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Jackportis the brand. “A gifted posterâ€, “planet swans have a real talent on their hands in the name of Jackportis†sky sports 2018. . JP fully supports posters of LBG, mx orientation and ethnic minority groups. Update - now fully supporting the pansexual community.
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Best Love Making Ever on 23:12 - Jun 13 with 5969 views
And we're Swaaaaanseeeea Ciiiityyyy! Swaaaansseeeaaa Ciiiityyy F C!
We're not necessarily the greatest team in football, the world has ever seen (but we're possibly the most honest and resilient).
- On behalf of The Campaign For Realistic Crowd Chanting
I know it may be difficult for the female posters of PS to believe, but I wasn't the best swordsman in my younger days. I knew it and my mates knew it.
I got fairly destroyed at this School disco type event. It was rammed full of decent birds dressed as school girls.
In a rare show of male bravado I got talking to a friend of a friend who had massive tits and a bog average face. Anyway it was her 20th birthday and she had no intention of going home alone. My mate had pulled her much fitter mate and that was that, I was going back to hers.
On the walk back to the taxi I felt like a million dollars in my 5 quid pair of black school strides and white cotton school shirt. I felt like Tucker Jenkins off Grange Hill before he moved to Walford and caught the bad aids. This was a fool proof night that couldn't go wrong and my life would kick on from here. I would be known by mates as the lad who slayed the bird with the massive tits, I really was on top of the world.
Anyway, we got back to her bedsit in the Uplands, I nervously sat at the end of the single bed and let her turn the light off and make the first move. After some kissing and heavy petting that lasted for ages, I plucked up enough courage and decided I would go down stairs. I removed her underwear and started furiously licking and rubbing up against her like a malnutritioned dog who had stumbled across a massive puddle. All the time she kept saying 'oh no, oh no'.
I condommed up and gave her quite literally about five humps before I withered like some sort of weed in a nuclear explosion.
I was by now totally out of my comfort zone and had to get out of the prison cell that was her bedsit, so I made some shitty excuse and just got out, ashamed, yet so excited about regaling exaggerated tales of my sexual mastery to anyone who would listen later that day.
Up until this point In my life, this was my best shag ever.
That was until I stepped outside. It was broad daylight. I walked down the road and all of a sudden a police van screeched up beside me and two police officers raced out. Unbeknown to me, the reason that this girl was saying 'oh no, oh no' was because it was that time of the month when the painters drop by. So here I am, just up from The Uplands Tavern (by the bus stop) at about half five in the morning, with the top half of my shirt covered in blood, and my face looking like I had been feasting on some dead corpses.
The police officers thought I had been stabbed or had done someone else in. So in my still fairly drunken state, I had no other explanation than to tell them the truth and they both ridiculed and laughed at me before speeding off on another call.
The next day, this bird told all her mates and all my mates that I was the most pathetic shag she had ever had.
I know it may be difficult for the female posters of PS to believe, but I wasn't the best swordsman in my younger days. I knew it and my mates knew it.
I got fairly destroyed at this School disco type event. It was rammed full of decent birds dressed as school girls.
In a rare show of male bravado I got talking to a friend of a friend who had massive tits and a bog average face. Anyway it was her 20th birthday and she had no intention of going home alone. My mate had pulled her much fitter mate and that was that, I was going back to hers.
On the walk back to the taxi I felt like a million dollars in my 5 quid pair of black school strides and white cotton school shirt. I felt like Tucker Jenkins off Grange Hill before he moved to Walford and caught the bad aids. This was a fool proof night that couldn't go wrong and my life would kick on from here. I would be known by mates as the lad who slayed the bird with the massive tits, I really was on top of the world.
Anyway, we got back to her bedsit in the Uplands, I nervously sat at the end of the single bed and let her turn the light off and make the first move. After some kissing and heavy petting that lasted for ages, I plucked up enough courage and decided I would go down stairs. I removed her underwear and started furiously licking and rubbing up against her like a malnutritioned dog who had stumbled across a massive puddle. All the time she kept saying 'oh no, oh no'.
I condommed up and gave her quite literally about five humps before I withered like some sort of weed in a nuclear explosion.
I was by now totally out of my comfort zone and had to get out of the prison cell that was her bedsit, so I made some shitty excuse and just got out, ashamed, yet so excited about regaling exaggerated tales of my sexual mastery to anyone who would listen later that day.
Up until this point In my life, this was my best shag ever.
That was until I stepped outside. It was broad daylight. I walked down the road and all of a sudden a police van screeched up beside me and two police officers raced out. Unbeknown to me, the reason that this girl was saying 'oh no, oh no' was because it was that time of the month when the painters drop by. So here I am, just up from The Uplands Tavern (by the bus stop) at about half five in the morning, with the top half of my shirt covered in blood, and my face looking like I had been feasting on some dead corpses.
The police officers thought I had been stabbed or had done someone else in. So in my still fairly drunken state, I had no other explanation than to tell them the truth and they both ridiculed and laughed at me before speeding off on another call.
The next day, this bird told all her mates and all my mates that I was the most pathetic shag she had ever had.
I know it may be difficult for the female posters of PS to believe, but I wasn't the best swordsman in my younger days. I knew it and my mates knew it.
I got fairly destroyed at this School disco type event. It was rammed full of decent birds dressed as school girls.
In a rare show of male bravado I got talking to a friend of a friend who had massive tits and a bog average face. Anyway it was her 20th birthday and she had no intention of going home alone. My mate had pulled her much fitter mate and that was that, I was going back to hers.
On the walk back to the taxi I felt like a million dollars in my 5 quid pair of black school strides and white cotton school shirt. I felt like Tucker Jenkins off Grange Hill before he moved to Walford and caught the bad aids. This was a fool proof night that couldn't go wrong and my life would kick on from here. I would be known by mates as the lad who slayed the bird with the massive tits, I really was on top of the world.
Anyway, we got back to her bedsit in the Uplands, I nervously sat at the end of the single bed and let her turn the light off and make the first move. After some kissing and heavy petting that lasted for ages, I plucked up enough courage and decided I would go down stairs. I removed her underwear and started furiously licking and rubbing up against her like a malnutritioned dog who had stumbled across a massive puddle. All the time she kept saying 'oh no, oh no'.
I condommed up and gave her quite literally about five humps before I withered like some sort of weed in a nuclear explosion.
I was by now totally out of my comfort zone and had to get out of the prison cell that was her bedsit, so I made some shitty excuse and just got out, ashamed, yet so excited about regaling exaggerated tales of my sexual mastery to anyone who would listen later that day.
Up until this point In my life, this was my best shag ever.
That was until I stepped outside. It was broad daylight. I walked down the road and all of a sudden a police van screeched up beside me and two police officers raced out. Unbeknown to me, the reason that this girl was saying 'oh no, oh no' was because it was that time of the month when the painters drop by. So here I am, just up from The Uplands Tavern (by the bus stop) at about half five in the morning, with the top half of my shirt covered in blood, and my face looking like I had been feasting on some dead corpses.
The police officers thought I had been stabbed or had done someone else in. So in my still fairly drunken state, I had no other explanation than to tell them the truth and they both ridiculed and laughed at me before speeding off on another call.
The next day, this bird told all her mates and all my mates that I was the most pathetic shag she had ever had.
FML.
Never mind that Jesus boll0x, this is the greatest story ever told.
I know it may be difficult for the female posters of PS to believe, but I wasn't the best swordsman in my younger days. I knew it and my mates knew it.
I got fairly destroyed at this School disco type event. It was rammed full of decent birds dressed as school girls.
In a rare show of male bravado I got talking to a friend of a friend who had massive tits and a bog average face. Anyway it was her 20th birthday and she had no intention of going home alone. My mate had pulled her much fitter mate and that was that, I was going back to hers.
On the walk back to the taxi I felt like a million dollars in my 5 quid pair of black school strides and white cotton school shirt. I felt like Tucker Jenkins off Grange Hill before he moved to Walford and caught the bad aids. This was a fool proof night that couldn't go wrong and my life would kick on from here. I would be known by mates as the lad who slayed the bird with the massive tits, I really was on top of the world.
Anyway, we got back to her bedsit in the Uplands, I nervously sat at the end of the single bed and let her turn the light off and make the first move. After some kissing and heavy petting that lasted for ages, I plucked up enough courage and decided I would go down stairs. I removed her underwear and started furiously licking and rubbing up against her like a malnutritioned dog who had stumbled across a massive puddle. All the time she kept saying 'oh no, oh no'.
I condommed up and gave her quite literally about five humps before I withered like some sort of weed in a nuclear explosion.
I was by now totally out of my comfort zone and had to get out of the prison cell that was her bedsit, so I made some shitty excuse and just got out, ashamed, yet so excited about regaling exaggerated tales of my sexual mastery to anyone who would listen later that day.
Up until this point In my life, this was my best shag ever.
That was until I stepped outside. It was broad daylight. I walked down the road and all of a sudden a police van screeched up beside me and two police officers raced out. Unbeknown to me, the reason that this girl was saying 'oh no, oh no' was because it was that time of the month when the painters drop by. So here I am, just up from The Uplands Tavern (by the bus stop) at about half five in the morning, with the top half of my shirt covered in blood, and my face looking like I had been feasting on some dead corpses.
The police officers thought I had been stabbed or had done someone else in. So in my still fairly drunken state, I had no other explanation than to tell them the truth and they both ridiculed and laughed at me before speeding off on another call.
The next day, this bird told all her mates and all my mates that I was the most pathetic shag she had ever had.
FML.
The story of legends....!!
Hope things have improved since then Baker.
And we're Swaaaaanseeeea Ciiiityyyy! Swaaaansseeeaaa Ciiiityyy F C!
We're not necessarily the greatest team in football, the world has ever seen (but we're possibly the most honest and resilient).
- On behalf of The Campaign For Realistic Crowd Chanting
This chef onboard had arranged to meet a lady after doing night duty, so of he goes about 8am, he was by by 11am, all asking why back so soon....He was at hers, they were on the sofa fully clothed kissing and she started rubbing his leg, safe to say he made a mess of himself, he left given the embarrassment
The hair and the beard have gone I am now conforming to society, tis a sad day
The b*stards are coming back though
I know it may be difficult for the female posters of PS to believe, but I wasn't the best swordsman in my younger days. I knew it and my mates knew it.
I got fairly destroyed at this School disco type event. It was rammed full of decent birds dressed as school girls.
In a rare show of male bravado I got talking to a friend of a friend who had massive tits and a bog average face. Anyway it was her 20th birthday and she had no intention of going home alone. My mate had pulled her much fitter mate and that was that, I was going back to hers.
On the walk back to the taxi I felt like a million dollars in my 5 quid pair of black school strides and white cotton school shirt. I felt like Tucker Jenkins off Grange Hill before he moved to Walford and caught the bad aids. This was a fool proof night that couldn't go wrong and my life would kick on from here. I would be known by mates as the lad who slayed the bird with the massive tits, I really was on top of the world.
Anyway, we got back to her bedsit in the Uplands, I nervously sat at the end of the single bed and let her turn the light off and make the first move. After some kissing and heavy petting that lasted for ages, I plucked up enough courage and decided I would go down stairs. I removed her underwear and started furiously licking and rubbing up against her like a malnutritioned dog who had stumbled across a massive puddle. All the time she kept saying 'oh no, oh no'.
I condommed up and gave her quite literally about five humps before I withered like some sort of weed in a nuclear explosion.
I was by now totally out of my comfort zone and had to get out of the prison cell that was her bedsit, so I made some shitty excuse and just got out, ashamed, yet so excited about regaling exaggerated tales of my sexual mastery to anyone who would listen later that day.
Up until this point In my life, this was my best shag ever.
That was until I stepped outside. It was broad daylight. I walked down the road and all of a sudden a police van screeched up beside me and two police officers raced out. Unbeknown to me, the reason that this girl was saying 'oh no, oh no' was because it was that time of the month when the painters drop by. So here I am, just up from The Uplands Tavern (by the bus stop) at about half five in the morning, with the top half of my shirt covered in blood, and my face looking like I had been feasting on some dead corpses.
The police officers thought I had been stabbed or had done someone else in. So in my still fairly drunken state, I had no other explanation than to tell them the truth and they both ridiculed and laughed at me before speeding off on another call.
The next day, this bird told all her mates and all my mates that I was the most pathetic shag she had ever had.
FML.
Another copy and paste masterpiece that.
When it was revealed that all your material came from that Everton forum, it was like finding out that Santa didn't exist. You're still quite funny though.
I want a mate like Flashberryjacks, who wears a Barnsley jersey with "Swans are my second team" on the back.
When it was revealed that all your material came from that Everton forum, it was like finding out that Santa didn't exist. You're still quite funny though.
Ah...... Fooled!
And we're Swaaaaanseeeea Ciiiityyyy! Swaaaansseeeaaa Ciiiityyy F C!
We're not necessarily the greatest team in football, the world has ever seen (but we're possibly the most honest and resilient).
- On behalf of The Campaign For Realistic Crowd Chanting
I happened across a gusher once. Fcuk knows where it was all coming from, but come it did. I had to flip the mattress afterwards which was still soaked through a week later
I happened across a gusher once. Fcuk knows where it was all coming from, but come it did. I had to flip the mattress afterwards which was still soaked through a week later
[Post edited 14 Jun 2014 17:02]
Been there shit my self thought I would need a rubber ring not a condom!
:Til I Die,and Beyond.
Oi !! It's A Way Of Life.
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Best Love Making Ever on 22:32 - Jun 14 with 4945 views
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