By BBC journalist Simon Pebble.
Fans of recently-rocked club Rochdale, were left scratching their heads after former Chief Executive, David Bottomley, was reported as a missing person.
The once jovial maestro, it was thought, had sold his Saddleworth home, and fled the area following a recent acrimonious end to his time with the League Two club. A Zoopla search revealed he was the only person in Saddleworth to sell his property for less than he paid for it this decade. £1000 in this case.
Police were alerted to his disappearance when it became clear that his Linkedin profile had been hacked. “Professional Director” was amongst the absurd claims made whilst he also touted himself as an expert Consultant to the Football Industry — particularly at elite level.
Initial Police enquiries led Detective Inspector Roger Bull to the Crown Oil Arena. Initially he was frustrated by the absurd Bottomley Barrier preventing access, but he finally gained access to grill the club’s Board of Directors.
They too were concerned saying they’d heard nothing from the erstwhile employee and offered their unreserved help. When asked if they could supply the name of any person they thought may have had a hand in Bottomley’s disappearance, they dutifully handed over the club database of 3000 fans and a written note which said “a nutter from Essex. Two Rottweilers called Puggles and Jingles, a car dealer from Worksop, and a weird bloke who used to be on the Board at Charlton, plus some Scouse scally from the Wirral.
Bull was so astonished at there being so many potential assailants, that he immediately ordered the divers into the canal. An extensive search only resulted in two Kwik Save trollies and a few johnnies being found.
Following fruitless enquiries at Saddleworth Golf Club, Police discovered a burned- out Range Rover on the hills above Dobcross, so badly damaged they were unable to identify it via its V.I.N. number.
The BBC were told the Police then decided to interview the Essex wide boy who is currently £1.2 million pounds out of pocket due the the failure of the Bottomley ruse to squirrel 51% of the club’s shares into the hands of the Essex Kray.
When questioned, he referred to Bottomley as the “nancy boy who couldn’t give a door a bang” and said that whilst he was frustrated with events, he “should have realised Bottomley was too small-minded to be of any real significance”.
The Police received a tip-off that whilst sightings of Bottomley were rarer than those of the Great Crested Willow Tit, one thing could be sure. AFC Fylde had recently advertised for a new Chief Exec, and it was nailed on that Bottomley would have applied believing himself to be a shoe-in.
A rare tit
A spokesman for Fylde confirmed this to be true, but the application had Fylde officials in stitches due to the exaggerations in his C.V. “We were going to keep it for its comic content, but we threw it away and with it went his contact details” the official chuckled.
Bottomley looks on in horror as Fylde Directors react to his C.V.
The Police also contacted the Rochdale RDA on whose Board Bottomley had once proudly sat. When revelations of Bottomley’s wrongdoings surfaced at The Dale his departure from this organisation was quickly hastened. No-one at RDA has heard of him since. One Director told the BBC, “I’m amazed we haven’t heard from him as he kept telling us he was going to improve communications.”
Police have advised women, should they spot the known-womaniser-Bottomley in a bar, or pub, to go to the bar and “Ask for Angela”.
This is a new initiative. Women who feel unsafe, vulnerable or threatened, can discreetly seek help by approaching venue staff and asking them for 'Angela'. This code-phrase will indicate to staff that they require help with their situation and a trained member of staff will then look to support and assist them.
Meanwhile the BBC understands the Police are urging the general public to keep alert, look out for Bottomley, and to alert the authorities if they see anything suspicious or unusual, like a middle-aged, smug looking tvvat hiding in a tree,
The higher they go, the harder they fall.
or a deranged man claiming to be something he clearly isn’t, wasn’t, or never will be.
DON’T HAVE NIGHTMARES. WE’LL BE BACK!
|  |
By continuing to use the site, you agree to our use of cookies and to abide by our Terms and Conditions.
