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Corny Joke Warning 16:56 - Aug 29 with 89137 viewsBoston

What vehicle do electricians prefer to drive?

A Volts Wagon.

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

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Corny Joke Warning on 11:26 - Aug 30 with 4304 viewsdontknowitall

Several All Blacks rugby players have had their laptops' security breached in New Zealand.
Computer experts say it was probably a haka
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Corny Joke Warning on 12:14 - Aug 30 with 4244 viewsNW10Hoop

What's made of brass and sounds like Tom Jones

Trombones
11

Corny Joke Warning on 13:10 - Aug 30 with 4175 viewsA40Bosh

I told the wife last night to quickly pack her bags as I had just won £5m on the lottery.

"Where are we off to? "she asked and I replied...

"Go where ever you like, but I'm buying your share of the house!"

Poll: With no leg room, knees killing me, do I just go now or stay for the 2nd half o?

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Corny Joke Warning on 13:10 - Aug 30 with 4175 viewstimcocking

Shocking.
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Corny Joke Warning on 13:16 - Aug 30 with 4163 viewsDorse

Albinos, eh? Can't say fairer than that.

'What do we want? We don't know! When do we want it? Now!'

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Corny Joke Warning on 13:26 - Aug 30 with 4138 viewsheadhoops

I met a new girlfriend who told me she had a weak heart.
I told her to lie on her side and I would miss it.

where do policemen live?
In Letsbe Avenue.

Poll: Remy - can he play in the playoffs - who's opening post is the best?

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Corny Joke Warning on 13:46 - Aug 30 with 4095 viewsBazzaInTheLoft

Went to the boozer the other day and saw Vincent Van Gogh sat in the corner.

I shouted ‘Fancy a pint Vincent?’

He replies ‘No thanks mate, I’ve got one ear’
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Corny Joke Warning on 13:50 - Aug 30 with 4092 viewsR_from_afar

How do you titillate an ocelot?
v
v
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v
v
v
v
v
v
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You oscillate its t1t a lot.

RFA (desperately seeking his coat)

"Things had started becoming increasingly desperate at Loftus Road but QPR have been handed a massive lifeline and the place has absolutely erupted. it's carnage. It's bedlam. It's 1-1."

2
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Corny Joke Warning on 14:04 - Aug 30 with 4067 viewsBoston

What’s the difference between a snowman and a snow woman?

Snowballs.

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

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Corny Joke Warning on 14:19 - Aug 30 with 4044 viewsFDC

Working at the Job Centre has to be a tense job, knowing that if you get fired you still have to come in the next day

(c) Adam Rowe
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Corny Joke Warning on 15:18 - Aug 30 with 3986 viewsEsox_Lucius

I went to a party dressed as an oven. My mate came dressed as an oven too.
" I thought you were coming as a parrot" I said.
" No" he replied. " I said I was coming as a cooker too"
[Post edited 30 Aug 2018 16:09]

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

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Corny Joke Warning on 15:19 - Aug 30 with 3981 viewsBazzaInTheLoft

Congratulations to Danny Welbeck’s Dad Stan for 30 years loyal service in the bomb disposal squad.
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Corny Joke Warning on 16:42 - Aug 30 with 3894 viewsAshdown_Ranger

Corny Joke Warning on 15:18 - Aug 30 by Esox_Lucius

I went to a party dressed as an oven. My mate came dressed as an oven too.
" I thought you were coming as a parrot" I said.
" No" he replied. " I said I was coming as a cooker too"
[Post edited 30 Aug 2018 16:09]


Another parrot related joke (which works better spoken)...

----------

Two flat-sharing girls recovering after a wild party the night before.

1st girl: "Streuth, my mouth feels like the bottom of a parrot's cage!"

2nd girl: "I'm not surprised, you had a cockatoo in there last night!"
1

Corny Joke Warning on 21:30 - Aug 30 with 3740 viewsOldPedro

My wife said she was leaving me because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking. And then I saw her face...


Just found out my uncle has left me a stately home in his will. I have no idea where Sod Hall is, I'm just off to Google it now!

Extra mature cheddar......a simple cheese for a simple man

3

Corny Joke Warning on 21:58 - Aug 30 with 3700 viewsEsox_Lucius

I walked past our local cemetery before work today and I saw someone I knew standing behind one of the headstones. "Morning" I shouted. "Nah, just having a sly piss" came the reply.
[Post edited 31 Aug 2018 10:13]

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

1

Corny Joke Warning on 22:06 - Aug 30 with 3687 views2Thomas2Bowles

Husband to wife
Fancy a shag
Wife, No I am seeing the gynecologist in the morning and I want to be fresh
Husband, You won't be seeing the dentist then

No To Mob Rule Leave Means Leave
Poll: What will the result of the GE be

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Corny Joke Warning on 22:11 - Aug 30 with 3683 viewsTW_R

Corny Joke Warning on 22:06 - Aug 30 by 2Thomas2Bowles

Husband to wife
Fancy a shag
Wife, No I am seeing the gynecologist in the morning and I want to be fresh
Husband, You won't be seeing the dentist then


I bought some dehydrated water, but i dont know what to add.
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Corny Joke Warning on 22:17 - Aug 30 with 3674 viewsBoston

What do you call bears with no ears?

B.

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

1

Corny Joke Warning on 22:18 - Aug 30 with 3670 viewsnorthampton_hoop

Two birds sat on a perch, one says to the other “can you smell fish?”
4
Corny Joke Warning on 22:43 - Aug 30 with 3645 views2Thomas2Bowles

Corny Joke Warning on 22:18 - Aug 30 by northampton_hoop

Two birds sat on a perch, one says to the other “can you smell fish?”


I went to Anfield the other day to watch a match. A scouse lad said, 'Can I mind your car for you mister?' I said, 'No! And for your information, there's a Rottweiler in the back.'

The lad said: 'Can he put out fires ?

No To Mob Rule Leave Means Leave
Poll: What will the result of the GE be

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Corny Joke Warning on 22:56 - Aug 30 with 3622 viewsDorse

What is the difference between a catfish and a Chelsea fan?
One is a scum-sucking bottom-dweller and the other is a catfish.
[Post edited 30 Aug 2018 22:57]

'What do we want? We don't know! When do we want it? Now!'

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Corny Joke Warning on 22:56 - Aug 30 with 3623 views2Thomas2Bowles

I crashed into the back of a car today a dwarf got out and said "I'm not happy" - so I said "which one are you then?"

No To Mob Rule Leave Means Leave
Poll: What will the result of the GE be

2

Corny Joke Warning on 23:21 - Aug 30 with 3595 views2Thomas2Bowles

Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road? Because it got stuck in a crack.

No To Mob Rule Leave Means Leave
Poll: What will the result of the GE be

1

Corny Joke Warning on 23:36 - Aug 30 with 3584 viewsnorthampton_hoop

What do you call a man with a seagull on his head? Cliff.
A man with a bit of wood on his head? Edwood.
A man stood between two houses? Ally
A man with no shin bones? Tony.
A women with one leg longer than the other? Ilean.
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Corny Joke Warning on 08:51 - Aug 31 with 3439 viewsMick_S

I saw a pair of knickers today - on the front it said, 'I would do anything for love' and on the back it said 'but I won't do that'" - Sarah Millican.

Conjunctivitis.com – that’s a site for sore eyes
[Post edited 31 Aug 2018 8:53]

Did I ever mention that I was in Minder?
Poll: Should Seann and Katya stay on Strictly Come Dancing?

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