have one!!

Everyday above ground ... Is a good day! 😎

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 06:34 - May 20 with 1396 viewsHighjack

A man went into a library and said “Do you have any books about turtles?”

“Hard back?” The librarian asked.

“Yes with little heads and flippers.”

The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.
Poll: The official planetswans European election poll. Your vote goes to?

4

Shìt Joke thread..... on 01:44 - May 21 with 1261 viewsSwanjaxs

Polce toay have sa they are nvestgatng a string of ID thefts. 👮‍♂️

You might think I've forgotten, but one day, when you least expect it, my time will come.
Poll: Celtic and Rangers should be fast tracked into the Championship ASAP

5

Shìt Joke thread..... on 20:35 - May 22 with 981 viewsdickythorpe

There's a new drug on the market for depressed lesbians.
It's called Tri-cox-agin
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 20:42 - May 22 with 971 viewsRobbie

Let my mate 20 grand to get plastic surgery .

Cannot recognise him now to get my money back . ( Copyright Owen Money , not me ) .
[Post edited 22 May 20:43]
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 20:44 - May 22 with 965 viewsdickythorpe

Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?
He pasta-way.
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 20:50 - May 22 with 959 viewsRobbie

Woke up in the middle of the night recently , there was a burglar in the house looking for valuables .
So I got up to give him a hand . ( Copyright Tim Vine , not me ) .
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 08:16 - May 23 with 886 viewstheloneranger

CSI Cardiff has been scrapped as soon as production started.

It's hard to do a crime show, when every member of the city has no dental records and the same DNA!!

Everyday above ground ... Is a good day! 😎

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 10:49 - May 23 with 851 viewssainthelens

Shìt Joke thread..... on 08:16 - May 23 by theloneranger

CSI Cardiff has been scrapped as soon as production started.

It's hard to do a crime show, when every member of the city has no dental records and the same DNA!!


In an 11 page thread.....that's my fave.
Bravo sir.
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