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Funniest Song Lyrics 07:55 - Sep 24 with 5299 viewsWokingR

Nearly crashed the car laughing after hearing Missy Elliot sing
"Call before you come, cos I got to shave my choocha"
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Funniest Song Lyrics on 08:16 - Sep 24 with 3954 viewsFDC

But sometimes I feel more fulfilled
Making Christmas cards with the mentally ill
I want to live and I want to love
I want to catch something that I might be ashamed of
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Funniest Song Lyrics on 09:19 - Sep 24 with 3870 viewsconnell10

Funniest Song Lyrics on 08:16 - Sep 24 by FDC

But sometimes I feel more fulfilled
Making Christmas cards with the mentally ill
I want to live and I want to love
I want to catch something that I might be ashamed of


and the pain was enough to make a shy ,bald, Buddhist reflect and plan a mass murder!

AND WHEN I DREAM , I DREAM ABOUT YOU AND WHEN I SCREAM I SCREAM ABOUT YOU!!!!!
Poll: best number 10 ever?

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Funniest Song Lyrics on 09:31 - Sep 24 with 3851 viewsBuckR

Laid by James surely wins this hands down! Whole song is genius
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Funniest Song Lyrics on 10:27 - Sep 24 with 3780 viewsEsox_Lucius

Funniest Song Lyrics on 09:31 - Sep 24 by BuckR

Laid by James surely wins this hands down! Whole song is genius


Either "Restless Legs" or "27 Yards of Dental Floss" by Half Man Half Biscuit.

The grass is always greener.

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Funniest Song Lyrics on 10:44 - Sep 24 with 3745 viewsSilverfoxqpr

Mclusky - Gareth Brown Says

"All your friends are c*nts, your mother is a ballpoint pen thief"

Best opening line to a song ever, amen.
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Funniest Song Lyrics on 10:46 - Sep 24 with 3738 viewsMetallica_Hoop

Steel Panther 'Gang bang at the old folks home' is pretty good.

'Asian hooker' too.

Beer and Beef has made us what we are - The Prince Regent

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Funniest Song Lyrics on 11:39 - Sep 24 with 3687 viewsOrthodox_Hoop

The 'Ballad of Jimi Hendrix' by S.O.D always makes me chuckle.

In fact, most of S.O.D's songs do.
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Funniest Song Lyrics on 11:43 - Sep 24 with 3679 viewsMick_S

Life. This is profound from Desree:


Mmm, yeah yeah yeah
Oh yeah, yeah yeah
Oh life, oh life

I'm afraid of the dark
Especially when I'm in a park
And there's no one else around
Ooh, I get the shivers

I don't want to see a ghost
It's a sight that I fear most
I'd rather have a piece of toast
And watch the evening news.

Did I ever mention that I was in Minder?

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Funniest Song Lyrics on 12:10 - Sep 24 with 3643 viewsTacticalR

So long to my dog Snickers
Who ate Christmas tinsel
So long to Mr. Whiskers
Who jumped out of a window
And to the family of gerbils
Who chewed out of the cage
And the little brown rabbit
I ran over by mistake

So long to the goldfish
Who ate each other's tails
So long to the chipmunk
Trapped under the stairs
So long to the rosebush
I never watered
And to whatever was inside
That hole that I raked over

So long to the seagull
I hit with a rock
So long to the squirrel
I accidentally shot
And to everything I burned
With a magnifying glass
That long lonely summer
When I was only ten

So long, so long
I'll see you on the other side
So long, so long
I'll see you on the other side

Handsome Family, So Long

Air hostess clique

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Funniest Song Lyrics on 13:17 - Sep 24 with 3555 viewsNoDiddley

Not heard of any of them apart from James.
For all you old timers it’s Ernie The fastest milkman by Benny Hill
I said “Do you want it pasteurised because pasteurised is best”
She said “Ernie I’ll be happy if it comes up to my chest”
Classic
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Funniest Song Lyrics on 14:04 - Sep 24 with 3504 viewsEsox_Lucius

Jesus Christ come on down!
If you ever wondered how
You get triangles from a cow
You need butter, milk and cheese
And an equilateral chainsaw
In debt I owe someone a fiver
Maybe I should try my hand at drag
James Dean was just a careless driver
And Marilyn Monroe was just a slag
99% of gargoyles look like Bob Todd
99% of gargoyles look like Bob Todd
99% of gargoyles look like Bob Todd
99% of gargoyles look like Bob Todd
Mary had a little lamb
The doctors were astounded
Everywhere she went
Gynaecologists surrounded
They've been cooking on Blue Peter
Now they're sampling the dishes
"I don't normally like tomatoes, John
But this is delicious"
99% of gargoyles look like Bob Todd ...

The grass is always greener.

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Funniest Song Lyrics on 14:31 - Sep 24 with 3470 viewsPinnerPaul

Edited to show whole (correct!) Chorus


There's a guy works down the chip shop swears he's Elvis
Just like you swore to me that you'd be true
There's a guy works down the chip shop swears he's Elvis
But he's a liar and I'm not sure about you




[Post edited 24 Sep 2019 15:09]
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Funniest Song Lyrics on 14:32 - Sep 24 with 3468 viewsjohncharles

Your mother’s got a penis

Goldie looking chain

Strong and stable my arse.

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Funniest Song Lyrics on 15:46 - Sep 24 with 3404 viewsEsox_Lucius

Simple but both amusing and deeply moving.
"Once upon a time at home
I sat beside the telephone
Waiting for someone to pull me through
When at last it didn't ring, I knew it wasn't you"

The grass is always greener.

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Funniest Song Lyrics on 16:12 - Sep 24 with 3374 viewsCiderwithRsie

Funniest Song Lyrics on 15:46 - Sep 24 by Esox_Lucius

Simple but both amusing and deeply moving.
"Once upon a time at home
I sat beside the telephone
Waiting for someone to pull me through
When at last it didn't ring, I knew it wasn't you"


Kirstie McColl was great and I've not played any of her stuff for years. Time to dig it out my old CDs
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Funniest Song Lyrics on 16:17 - Sep 24 with 3367 viewsCliveWilsonSaid

Neil Armstrong
Astronaut
He had balls bigger than King Kong!
Fay Wray!
First big suit on the moon
And he starts to play golf!
Hole-in-one!

Poll: Expectations for this season?

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Funniest Song Lyrics on 16:26 - Sep 24 with 3343 viewsCroydonCaptJack

I never thought it would happen
with me and the girl from Clapham.
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Funniest Song Lyrics on 16:34 - Sep 24 with 3331 viewsTacticalR

When the rain comes tumbling down
In the country or the town,
All good little girls and boys
Stay at home and mind their toys.
Robert thought: 'No, when it pours,
It is better out of doors.'

Heinrich Hoffmann, Flying Robert
https://germanstories.vcu.edu/struwwel/robert_e.html


Air hostess clique

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Funniest Song Lyrics on 20:24 - Sep 24 with 3195 viewsHAYESBOY


Smells like a trout farm in here

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Funniest Song Lyrics on 23:01 - Sep 24 with 3108 viewsBoston


Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

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Funniest Song Lyrics on 00:04 - Sep 25 with 3070 viewsDannyPaddox

Son I’m thirty
I only went with your mother cos she’s dirty
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Funniest Song Lyrics on 00:27 - Sep 25 with 3058 viewsPeterHucker

Half Man Half Biscuit, McLusky, Handsome Family and the late great Kirsty.
This is my kind of thread.
Anyone see McLusky on the recent tour? Brilliant.

Here's another Handsome Family one that I think is very funny.....


Also The Burning Hell have loads of funny lyrics, here's an example.....

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Funniest Song Lyrics on 20:30 - Sep 25 with 2861 viewswelwynranger

Edgar Broughto Band
Apache Dropout

I think that I love her cos I fancy her mother
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Funniest Song Lyrics on 21:00 - Sep 25 with 2838 viewsdezzar

Funniest Song Lyrics on 14:04 - Sep 24 by Esox_Lucius

Jesus Christ come on down!
If you ever wondered how
You get triangles from a cow
You need butter, milk and cheese
And an equilateral chainsaw
In debt I owe someone a fiver
Maybe I should try my hand at drag
James Dean was just a careless driver
And Marilyn Monroe was just a slag
99% of gargoyles look like Bob Todd
99% of gargoyles look like Bob Todd
99% of gargoyles look like Bob Todd
99% of gargoyles look like Bob Todd
Mary had a little lamb
The doctors were astounded
Everywhere she went
Gynaecologists surrounded
They've been cooking on Blue Peter
Now they're sampling the dishes
"I don't normally like tomatoes, John
But this is delicious"
99% of gargoyles look like Bob Todd ...


HMHB
If i had claustrophobia
if i had agrophobia

stuck in my font porch

or

theres a man with a mullet gone mad with a mallet in millets

too many to mention
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Funniest Song Lyrics on 22:26 - Sep 25 with 2797 viewsEsox_Lucius

Funniest Song Lyrics on 21:00 - Sep 25 by dezzar

HMHB
If i had claustrophobia
if i had agrophobia

stuck in my font porch

or

theres a man with a mullet gone mad with a mallet in millets

too many to mention


It's not like you've been captured, by Barbary Corsairs.

The grass is always greener.

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