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Corny Joke Warning 16:56 - Aug 29 with 92605 viewsBoston

What vehicle do electricians prefer to drive?

A Volts Wagon.

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

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Corny Joke Warning on 00:24 - Nov 24 with 4190 viewssharky8

Corny Joke Warning on 01:28 - Aug 30 by Boston

Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed.


lol
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Corny Joke Warning on 02:12 - Nov 24 with 4168 viewsDavieQPR

Corny Joke Warning on 16:53 - Nov 22 by Esox_Lucius

My wife has come home with a Jehovah's Witness Advent Calendar. I had a sneak peek to see what was in it and behind every door is two of them holding out a Watchtower.


Once let one of them in. I said right what are we going to talk about. He said' don't know I have never got this far before'.
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Corny Joke Warning on 16:27 - Nov 24 with 4080 viewsEsox_Lucius

An engineer dies and reports to the Pearly Gates.
Saint Peter checks his dossier and, not seeing his name there, accidentally sends him to Hell.
It doesn’t take long before the engineer becomes rather dissatisfied with the level of comfort in Hell.
He soon begins to design and build improvements. Shortly thereafter, Hell has air conditioning,
flush toilets and escalators. Needless to say, the engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day, God calls Satan and says: “So, how are things in Hell?”
Satan replies: “Hey, things are going great. We’ve got air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators.
And there’s no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next.” “What!” God exclaims: “You’ve got an engineer? That’s a mistake – he should never have been sent to Hell. Send him back to me.”
“Not a chance,” Satan replies: “I like having an engineer on the staff, and I’m keeping him!”
God insists: “Send him back or I’ll sue.”
Satan laughs uproariously and answers: “Yeah, right! And where are you going to get a lawyer?

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

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Corny Joke Warning on 22:41 - Nov 24 with 4017 viewsEsox_Lucius

Friends and family used to say to me, "As a young boy, was your mother very strict with you?" I said "let's get one thing straight, my mum was never a young boy"

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

1
Corny Joke Warning on 22:51 - Nov 24 with 4015 viewsbosh67

Corny Joke Warning on 22:41 - Nov 24 by Esox_Lucius

Friends and family used to say to me, "As a young boy, was your mother very strict with you?" I said "let's get one thing straight, my mum was never a young boy"


It's an old one but a good one!

Never knowingly right.
Poll: Rename South Africa Road stand the Stan Bowles stand

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Corny Joke Warning on 22:54 - Nov 24 with 4013 viewsbosh67

"That's it," she screamed, before launching into a tirade that she had obviously been bottling up for some time. "You don't f**king listen anymore. You just ignore me. You do your own thing all the f**king time and I swear you just do it to upset me. I've tried to be patient. God knows I have tried to hold my temper with you. But this is the straw that breaks the camel's back. I don't need this. I don't f**king want this. I've had enough. It's over. We're through. You're on your own...." I hung my head and nodded with a sense of acceptance. "I know," I replied, "and I'm sorry." .... Anyway, that was the last time I used the satnav.

Never knowingly right.
Poll: Rename South Africa Road stand the Stan Bowles stand

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Corny Joke Warning on 12:42 - Nov 25 with 3945 viewsEsox_Lucius

I rang my mate Stan and his wife answered:
"I wanted to wish you and Stan a good holiday," I said. "You fly from Gatwick tomorrow, don't you?"
She said, "Stansted."
"Blimey," I said, "he seemed absolutely fine in the pub last night."

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

5

Corny Joke Warning on 09:09 - Nov 26 with 3836 viewsEsox_Lucius

I wanted to buy a folder, so I went into Ryman.
I said to the assistant, 'I'd like a folder, please.'
He said, 'You mean a Noddy.'
'No, a folder.'
'That's a Noddy. Noddy Holder, folder, get it?'
'OK, I get it, but what language is that?'
'Cockney Ryman Slang.'

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

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Corny Joke Warning on 18:59 - Nov 28 with 3710 viewsEsox_Lucius

"G'day mate. Aussie Medical Helpline here, what's the problem?"
"G'day mate, I'm in Darwin with me Sheila and she's just been stung on the minge by a big wasp and her pussy's all swollen up and I don't know what to do"
"Ah, Bummer mate"
"Cheers, I hadn't thought of that".

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

4

Corny Joke Warning on 16:24 - Nov 29 with 3611 viewsEsox_Lucius

I got called into human resources today because of a couple of incidents and was asked if I knew the difference between left and right wing. I told them to fýck off as my politics was my business.

They still sacked me though, turns out aircraft are fýcking expensive to fix.

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

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Corny Joke Warning on 22:25 - Dec 3 with 3470 viewsWokingham_r

Corny Joke Warning on 16:24 - Nov 29 by Esox_Lucius

I got called into human resources today because of a couple of incidents and was asked if I knew the difference between left and right wing. I told them to fýck off as my politics was my business.

They still sacked me though, turns out aircraft are fýcking expensive to fix.


I asked the baker "Why are those cakes £1 each and all the rest are 50p"
"Well" the baker replied "Those are Madeira cakes!"
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Corny Joke Warning on 13:29 - Dec 5 with 3346 viewsEsox_Lucius

I used to go out with a girl who worked in a petrol station, until she dumped me...now I can't go past a petrol station without filling up.

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

0

Corny Joke Warning on 22:13 - Dec 5 with 3272 viewssmegma

My mate just called me a plagiarist.

His words, not mine
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Corny Joke Warning on 23:59 - Dec 5 with 3240 viewsjohncharles

Bloke I know gave up his job as a Merchant Banker to be a Masterbaker

Strong and stable my arse.

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Corny Joke Warning on 22:56 - Dec 12 with 3031 viewsBathRanger

Yesterday I ate two pieces of string. Today they came out tied together. I sh*t you knot.
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Corny Joke Warning on 13:27 - Dec 13 with 2911 viewsDorse

Local news reporter was called out to cover a story about vandalism on Palmer's Alpaca Farm, where strange messages keep getting sheared into the animals' fleece. One day it said 'Robert De Niro's Waiting', the next it said 'I'm Your Venus'. The story hit the front page, you may have seen it:
'Farmer Palmer's Bananarama Llama Harmer Drama'.

'What do we want? We don't know! When do we want it? Now!'

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Corny Joke Warning on 18:19 - Dec 13 with 2871 viewsonlyrinmoray

A Policeman is sent to check on cars in the local lovers lane He knocks on the window of the first car "what you doing in there ? " he asks The women rolls down the window " Its OK officer we are only doing the Rhumba" So he goes to the 2nd car " What you doing in there? he asks again. A woman rolls down the window Its OK officer we are only doing the tango

He goes to the 3rd car knocks on the window, a woman rolls down the window " I suppose you are doing the Bossa Nova" says the policeman "....no she says Im doing the boss a favour….What made this funnier for me was it was told by a well dressed posh lady in her 80s where I work
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Corny Joke Warning on 20:58 - Dec 13 with 2831 viewsEsox_Lucius

I took my Great Dane to the vet as he wasn't his normal self. The Vet picked him up and had a look in his eyes, and took a look into his ears.
"I'm going to have to put him down" he said.
"Why" I said "is he really ill?"
"No" the vet replied "He's fücking heavy"

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

1
Corny Joke Warning on 22:35 - Dec 13 with 2801 viewsbosh67

Corny Joke Warning on 22:13 - Dec 5 by smegma

My mate just called me a plagiarist.

His words, not mine


Tremendous

Never knowingly right.
Poll: Rename South Africa Road stand the Stan Bowles stand

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Corny Joke Warning on 19:25 - Dec 19 with 2592 viewsEsox_Lucius

Cyclops: "How do you spell Hawaii?"
His wife: "Well... I know you need two i's"
Cyclops: "Laugh it up Sandra, my life's a joke to you isn't it?"

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

1

Corny Joke Warning on 19:31 - Dec 19 with 2585 viewsEsox_Lucius

I have just had six tins of Alphabetti Spaghetti for my tea and followed it up with a violent vowel movement, my next trip to the loo could spell disaster.

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

1

Corny Joke Warning on 20:52 - Dec 21 with 2407 viewsEsox_Lucius

It has just said in the news that a man who was found dead in his home has just been named by police.
You would of thought the parents would of done that years ago!!

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

0

Corny Joke Warning on 19:36 - Feb 7 with 1980 viewsEsox_Lucius

I fell asleep last night with my phone under my pillow. I went to get it this morning and all I found was a pound coin. Yep, I had been visited by the Bluetooth Fairy.

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

0

Corny Joke Warning on 19:41 - Feb 7 with 1972 viewsericgen34

Have you heard about the dyslexic who sold his soul to Santa?
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Corny Joke Warning on 22:03 - Feb 7 with 1933 viewsNW10Hoop

Why can’t Stevie Wonder see his friends?
Cos he’s married.
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