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Corny Joke Warning 16:56 - Aug 29 with 92343 viewsBoston

What vehicle do electricians prefer to drive?

A Volts Wagon.

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

2

Corny Joke Warning on 16:02 - Sep 7 with 3579 viewsEsox_Lucius

Our local Indian restaurant had to close down when the chef became incapacitated; he fell into a korma.

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

1
Corny Joke Warning on 16:11 - Sep 7 with 3561 viewsLblock

Corny Joke Warning on 16:02 - Sep 7 by Esox_Lucius

Our local Indian restaurant had to close down when the chef became incapacitated; he fell into a korma.


I know the place....

They've just put a new curry on the menu -- it's a Chicken Tarka

Just like chicken tikka.... but a little otter

Here for a good time..... not a long time

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Corny Joke Warning on 16:37 - Sep 7 with 3541 viewsade_qpr

"Well..."




That's a deep subject.

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

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Corny Joke Warning on 16:41 - Sep 7 with 3541 viewsBoston

Last year I decided to invest in medical marijuana, I’m delighted to report stocks have got really high.

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

0
Corny Joke Warning on 16:42 - Sep 7 with 3534 viewsBoston

Corny Joke Warning on 16:37 - Sep 7 by ade_qpr

"Well..."




That's a deep subject.


Wishing.

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

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Corny Joke Warning on 19:27 - Sep 7 with 3464 viewsEsox_Lucius

Two blokes chatting about Formula 1 in a pub
1st guy. "What was the name of that driver whose face got burned in a crash"?
2nd guy. "Lauda"
1st guy. "WHAT WAS THE NAME OF THAT DRIVER WHOSE FACE GOT BURNED IN A CRASH"?
[Post edited 8 Sep 2018 10:27]

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

3

Corny Joke Warning on 19:54 - Sep 7 with 3449 viewsEsox_Lucius

A supermarket security guard spots a little girl crying her eyes out in one of the aisles so he heads over.
"Hey, hey little girl, what's the matter?"
"I-I-I've lost my-my-my mummy" sobs the little 'un
What's she like?" says the security guard
"Big cocks and v-v-vodka".

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

6

Corny Joke Warning on 20:36 - Sep 7 with 3419 viewsEsox_Lucius

I was offered a job assembling computer keyboards but I turned it down because I didn't want to do shifts.

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

0
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Corny Joke Warning on 20:44 - Sep 7 with 3418 viewsqprxtc

Two partially deaf blokes, Bob and Benn, go to a pub.

Bob says to Benn: “You ged a sead an dables, I’ll get de round din”

Benn: “What?”

Bob: “I said, You ged a sead an dables, I’ll get de round din”

Benn: “Oh, riighr, ill ged a dable and seads, you fed the beers in”

Bob: “what?”

Benn: “oh fu(k off to the bar”

Bob: “Alright, I fu(kin heard ya”

Bob goes to the bar and orders two pints of Fosters. Barman comes back and says “Here you go mate, that’s £12.80”

Bob “Eh”

Barman “Eh, what”

Bob “What?”

Barman: “Eh?”

Bob: “How much did up say dat was”

Barman: “£12.80 mate”

Bob: “ I fought that’s what you said, that’s a bit fu(Kim steep init”

Barman: “Yeah, well you see we’ve got some entertainment on tonight. So had to put the prices up a bit to cover it”

Bob: “Eh?”

Barman: “I said. ...,”

Bob: “ Oh, what sort of entertainment is it then?”

Barman: “A bit of music mate”

Bob: “ooh we like music. What kind? punk ruk”

Barman: “Er, no mate not punk rock”

Bob: “Oh is it disco?”

Barman: “no. Look it some Country and Western”

Bob: “WHAT??”

Barman; “I said....”

Bob: “I HEARD YOU”

Bob stomps off back and finds Benn the sead and dable.

Benn: “Wvere da fu(k you bim”

Bob: “Wvat”

Benn: “I sead where da fu(k you bim”

Bob: “I bim up da bar. £12.80 those two pints”

Benn: “WHAT?”

Bob: “I Sed..”

Benn: “i fu(kimheard ya, why so much?”

Bob: “oh, dey got some enterdainment on”

Benn: “Oh rilly, wit dirt of enterdainment?”

Bob: “Mudic”

Benn: “Moodic, great. Is it punk ruk?”

Bob: “Nah mate, it ain’t punk ruk”

Benn: “Oh, is it disco, den?”

Bob: “Nah not disco”

Benn: “Oh...wot is it den?”

Bob: “I dunno. Some cun£ from Preston”.
1

Corny Joke Warning on 01:22 - Sep 8 with 3320 viewsBoston

Two blokes out hunting, it's a quiet day and one fellah decided he'd like a smoke but he hasn't got a light.
He turns to the other chap and asks if he happened to have a match, "better", says his mate, "I've got a ten inch long Bic lighter".
Chuffed, the geezer borrows it and happily puffs away, then asks "where'd ya get a lighter that size"?
"Well", he replies, "I've got this genie in a bottle"...his mate, eyebrows raised, looks at him quizzically then asks, "really, can I make a wish"?
"Sure", his mate replies,"but speak up, Abdul's a little deaf", so his his mate slowly says, "I'd like a million bucks". Puff, out of the bottle flies one million ducks.
Bloke turns round and says, your effing genie's as deaf as a post, his mate replies,"I know, do you really think I asked for a ten inch Bic"?

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

3

Corny Joke Warning on 01:28 - Sep 8 with 3314 viewsBoston

If money is the root of all evil......then why are churches always asking for donations?

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

1

Corny Joke Warning on 03:55 - Sep 8 with 3288 viewsBazzaInTheLoft

Did you hear about the man who stuck 5 toy horses up his arse?

Doctors describe his condition as Stable.
3

Corny Joke Warning on 08:14 - Sep 8 with 3238 viewstimcocking

-1
Corny Joke Warning on 11:07 - Sep 8 with 3179 viewsLblock

Corny Joke Warning on 08:14 - Sep 8 by timcocking



Best one yet!!!


Here for a good time..... not a long time

2

Corny Joke Warning on 14:58 - Sep 8 with 3113 viewsBoston

What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

Slow down, possibly use a lubricant.
[Post edited 8 Sep 2018 14:59]

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

0

Corny Joke Warning on 10:03 - Sep 9 with 2975 viewsEsox_Lucius

I need to re-home a dog. It's a small terrier, and tends to bark a lot.

If you're interested, let me know and I'll jump over next door's fence and get it for you.

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

0

Corny Joke Warning on 11:18 - Sep 9 with 2942 viewsEsox_Lucius

They found the man who invented remote controls yesterday, he was down the side of a sofa.

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

0

Corny Joke Warning on 16:38 - Sep 9 with 2867 viewswelwynranger

What car does a cowboy drive.
AUDI

Two flies kicking a bit of dirt around in a saucer
One says to the other “We better play better than this tomorrow we are in the cup.

My nan dropped dead in Asda car park
Ironic really she had just bought a bag for life.

Went to buy a budgie. The shop keeper pointed to 2 lines of cages.
He said “Those at the bottom have to be paid for now, but those at the top you can pay in instalments. Because they are on higher perches
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Corny Joke Warning on 17:02 - Sep 9 with 2858 viewsPlanetHonneywood

The wife was doing a clear out of her wardrobe and proudly said, ‘Look darling, this still fits me after 25 years!’

I replied, ‘It’s a fcuking scarf!’

'Always In Motion' by John Honney available on amazon.co.uk We are QataRs!

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Corny Joke Warning on 12:29 - Sep 10 with 2722 viewsEsox_Lucius

I was driving down to Chiswick the other day and as I approached it I noticed I was driving on sheets of paper and not tarmac. It took me a moment before I realised that I was now on the A4.

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

2

Corny Joke Warning on 00:50 - Sep 11 with 2626 viewsjohncharles

Young couple next door have made a sex video,
They haven’t seen it yet ....

Strong and stable my arse.

3

Corny Joke Warning on 13:33 - Sep 11 with 2550 viewsEsox_Lucius

Best Golf Caddy Responses

Number :10
Golfer: "I think I'm going to drown myself in the lake."
Caddy: "Think you can keep your head down that long?"

Number : 9
Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course."
Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth."

Number : 8
Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?"
Caddy: "Yes . . . . you miss the ball much closer now."

Number : 7
Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?"
Caddy: "Eventually."

Number : 6
Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world."
Caddy: "I don't think so . . . .That would be too much of a coincidence."

Number : 5
Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much of a distraction."
Caddy: "It's not a watch . it's a compass."

Number : 4
Golfer: "How do you like my game?"
Caddy: "It's very good . but personally, I prefer golf."

Number : 3
Golfer: "Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?
Caddy: "The way you play, it's a sin on any day."

Number : 2
Golfer: "This is the worst course I've ever played on."
Caddy: "This isn't the golf course . . . . We left that an hour ago."

And the Number : 1 . . . . Best Caddy Comment:
Golfer: "That can't be my ball, it's too old."
Caddy: "It's been a long time since we tee'd off, sir."

Bonus . . . . .
An old favorite . . . . . about the Golfer who has been slicing off the tee at every hole . . . . .
He finally gives up and asks his long suffering caddy. . . . .

Golfer: "Can you see any obvious problems . . . .??"
Caddy: "There's a piece of shit on the end of your club."
Golfer: He picks up his club up and cleans the club face . . . . .
Caddy: "No sir, it's at the other end"

The grass is always greener.
Poll: Could or do you go to watch QPR without having a drink or recreational drugs?

1

Corny Joke Warning on 14:18 - Sep 11 with 2533 viewshopphoops

Two guys on a park bench.

First guy: "You got a light son?"

Second guy: "No, I'm a black man."

A magnificent football club, the love of our lives, finding a way to finally have its day in the sun.
Poll: When will the next election date be announced?

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Corny Joke Warning on 14:40 - Sep 11 with 2520 viewsdontknowitall

My wife is doing an experiment which is wearing a Chel**** shirt for a week to get people's reactions. So far she has been kicked, punched and spat on!

Goodness knows whats gonna happen when she leaves the house.......
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Corny Joke Warning on 14:48 - Sep 11 with 2504 viewsBathRanger

I've deleted all the German contacts off my phone.

It's now Hans free.
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