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Dear Neighbour, Hi Tom, this is Dick, next door. I’ve been riddled with guilt for a few months now and have been trying to get up the courage to tell you face to face. When you’re not around, I’ve been sharing your wife, day and night, probably much more than you. I haven’t been getting it at home recently. I know that’s no excuse but the temptation was just too great. I can’t live with the guilt and hope you’ll accept my sincere apologies and forgive me. Please suggest a fee for usage and I’ll pay you. Regards Dick.
Tom feeling enraged and betrayed, grabbed his gun, went next door, and shot Dick dead. He then returned home and shot his wife, poured himself a stiff drink and sat on the sofa. Tom then looked at his phone and discovered a second message from Dick.
Hi Tom, Dick here again. Sorry about the typo on my last message. I assumed you figured it out and noticed that Spellchecker had changed “wi-fi” to “wife”. Technology eh. It’ll be the death of me.
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 21:31 - Apr 27 with 2445 views
Heard my lovely neighbour shagging for what seemed like ages last night, moaning, groaning and banging the headboard off the wall......turns out her elderly mother had fallen and cracked her head and was knocking on the wall with her walking stick for help.....
feel a bit guilty about the wà nk now.
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 17:52 - Apr 29 with 2195 views
If you were to inject your partner with disinfectant, would you be charged with Bleach of the peace or Domestos violence? Or just some other ” Trumped “ up charge?
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 20:55 - Apr 29 with 2133 views
A little girl, blonde with long ringlets, was sitting on a park bench with her dog at her feet. She looked so sweet sitting there, and when the vicar passed he just had to speak to her. "Hello little girl" he said, "whats your name?" "Blossom" she replied. "Oh" said the vicar "that's an unusual name, how did you come to be called Blossom?" "Well" said the little girl "when my mummy was expecting me, and I was in her tummy, she was sitting under a cherry tree, and a blossom fell on her belly, that's why I'm called Blossom" "That's lovely" said the Vicar,"and whats your little doggie called?"To which the sweet little girl replied "Porky" "Oh" said the Vicar, "that's unusual too, why is he named Porky?" "Cos he f**ks pigs" came the reply.
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 21:07 - Apr 29 with 2117 views
A guy is sitting at the doctor's office. The doctor walks in and says, "I have some bad news. I'm afraid you're going to have to stop masturbating." "I don't understand, doc," the patient says. "Why?" "Because," the doctor says. "I'm trying to examine you."
You might think I've forgotten, but one day, when you least expect it, my time will come.
Shìt Joke thread..... on 21:07 - Apr 29 by Swanjaxs
A guy is sitting at the doctor's office. The doctor walks in and says, "I have some bad news. I'm afraid you're going to have to stop masturbating." "I don't understand, doc," the patient says. "Why?" "Because," the doctor says. "I'm trying to examine you."
Not funny!
...My consultation was supposed to be kept private.
It is far better to grasp the universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring. - Carl Sagan
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 11:57 - Apr 30 with 1963 views
A couple were lying in bed together on the morning of their tenth wedding anniversary, When the wife says ...
”Darling, as this is such a special occasion, I think that it is time I made a confession. Before we were married I was a hooker for eight years”
The husband ponders for a moment, and then looks into his wife's eyes and says ...
“My love, you have been a perfect wife for ten years. I cannot hold your past against you, maybe you could show me a few tricks of the trade and spice up our sex life a bit ??
She replied, “I don't think you understand, my name was Brian and I played rugby for Wales !! "
Everyday above ground ... Is a good day! 😎
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 21:18 - Apr 30 with 1869 views
I was walking through the cemetery and I saw a bloke popping up from behind one of the grave stones. I said “Morning”. He replied “No mate, just having a shit”
The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.
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