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Despite our best efforts.... 15:37 - Sep 15 with 6525 views

Fans of crisis club bury were left reeling today following an investigation from the Football League, who were concerned that the stricken club had simply given up on ever holding their AGM. Deadline after deadline has elapsed, with spurious excuses offered as to why “at this particular time for legal reasons” the meeting cannot take place.

It has come as a blow to supporters of the basement outfit, who were keen to inspect the new carpet, furniture, and posters of footballing greats that their new Chairman had put up.

Fans were also left scratching their heads about who actually owns the club and the shares. Little information was available about whether Stuart Day, their new Chairman, had actually had his cheque book on him when he walked in off the street during the Summer of 2013. Furthermore, a large chunk of the shares in the club are held by Forever bury, the Trust outfit who are run in a portakabin on the Gigg Lane car park.

Oh the irony.

EGP decided to send out several investigators even though leads were in short supply.

A chance meeting in a local pub led to one fan insisting he had written to the club asking pertinent questions. He said, “it were that good a letter what we wrote, the bury Times published it. But we’ve heard nowt back since. All we want to know is who owns the club and where is the money coming from.”

EGP’s legal arm received a tip off that answers maybe forthcoming from a Solicitors outfit in Manchester operating under the name of Ratio Law (We know that sounds like some Tekken character on the PS4 game, but we thought we’d follow the tip anyway). We hopped on the Metrolink to quiz partner, and bury Director, Gisella Alberici. We even took along the bloke who used to help out the Southampton Manager on Match of the Day last season, just in case.

After negotiating a very prickly receptionist we were finally admitted into a meeting room and were faced with a mastermind chair facing away from us. As we sat down the chair rotated to face us and we have to admit we were surprised to see Ms. Alberici stroking a lovely pussy.

A prickly pussy?

She hissed at us, “I was expecting you EGP...why are you poking your noses into things that are not your business? Are you obsessed?” We explained that we were operating on behalf of the loyal bury fans who were impotent in their quest for answers.

We asked why the AGM was being continuously postponed and delayed to the point that most fans had decided they weren’t going to bother with one at all. To be fair, she gave a detailed answer. “We cannot have the AGM until we’ve sold off all the car parking spaces. When we’ve flogged all them, we still won’t be able to have one as there will be nowhere for the fans to park. I bet that fan in the pub didn’t tell you we had a Fan’s Forum in the summer. We held it in Tenerife so they could get a nice tan at the same time.’

“Before we publish any figures, we do need to attract further investment however. Number 1 (who we assumed meant Stuart Day and not someone called Bradley either) has got another investment opportunity he’s quite literally about to roll out. For £4,995 fans can own a single sheet of toilet paper which they can lease out time and time again. With all the shit that bury fans come out with, they’ll make at least an 8% return and in five year’s time, when their little square of paper can’t take anymore shit, we’ll buy it back off them for £5,495. Our game is extortion. Number 1 will be able to give you more details.”

Like printing money...

With that in mind, EGP hot-footed it through Newhey, over the hills and into Huddersfield to Doris’ house in Scammonden. Unfortunately Stuart was out. His Mum said, “he’ll be back in a bit. He’s got into a bit of trouble at school, he’s doing detention. Apparently he’s been lending money off his school mates and not giving it them back.”

We waited patiently, and sure enough, the plumpster popped up wearing his school uniform and sporting a black eye.

We ignored his injuries and cut straight to the point. “Is there to be an AGM in bury?”

In a soft Bishop Auckland accent he replied, “No. There’s a B, a U, a R and a Y. There’s definitely no A, G or M.”

We tried again “No Stewie, An AGM, this ain’t a spelling test...”

“Another Ground Mortgage?.... Master Day replied.

Realising, that we had to deal with the lowest common denominator here, we tried again. “Is there going to be an Annual General Meeting at Bury Football Club this year?”

Breaking into a smile Mr Day exclaimed, “Wahay man. You’ve come all this way to ask me that?”

We explained that we’d only come 15 miles and we would have written, but thought we wouldn’t get an answer.

With the question remaining unanswered, there was an awkward silence of 2 minutes where everyone just stared at each other.

The silence was broken when the young entrepreneur exclaimed, “Did you see our second goal at Carlisle? What a corker. One of the Carlisle Directors told me we were the best team to have visited Brunton Park. Ever.”

We tried to pin the excitable Chairman down. (Not physically obviously, he’s a big lad you know). “Where is the money coming from for this Revolution?”

“Oh. That’s easy. We’re attracting significant investment from our car park. I had a meeting with Nick Leeson yesterday, now he’s out of prison, and he’s coming on board to attract fund Managers to invest people’s pensions in the car park. We plan on selling off the toilet paper too, and then we’ll look at the sauce bottles and the pint pots...everything...for instance we are really excited about our SOS scheme which we expect to introduce next January... The Share Our Sugar plan, we expect to be a real generator of cash. Plus there are other significant sponsorship deals we have attracted, like naming the ground the JD Stadium, it’s not the sports company that has taken up the deal you know, it’s a loan company call Just Debt. And there’s all these concerts we’re going to host. Plus, I’ve been told there’s some boxer fellow, Jez Quigley I think, who’s pretty good, so he’ll need a big famous old venue to stage his fights.

A Jim McDonald rematch at Gigg? A Rumble in the Giggle?

When he sees our new furniture and our joined up corners, he’ll be hiring the place out every time he has a scrap. I’m sure he’ll choose The Just Debt stadium over piddly little places like the MEN arena and the City of Manchester stadium..... We’ll even let him use the scoreboard, and our car parking spaces... obviously.”

Apparently, not enough car parking spaces.

And so, a dejected EGP team reconvened to EGP Towers to dissect the information we had gathered. Despite sending our best reporters, they had been unable to actually get to the bottom of what the hell is going on at the stricken club. At every corner, smoke and mirrors were used plus bigger deflections than the one which cost their League One neighbours a deserved point at Bramall Lane.

If the AGM ever does happen, our undercover team will be on hand to record it with one of those cameras stuffed in a JD bag (yes, the sports company) like what Donal MacIntyre used to use.

DON’T HAVE NIGHTMARES. WE WILL BE BACK.

[Post edited 15 Sep 2014 15:47]

They write themselves!

Despite our best efforts.... on 20:19 - Sep 15 with 2137 views

BigDaveMyCock

Despite our best efforts.... on 20:02 - Sep 15 by SuddenLad
Thanks for the explanation. So the ball of sh1t gets larger as it rolls along ! Oh dear, oh dear. ðŸ˜‰

No probs. The whole situation is very odd. An institution would normally want all the existing charges cleared before it was to lend such a large amounts as they will want first dibs on the property and assets etc.

Poll:

Was the Incredible Hulk a sh!thouse?

Despite our best efforts.... on 21:59 - Sep 15 with 2009 views

100notout

Despite our best efforts.... on 20:19 - Sep 15 by BigDaveMyCock
No probs. The whole situation is very odd. An institution would normally want all the existing charges cleared before it was to lend such a large amounts as they will want first dibs on the property and assets etc.

Unless of course all the lenders were in fact all connected.

#smokeandmirrors

Poll:

So who do you believe - Hendo or the Board?

Despite our best efforts.... on 07:00 - Sep 16 with 1883 views

aleanddale

Despite our best efforts.... on 20:02 - Sep 15 by SuddenLad
Thanks for the explanation. So the ball of sh1t gets larger as it rolls along ! Oh dear, oh dear. ðŸ˜‰

That basically sums it up!! ha ha.

it will be ok though as all of our shaker friends are like ostrich's - Head in the sand and

#enjoyingtheride

[Post edited 16 Sep 2014 7:02]

Despite our best efforts.... on 08:56 - Sep 16 with 1807 views

PDIDDY

Despite our best efforts.... on 07:00 - Sep 16 by aleanddale
That basically sums it up!! ha ha. it will be ok though as all of our shaker friends are like ostrich's - Head in the sand and #enjoyingtheride [Post edited 16 Sep 2014 7:02]

ALL? seriously what can any fan do about what MIGHT. Be going on?

Gissa job

Despite our best efforts.... on 09:32 - Sep 16 with 1775 views

ParkinsGimp

You must be really twitchy tho PDiddy ?

Despite our best efforts.... on 09:43 - Sep 16 with 1764 views

PDIDDY

Despite our best efforts.... on 09:32 - Sep 16 by ParkinsGimp
You must be really twitchy tho PDiddy ?

Tbh, fentons regime had us on hold for grass seed last year, unpaid invoices popping up just weeks ago, nobody on here or on the bury message board know what's going on, it's all guess work. If all went t its up I would obviously miss the club, but to let it ruin your life is a little bit sad. I've met day and Thomas plenty of times they seem top blokes, what's the point in asking them questions (my free away tickets will stop) they will spill when they want to or when they have to.. UTS

Gissa job

Despite our best efforts.... on 09:55 - Sep 16 with 1755 views

aleanddale

Despite our best efforts.... on 08:56 - Sep 16 by PDIDDY
ALL? seriously what can any fan do about what MIGHT. Be going on?

Ow do Didds,

I partially agree you were in the shit and beggars cant be choosers ect.....

But...

1. The Enjoy the ride mentality is all fine and dandy when your oooing and ahhing zooming along, when the brakes fail and the end of the track is looming will these people remember they made the choice!!

2. Why is the love in continuing with Day why isnt he brought to account by fans on a match day or can the disconsenters not get close to him as he is surrounded by the love in fan club?

If it was Dale i would buy the closest seat to the directors box and make sure my thoughts were heard loud and clear.

How many times has your AGM date been moved now? is it planned anytime soon?

I heard something very interesting at the weekend from somebody who is heavily involved with Peel Holdings as a building sub contractor but i will keep my powder dry just for the time being!!

I doubt there will be professional football played on Giggle by the start of the 2016/17 season let alone Championship football.

#Housingestate

Despite our best efforts.... on 10:12 - Sep 16 with 1735 views

PDIDDY

Despite our best efforts.... on 09:55 - Sep 16 by aleanddale

Pm me your peel findings

Gissa job

Despite our best efforts.... on 17:46 - Sep 16 with 1574 views

aleanddale

I cant / wont do that Didds.

There is an element of confidence i engaged in.

What I heard would not be the end of bURY FC but it would involve a move away from Giggle to make way for Housing.

I guess it boils down to ambition and what the home fans REALLY want and are prepared to accept.

I know 100% i couldnt engage in championship football for Dale in a concrete bowl on Sandbrook.

Give me Spotland and even conference football over that any day ( and i truly mean that ).

Burnden to Middlebrook is an example that can be studied carefully but the debate as to if it is / was / will be a success is very debatable.

Despite our best efforts.... on 18:23 - Sep 16 with 1552 views

ColDale

Despite our best efforts.... on 17:46 - Sep 16 by aleanddale

That sort of move could work - look at Shrewsbury (tho I'd personally take Gay Meadow every day of the week). The off field takings could transform a club. But why the need to be secretive about it?

Despite our best efforts.... on 18:41 - Sep 16 with 1536 views

nordenblue

Despite our best efforts.... on 18:23 - Sep 16 by ColDale
That sort of move could work - look at Shrewsbury (tho I'd personally take Gay Meadow every day of the week). The off field takings could transform a club. But why the need to be secretive about it?

You'd personally take a gay meadow, that just sounds a little bit wrong col

Despite our best efforts.... on 19:28 - May 25 with 744 views

EGP

We were taking the piss as far back as 2014. Five years on and little has been cleared up.

They write themselves!

Despite our best efforts.... on 19:41 - May 25 with 700 views

kel

Bizarre, I was reading this thread back just the other week.

Sterling work.

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