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Shìt Joke thread..... 21:41 - Nov 20 with 54818 viewsSwanjaxs

My blond 19 year old next door neighbour has just asked me if I know about missing items from her washing line? ...

I nearly shìt her knickers 😮


You might think I've forgotten, but one day, when you least expect it, my time will come.
Poll: Lion or Bear.. who would win in a fight 🤔

6

Shìt Joke thread..... on 12:23 - May 23 with 1761 viewswobbly

Researchers have conclusively proved that job interview questions are pointless. Reviewing interviews conducted in 2015, not a single person got the question “where do you see yourself in 5 years?” right.
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 16:51 - May 23 with 1691 viewsBigYank

I was at the butcher's last week and the butcher says to me "You see those cuts of meat on the top shelf?" I nodded and said "yeah, what about them?" He smiles and said, "I bet you 50 quid you can't reach them!" I frown and tell him "I'm not making that bet."

"Why?" the butcher says.

"Because the steaks are too high!"

Stateside Jack

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 11:03 - May 24 with 1583 viewsHighjack

Dominic Cummings.

The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.
Poll: The official planetswans European election poll. Your vote goes to?

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 11:38 - May 24 with 1562 viewsSwanjaxs

Shìt Joke thread..... on 11:03 - May 24 by Highjack

Dominic Cummings.


Pikey Paul 🤣

You might think I've forgotten, but one day, when you least expect it, my time will come.
Poll: Lion or Bear.. who would win in a fight 🤔

0

Shìt Joke thread..... on 12:03 - May 24 with 1540 viewsMuteswan

I had to get a loan to pay for an Exorcism.
They said if I couldn’t pay it back on time I’d be repossessed.
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 14:07 - May 24 with 1490 viewsSwanjaxs

What's the best thing about Switzerland?

The flag, it's a big plus 👍

You might think I've forgotten, but one day, when you least expect it, my time will come.
Poll: Lion or Bear.. who would win in a fight 🤔

1
Shìt Joke thread..... on 15:38 - May 24 with 1453 viewsHighjack

Shìt Joke thread..... on 14:07 - May 24 by Swanjaxs

What's the best thing about Switzerland?

The flag, it's a big plus 👍


Some people say it’s the cheese, but that argument is full of holes.

The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.
Poll: The official planetswans European election poll. Your vote goes to?

0

Shìt Joke thread..... on 20:22 - May 24 with 1395 viewsMuteswan

A dung beetle went into a bar and asked “Is this stool taken?”
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 20:24 - May 24 with 1389 viewsdickythorpe

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 20:29 - May 24 with 1382 viewsMuteswan

Shìt Joke thread..... on 00:34 - May 19 by Swanjaxs

A gang has been caught making counterfeit Kipling Bakewell tarts.

Police say they're exceedingly good fakes.


Sorry, down arrowed by mistake. 🙄
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 20:34 - May 24 with 1370 viewsSwanjaxs

Shìt Joke thread..... on 20:29 - May 24 by Muteswan

Sorry, down arrowed by mistake. 🙄


No problem 😊

You'll have to post up a joke as compensation though 😁

You might think I've forgotten, but one day, when you least expect it, my time will come.
Poll: Lion or Bear.. who would win in a fight 🤔

0

Shìt Joke thread..... on 20:36 - May 24 with 1366 viewsSwanjaxs


You might think I've forgotten, but one day, when you least expect it, my time will come.
Poll: Lion or Bear.. who would win in a fight 🤔

3
Shìt Joke thread..... on 20:40 - May 24 with 1362 viewsMuteswan

Shìt Joke thread..... on 20:34 - May 24 by Swanjaxs

No problem 😊

You'll have to post up a joke as compensation though 😁


I’m really angry!
Every morning a German Shepherd craps in my front garden.
Today, to make matters worse, he brought his dog with him. 😉
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 21:42 - May 24 with 1327 viewsSwanjaxs

Shìt Joke thread..... on 20:40 - May 24 by Muteswan

I’m really angry!
Every morning a German Shepherd craps in my front garden.
Today, to make matters worse, he brought his dog with him. 😉


👏👏👏👏

You might think I've forgotten, but one day, when you least expect it, my time will come.
Poll: Lion or Bear.. who would win in a fight 🤔

0
Shìt Joke thread..... on 21:45 - May 24 with 1321 viewsSwanjaxs

Shìt Joke thread..... on 20:40 - May 24 by Muteswan

I’m really angry!
Every morning a German Shepherd craps in my front garden.
Today, to make matters worse, he brought his dog with him. 😉


How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? – One. They are efficient and don’t have humor.

You might think I've forgotten, but one day, when you least expect it, my time will come.
Poll: Lion or Bear.. who would win in a fight 🤔

1

Shìt Joke thread..... on 21:54 - May 24 with 1309 viewsRobbie

Me - Went on a flight to Spain last year ,

Mate - Thats nice , who did you fly with ?

Me - Don"t know , did not ask the other passengers their names .

( Copyright Tim Vine )
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 22:05 - May 24 with 1297 viewslonglostjack

Shìt Joke thread..... on 21:45 - May 24 by Swanjaxs

How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? – One. They are efficient and don’t have humor.


As Henning said:

„Let’s get one thing straight. Germans like a laugh. Just like the Brits. It’s just Germans laugh once the work is done.“

Poll: Alcohol in the lockdown

2

Shìt Joke thread..... on 22:06 - May 24 with 1292 viewsEbo

Went to a wedding reception once and the caterers had let the poor couple down badly. All there was to eat was breakfast cereal. Let’s just say it was a frostie reception.

Thank you, goodnight and bollocks
Poll: What couldn't you live without?

3

Shìt Joke thread..... on 21:54 - May 25 with 1158 viewsSwanjaxs


You might think I've forgotten, but one day, when you least expect it, my time will come.
Poll: Lion or Bear.. who would win in a fight 🤔

0

Shìt Joke thread..... on 22:16 - May 25 with 1139 viewsMuteswan

I used to have a job at a calendar factory.
I got the sack for taking a few days off.
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 23:33 - May 25 with 1091 viewsBrynCartwright

What I object to is all the sex on the television these days!

Well.....I mean....we keep falling off!

(Graham Chapman)

Poll: Artificial Crowd Noise for Premier League and Champiionship Games is...

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 15:50 - May 27 with 956 viewsHighjack

I went to an Eskimo restaurant the other day. I asked the waiter what was on the menu, he said “whale meat, whale meat, whale meat, or you could have the Vera Lynn”

I said “what’s the Vera Lynn?”

He said “Whale meat again...”

The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.
Poll: The official planetswans European election poll. Your vote goes to?

1

Shìt Joke thread..... on 22:10 - May 27 with 903 viewsMuteswan

Someone told me to use horse manure on my rhubarb.
I have to say I still prefer custard. 😳
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 22:51 - May 27 with 879 viewsdickythorpe

Claude Lightly wasn't a bad lion tamer
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 07:35 - May 28 with 822 viewsBest_loser

Irish guy goes to a KKK fancy dress ball

As al jolson
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