Virgil Van Dijk has been advised by Gerry Marsden (Out of Gerry & The Pacemakers) to chain himself to The Mersey Ferry in order to force nasty draconian Southampton to sell him to Liverpool.
Gerry Marsden (Out of Gerry & The Pacemakers) has urged Virgil Van Dijk to take drastic action in order to free himself from his bondage to Southampton FC who are, in Gerry's (Of Gerry & The Pacemakers) eyes unfairly asking him to honour the last five years of a six year contract at least for another season.
Speaking to Merseyside radio station WehatemanchesterFM Gerry (Out of Gerry & The Pacemakers) allegedly said.
" In today's modern game it's like going back to slavery building the Pyramids in ancient Egypt asking a player to stay at a club on only £85k a week when he could be earning twice that at Anfield."
" Back in the 60's Van Dijk would have wanted to come and play for the Red's for half his money such was the pull of Shankly and The Beatles, times have changed though we have had to accept that and we do so by offering derisory transfer fee's so Southampton should have to accept they are a feeder club to Liverpool and let their players go when we say so not when it suits them"
"If Virgil wants to come then he should do what i did back in 1962 and use the Mersey Ferry to further his cause, I would suggest he chains himself to it to attract maximum publicity to the fact that he is being held to ransom"
Gerry (Out of Gerry & The Pacemakers) continued.
"Virgil should have a big plaque saying"
"Life goes on day after day
Hearts torn in every way
So ferry 'cross the Mersey
'Cause this land's the place I love
And here I'll stay "
"This would show how much he loves Liverpool and people around every corner they would then seem to smile and say we don't care what your name is boy just tell Southampton to do one and stay"
In fact shocking evidence has emerged that Virgil has already met with Jergun Klopp on the Mersey Ferry itself to discuss plans as to where would be best to position himself on the Ferry as shown in the picture below, taken secretly using a concealed camera by an Evertonian.
We asked Mersey Ferries Ltd for a comment but all they would say is "That Gerry Marsden (Out of Gerry & The Pacemakers) is always telling people to chain themselves to one of our ferries usually when he has that record out again, it is a very irresponsible thing to do, however if he (Van Dijk) does it and anyone wants to come and see him he will be at Pierhead on the hour every hour weather permitting"
The reality of the situation is that the Virgil Van Dijk situation is now getting out of hand as Liverpool resort more and more to using minor Merseyside celebrities to try and force Saints hand, so far they have only resorted to Mickey Quinn, John Aldridge and now Gerry Marsden (Out of Gerry & The Pacemakers) but it seems that they are prepared to go much much further.
The Ugly Inside has discovered through our Merseyside contacts that Liverpool FC are preparing to roll out the heavyweight professional Scousers, John Bishop will be doing a one off special in his chat show series, In Conversation with Virgil Van Dijk ! Likewise Sir Ken Dodd will be at the Empire with "Ken Dodd & The Dijkymen".
But that is just the start Steven Gerrard is expected to issue a papal bull against Saints any day and Sir Paul McCartney reform Wings, but the showpiece will be a re release of Valerie by Scouse giants The Zutons with specially commissioned lyrics and Jurgen Klopp on vocals .
Well sometimes I go out by myself
And I look across the water
And I think of the Mersey Ferry , what you're doing
And what you oughta
'Cause since our season's ended
Well our PR's been a mess
And we've missed your Dreadlocked hair
And the way you like to dress
Won't you come on over
Stop making a fool out of me
Why don't you come on over Virgil Van D
Virgil Van D
Virgil Van D
Virgil Van D Etc
Coming Next Liverpool stamp their feet, hold their breath and squeam and squeam until Saints give in!
NB The Ugly Inside would like to point out that this is done in the name of comedy and Scousers are known for their sense of humour, that being the case we will only accept abuse with every sentence ending in "La" and anything resembling Norwegian or Danish will be ignored.