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Shìt Joke thread..... 21:41 - Nov 20 with 60508 viewsSwanjaxs

My blond 19 year old next door neighbour has just asked me if I know about missing items from her washing line? ...

I nearly shìt her knickers 😮


You might think I've forgotten, but one day, when you least expect it, my time will come.
Poll: Celtic and Rangers should be fast tracked into the Championship ASAP

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 16:26 - May 4 with 1749 viewsSwanjaxs

A guy goes to the doctor.

"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home.'"

"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."

"Is it common?"

"It's not unusual."

You might think I've forgotten, but one day, when you least expect it, my time will come.
Poll: Celtic and Rangers should be fast tracked into the Championship ASAP

1
Shìt Joke thread..... on 16:27 - May 4 with 1743 viewsHighjack

Shìt Joke thread..... on 16:26 - May 4 by Swanjaxs

A guy goes to the doctor.

"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home.'"

"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."

"Is it common?"

"It's not unusual."


The doctor told me I have acute hypochondria. I said oh god not that as well.

The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.
Poll: The official planetswans European election poll. Your vote goes to?

1

Shìt Joke thread..... on 16:34 - May 4 with 1724 viewstheloneranger

Two women walking home drunk were busting for the toilet, so they went into a graveyard.

They had no toilet paper, so one woman used her knickers and threw them away. The other used a ribbon from a wreath.

The next day their husbands were talking. One said, "We'd better keep an eye on our wives when they next go out" - "Mine came home without her knickers"

"You think that's bad" said the other, "Mine had a card stuck to her arse saying"

"From all the lads at the fire station, we'll never forget you" ...!!

Everyday above ground ... Is a good day! 😎

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 16:48 - May 4 with 1700 viewsjack2jack

Shìt Joke thread..... on 16:34 - May 4 by theloneranger

Two women walking home drunk were busting for the toilet, so they went into a graveyard.

They had no toilet paper, so one woman used her knickers and threw them away. The other used a ribbon from a wreath.

The next day their husbands were talking. One said, "We'd better keep an eye on our wives when they next go out" - "Mine came home without her knickers"

"You think that's bad" said the other, "Mine had a card stuck to her arse saying"

"From all the lads at the fire station, we'll never forget you" ...!!


0

Shìt Joke thread..... on 17:15 - May 4 with 1676 viewsJoe_bradshaw

Young man goes to pick up his girlfriend for an evening out. He meets her father for the first time and as the conversation progresses the father says “Do you know that Susan has acute angina”?

The boyfriend says “Yeah, lovely tits too”.

Planet Swans Prediction League Winner Season 2013-14. Runner up 2014_15.
Poll: How many points clear of relegation will we be on Saturday night?

4

Shìt Joke thread..... on 17:44 - May 4 with 1648 viewsWarwickHunt

Guy wanders into a doctor’s surgery...

Yes, what can I do for you?
Err... I dunno.
Well, is there anything wrong with you?
Yeah - I think I’m a moth.
Well, I’m afraid you need to see a psychiatrist.
Oh yeah, I know that.
Well, why did you come in?
Your light was on.
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 17:55 - May 4 with 1639 viewstheloneranger

What’s the difference between your wife and your job?



After 10 years ... Your job will still suck!!

Everyday above ground ... Is a good day! 😎

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 23:24 - May 4 with 1536 viewsbuilthjack

China has a new snack pot It's called Not Poodle.

Poll: Birch - Would you trust him ?

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 01:50 - May 5 with 1513 viewsdizietsma

Policeman: Where were you on the night in question?

Englishman: Upper-Ramsbottom

Welshman: Aye, me too.
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 03:26 - May 5 with 1499 viewsGlyn1

MODS PLEASE! For the love of God, please close this down. I've read every one of these and it's doing my head in. Funny, mind. OK, just a few more, I can handle it.

Poll: Who should be our next manager? Please name them.

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 08:05 - May 5 with 1475 viewsdna

I've just found out who owns Toyah Wilcox's local Chinese restaurant -

"It's a Mr Wee"
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 09:06 - May 5 with 1453 viewstheloneranger

I saw a sign today that made me p1ss myself.

It said ... "TOILETS CLOSED"

Everyday above ground ... Is a good day! 😎

2

Shìt Joke thread..... on 12:22 - May 5 with 1417 viewsSwanjaxs

I said to my wife, "I saw a woman with her tits out on the No 28 bus to Penlan feeding her son." She said, "It's natural." "Natural?" I replied, "She was giving him crisps."
[Post edited 5 May 12:22]

You might think I've forgotten, but one day, when you least expect it, my time will come.
Poll: Celtic and Rangers should be fast tracked into the Championship ASAP

2

Shìt Joke thread..... on 16:46 - May 5 with 1341 viewstheloneranger

My wife asked me, "Does my arse look big in these trousers?? and for once please give me a complement"

I replied, "You've got perfect fvcking eyesight"

Everyday above ground ... Is a good day! 😎

2

Shìt Joke thread..... on 16:49 - May 7 with 1203 viewssainthelens

Had my phone bill last week, £800 ! Was one of those sex chat lines.
Word of warning lads , never ring Stuttering Sluts.
1

Shìt Joke thread..... on 18:35 - May 7 with 1168 viewsBest_loser

When I was a child one of my Christmas presents was an action man

I was puzzled why it was in a longer box than normal

It was an Italian army soldier

Had his hands up
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 18:39 - May 7 with 1159 viewstheloneranger

When I was a boy, I laid in my twin sized bed and wondered where my brother was.

Everyday above ground ... Is a good day! 😎

1

Shìt Joke thread..... on 18:40 - May 7 with 1156 viewssainthelens

For almost a week now I've had dreams about being a horse.
5 nights on the trot.
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 18:44 - May 7 with 1150 viewsHighjack

The doctor said to me “try not to eat anything fatty.” I said “you mean like bacon or sausages?” He said “no, fatty. Try not to eat anything.”

The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.
Poll: The official planetswans European election poll. Your vote goes to?

4

Shìt Joke thread..... on 18:46 - May 7 with 1144 viewstheloneranger

Why did the spvnk cross the road? ...

Because I put the wrong sock on this morning!!

Everyday above ground ... Is a good day! 😎

1

Shìt Joke thread..... on 19:01 - May 7 with 1121 viewsBest_loser

A woman collapsed in the street and a large concerned crowd gather around her

A guy pushed his way through them all untill he reached the front

Are you a doctor somebody asked him

No, I'm a nosey b@stard
2

Shìt Joke thread..... on 21:14 - May 7 with 1079 viewsJoe_bradshaw

I once had lunch with Bobby Fischer and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.

Planet Swans Prediction League Winner Season 2013-14. Runner up 2014_15.
Poll: How many points clear of relegation will we be on Saturday night?

4

Shìt Joke thread..... on 22:30 - May 7 with 1038 viewsBest_loser

Real Madrid 3 surreal Madrid fish
0
Shìt Joke thread..... on 12:51 - May 8 with 955 viewsSwanjaxs

Shìt Joke thread..... on 22:30 - May 7 by Best_loser

Real Madrid 3 surreal Madrid fish


What is black and white and black and white and black and white? A Swans fan rolling down a hill!

You might think I've forgotten, but one day, when you least expect it, my time will come.
Poll: Celtic and Rangers should be fast tracked into the Championship ASAP

1

Shìt Joke thread..... on 12:57 - May 8 with 942 viewsJoe_bradshaw

Did you hear about the thirsty dyslexic who walked into a bra?

Planet Swans Prediction League Winner Season 2013-14. Runner up 2014_15.
Poll: How many points clear of relegation will we be on Saturday night?

2

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