The Ugly Inside has come into possession of a document which will form the basis of how the Dutch police intend to spot Saints supporters trying to get into home ends on Thursday night.
The big worry for Saints supporters who have purchased tickets in home sections for Thursday nights Europa League game in Arnhem is that Dutch Police will stop them from getting in to the Gelredome on the night.
This has lead to all lessons to learn Dutch being booked solid in the past two weeks and Waterstones unable to keep pace with demand for Dutch phrasebooks with over 1,000 sold and counting.
The end result is that Dutch is now officially the third language in Southampton and its estimated that round 800-1000 Saints supporters have become fairly fluent in it over the past fortnight.
But the Dutch Police are no mugs they are aware that Saints supporters will be easily able to reply in Dutch to basic questions about Arnhem mainly connected with the film A Bridge Too Far, so they have drawn up a list of more difficult questions they intend to ask at the turnstiles, we unfortunately have only been able to get our hands on the English translation so you will have to do a little work yourself.
An officer will be posted at the turnstile and anyone not wearing clogs will be asked a couple of questions to confirm he is a Nederlander . (To confuse you some may be multiple choice)
1. What is the official action you need to take if you see a small hole in a Dyke.
A. Stick your finger in it.
B Find a small boy and get him to stick his finger in it.
C. What is a Dyke.
D. Phone the Dutch coastguard
Answer = B
2.You are outside a windmill in old Amsterdam how many mice are there.
A. None the Dutch have very efficient pest prevention methods these days
B. Three and they are all blind
C. One and he is little with clogs on
D. I dont know but that tip tippity tap on the stairs is getting on my nerves.
Answer = A
2. Why is Holland part of the Low Countries.
A. They do despicable things to mice on stairs
B. They supported Rupert Lowe
C. They are under sea level
D. They are fans of David Bowie's seminal 70's album.
Answer A,B & C
3. When Prince William Of Orange got a minor wound at Waterloo what did he do next.
A. Carry on fighting
B. Put a band aid on it and get back into the fray.
C. Made a big fuss and sued British Rail
D. Erected a giant mound on the spot to commemorate his bravery
Answer D
4.Name a Dutch Beer & a Canal
A Heineken & the Kennett & Avon
B. Amstel & Amstel
C . Oranjeboom & Amstel
D. Bavaria & Amstel
Answer A, B & C
5. What is Anne Frank famous for.
A A Dairy she had a prize winning herd of fresians
B. Inventing the original French currency
C. A diary
D. She was Dutch hide & seek champion
Answer C
6. What is the official language of Holland
A. Beer
B. Cannabis
C.Dutch
D. All three
Answer C & D
6. What do you call Van Gogh with a machine gun
A. Sir
B. anything you like since he cut his ear off.
C. A ghost
Answer = A is probably best he still had the other ear.
7. Why are there so many bikes in Holland.
A. It rhymes with Dyke and causes much mirth
B. There are no hills
C. Bike padlocks are cheap so it makes sense to buy a bike to go with it
D. Its quicker than walking.
Answer All four
8.Why was the film about Arnhem called A Bridge Too Far.
A. Because Nijmegen & Eindhoven had bridges as well but the Germans werent so tough there
B. It was a hell of a walk from the last one.
C. Because it wasnt over the river Kwai
D. Or in Maddison County
Answer A
9. How far is it possible to walk from Centraal Station In Amsterdam
A. You dont need to walk more than about 400 metres
B. Ok lets say 500 metres
C. Its walking back thats the problem
D. Many miles, to take in the plethora of museums and art galleries
Answer, Best to humour them and say D
10. Name a great Dutch war victory.
Answer this is a trick question there isn't one.
If you can memorise the correct answers to these then you will have no problem gaining entry.