| Corny Joke Warning 16:56 - Aug 29 with 670542 views | Boston |
What vehicle do electricians prefer to drive?
A Volts Wagon. |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 13:19 - Nov 7 with 7444 views | johann28 |
Well done. I got a job making chess pieces. I'm on nights next week. |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 15:33 - Nov 9 with 7350 views | Esox_Lucius |
Why do the cows in Northern Ireland have such smelly farts?
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Because they come from the Derry air. |  |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 13:00 - Nov 10 with 7252 views | Esox_Lucius |
I bought an old WW2 hand grenade from my local surplus store. It all went horribly wrong when the person on the till asked me for my PIN. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 20:05 - Nov 10 with 7154 views | horshamHoop |
Do you know what
People who bang on about their phobias really annoy me....
I have a fear of heights but you won’t see me shouting about it from the rooftops. | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 18:17 - Nov 17 with 6961 views | loftboy |
Ive just entered the words tightest hat competition, just hope I can pull it off. [Post edited 17 Nov 2020 18:20]
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| Corny Joke Warning on 23:50 - Nov 17 with 6845 views | Esox_Lucius |
I just swallowed a whole bottle of invisible ink, I’m not sure how serious it is, I’m in A&E just
waiting to be seen. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 13:17 - Nov 18 with 6756 views | Boston |
| Corny Joke Warning on 23:50 - Nov 17 by Esox_Lucius |
I just swallowed a whole bottle of invisible ink, I’m not sure how serious it is, I’m in A&E just
waiting to be seen. |
You'll probably end up in the ICU. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 09:51 - Nov 22 with 6574 views | loftboy |
I’m looking to buy a lighthouse, nothing too flashy though. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 11:27 - Nov 22 with 6518 views | acricketer |
A lightning bolt just shot out of my backside.
I'm hoping it was a flash in the pan! | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 12:22 - Nov 22 with 6497 views | Esox_Lucius |
Q. What is the difference between a sock and a camera?
A. One is for five toes... | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 14:40 - Nov 22 with 6452 views | colinallcars |
Here's an old one: a Photon reckoned he'd been working hard, so decided to book in at a seaside hotel. Have you any luggage sir? Said the receptionist.
No, no said the Photon, I'm travelling light. |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 15:08 - Nov 22 with 6433 views | Boston |
Went to the hospital yesterday as my whole body hurt.
Doc asked me to touch my nose, hurt, touch my knee, hurt, touch my stomach, hurt, touch my shoulder, hurt...
Apparently I've a broken finger. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 08:49 - Nov 24 with 6285 views | loftboy |
I’m not proud of myself.
Just smuggled out from my local shop under my hat a bar of chocolate and a coconut.
Now found out I have a bounty on my head | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 09:22 - Nov 24 with 6255 views | Mick_S |
Tired of constantly being broke & stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary, and then arranging to have her killed.
A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious, dark-side, underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.' Artie then explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was £5,000.
The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money.
Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single pound coin that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, & reluctantly agreed to accept the pound as down payment for the dirty deed.
A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Tesco where he surprised her in the fruit & vegetable department. There he proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands, but as the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath and slumped to the floor the manager of the fruit & vegetable department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene. Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, Artie had no choice but to strangle the manager as well.
However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by hidden security cameras and observed by the store's security guard, who immediately called the police.
Artie was caught and arrested before he could even leave the store. Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested.
The next day in the newspaper,the headline declared............
'ARTIE CHOKES TWO FOR A POUND AT TESCO!' |  |
| Did I ever mention that I was in Minder? |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 09:57 - Nov 25 with 6167 views | loftboy |
WARNING
If you receive an email titled “DING DONG” do NOT open it.
It’s Jehovah Witness working from home. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 10:55 - Nov 25 with 6141 views | loftboy |
Local gangsters in our area go to a man known only as T Rex.
He’s a small arms dealer | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 14:51 - Nov 25 with 6089 views | loftboy |
I’ve started a new magazine dedicated to ice cream.
Still looking for my first scoop | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 12:45 - Nov 27 with 5988 views | Esox_Lucius |
I've just been to the Optician for my annual eye test.
The Optician put a contraption on my face ,and said " what can you see? " I said
"I see empty Airports and empty Football grounds,
I see closed theatres , closed pubs, closed Restaurants"
That's perfect says the Optician, you've got 2020 vision! | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 15:39 - Nov 28 with 5892 views | Esox_Lucius |
I arrived home this afternoon from the shops and someone had left a huge great lump of plasticine on my doorstep. I don't know what to make of it. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 06:47 - Nov 29 with 5807 views | HantsR |
To the person who invented the word PLETHORA, thankyou, it means a lot. |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 13:23 - Dec 2 with 5664 views | Esox_Lucius |
Apparently North Korea has a missile that can reach New York.
I think we should all be extremely worried...
Because if it can make it there it can make it anywhere. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 23:17 - Dec 5 with 5487 views | Esox_Lucius |
Well, here I am tonight with two bad black eyes, a few chipped teeth, a split lip, a broken nose, three broken ribs and a punctured lung all down to a motorbike incident.
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My wife found out exactly how much I really paid for it. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 01:03 - Dec 6 with 5454 views | Esox_Lucius |
Many years ago ,Bing Crosby, Don Henley, Mary Hopkin and Lee Hazlewood asked me to join with them to sing Christmas songs. It was a very exclusive group, just Bing Don Mary Lee and I | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 21:01 - Dec 9 with 5246 views | Esox_Lucius |
One of my mates, who is a sound engineer, has just become a father to twin girls.
His chosen names for them are Anna 1 Anna 2. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 21:07 - Dec 9 with 5241 views | qprxtc |
Kings Road shite fans are tolerant, easy going, all encompassing, funny, lovable people.
The complete definition of a bunch of Oxymorons.
Does that work? Meh |  | | |
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