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A bloke walks into a pub and there’s a horse behind the bar serving the drinks. The horse saw him staring and said “what are you looking at? You think a horse isn’t capable of running a bar?”
The bloke says “No it’s not that. I just never thought the parrot would have sold the place.”
A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to the local civic official who apologized profusely saying, “I must have taken Leif off my census.”
Never knew getting old would happen so quick!
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It’s only a laugh ! on 10:22 - Nov 5 with 5377 views
It’s all fun in the old people's dementia nursing home where Mavis is walking around the corridors with her zimmer frame which she thinks is a car. She goes around one corner where an old boy stops her. ‘Excuse me love’ he says ‘have a you got a driving license for that?’ She pulls out an old bingo card and shows it to him. ‘No worries love’ he says ‘on you go’. She turns another corner and another old boy stops her. ‘Can you show me a valid tax disc please?’ She finds an old bus ticket in her pocket and hands it to him. ‘Sound’ he says ‘ have a good day’. She walks around the third corner to see the bad old boy of the nursing home stood there grinning with his trousers around his ankles. ‘Oh Christ’ cries Mavis ‘not the bloody breathalyser again!’
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It’s only a laugh ! on 13:13 - Nov 8 with 5044 views
My wife said to me "Let's go out tonight and enjoy ourselves" I said "Great idea, if you get home before me leave the light on" Now she is in a mood, no pleasing women!
Never knew getting old would happen so quick!
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It’s only a laugh ! on 04:50 - Nov 12 with 4831 views
A Cardiff city supporter walks into a bar with a duck on his shoulder, the barman asks “where did you get that from”? The duck says I f*****g stood in it on the pavement outside…
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It’s only a laugh ! on 21:48 - Dec 18 with 3961 views
Two Irishmen arguing over the height of a flagpole they have to paint! A bystander over hears the dispute walks up, takes the flagpole down and measures it on the floor, Paddy turns to the bystander and say’s “You stupid Eejit I wanted to know the height not the length”.
[Post edited 21 Dec 2023 20:51]
Argus!
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It’s only a laugh ! on 20:29 - Jan 8 with 3251 views
Well this is more of an unusual actual experience than a joke but here goes.
Some years ago I lived in Edinburgh. Many if not most people around the UK are unaware that there is a very nice sandy beach in the Edinburgh district of Portobello with a small funfair and long promenade
Anyway one nice Summer morning I was sitting on a bench on the prom enjoying the lovely day when I noticed a couple with a young child arguing furiously and in an increasingly heated fashion.
Then to my horror the man, who was carrying a large stick presumably picked up off the beach, struck his wife with the stick knocking her to the floor.
Then unbelievably he started hitting the young child with the stick as well.
He hadn’t noticed that a policeman was just behind him who lunged at him but must have lost his footing and fell down under a shower of blows from the guy with the stick who clearly had lost all sense of reasoning.
By this time myself and several other blokes had started running towards the scene, we pushed through a crowd of young children in the way and were just about to grab the guy with the stick when a crocodile appeared from nowhere who proceeded to eat all the sausages.
It was all quite surreal.
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It’s only a laugh ! on 11:04 - Feb 23 with 1977 views
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