Two blokes chatting about Formula 1 in a pub 1st guy. "What was the name of that driver whose face got burned in a crash"? 2nd guy. "Lauda" 1st guy. "WHAT WAS THE NAME OF THAT DRIVER WHOSE FACE GOT BURNED IN A CRASH"?
A supermarket security guard spots a little girl crying her eyes out in one of the aisles so he heads over. "Hey, hey little girl, what's the matter?" "I-I-I've lost my-my-my mummy" sobs the little 'un What's she like?" says the security guard "Big cocks and v-v-vodka".
Two blokes out hunting, it's a quiet day and one fellah decided he'd like a smoke but he hasn't got a light. He turns to the other chap and asks if he happened to have a match, "better", says his mate, "I've got a ten inch long Bic lighter". Chuffed, the geezer borrows it and happily puffs away, then asks "where'd ya get a lighter that size"? "Well", he replies, "I've got this genie in a bottle"...his mate, eyebrows raised, looks at him quizzically then asks, "really, can I make a wish"? "Sure", his mate replies,"but speak up, Abdul's a little deaf", so his his mate slowly says, "I'd like a million bucks". Puff, out of the bottle flies one million ducks. Bloke turns round and says, your effing genie's as deaf as a post, his mate replies,"I know, do you really think I asked for a ten inch Bic"?
Two flies kicking a bit of dirt around in a saucer One says to the other “We better play better than this tomorrow we are in the cup.
My nan dropped dead in Asda car park Ironic really she had just bought a bag for life.
Went to buy a budgie. The shop keeper pointed to 2 lines of cages. He said “Those at the bottom have to be paid for now, but those at the top you can pay in instalments. Because they are on higher perches
Corny Joke Warning on 17:02 - Sep 9 with 2858 views
Number :10 Golfer: "I think I'm going to drown myself in the lake." Caddy: "Think you can keep your head down that long?"
Number : 9 Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course." Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth."
Number : 8 Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?" Caddy: "Yes . . . . you miss the ball much closer now."
Number : 7 Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?" Caddy: "Eventually."
Number : 6 Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world." Caddy: "I don't think so . . . .That would be too much of a coincidence."
Number : 5 Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much of a distraction." Caddy: "It's not a watch . it's a compass."
Number : 4 Golfer: "How do you like my game?" Caddy: "It's very good . but personally, I prefer golf."
Number : 3 Golfer: "Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday? Caddy: "The way you play, it's a sin on any day."
Number : 2 Golfer: "This is the worst course I've ever played on." Caddy: "This isn't the golf course . . . . We left that an hour ago."
And the Number : 1 . . . . Best Caddy Comment: Golfer: "That can't be my ball, it's too old." Caddy: "It's been a long time since we tee'd off, sir."
Bonus . . . . . An old favorite . . . . . about the Golfer who has been slicing off the tee at every hole . . . . . He finally gives up and asks his long suffering caddy. . . . .
Golfer: "Can you see any obvious problems . . . .??" Caddy: "There's a piece of shit on the end of your club." Golfer: He picks up his club up and cleans the club face . . . . . Caddy: "No sir, it's at the other end"