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Corny Joke Warning 16:56 - Aug 29 with 794025 viewsBoston

What vehicle do electricians prefer to drive?

A Volts Wagon.

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

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Corny Joke Warning on 16:59 - Aug 29 with 72342 viewsEsox_Lucius

I think my best mate is having an affair with my wife... he has been really miserable lately.

The grass is always greener.

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Corny Joke Warning on 18:09 - Aug 29 with 72155 viewsSimonJames

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?

Ten-tickles!

100% of people who drink water will die.

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Corny Joke Warning on 18:14 - Aug 29 with 72316 viewsAgedR

There was a burglary at the multi story car park last night.

Wrong on so many levels.

Poll: Who do we want out of the way?

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Corny Joke Warning on 18:32 - Aug 29 with 72240 viewsDorse

I sold my vacuum cleaner on eBay. To be fair, it was just gathering dust.

'What do we want? We don't know! When do we want it? Now!'

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Corny Joke Warning on 19:08 - Aug 29 with 72188 viewsEsox_Lucius

I was attacked by 22/7 of a ship the other day. I think it was Pi-rates.

The grass is always greener.

1

Corny Joke Warning on 20:01 - Aug 29 with 72071 viewshubble

My grandad had a terrible problem with his back so to try and help relieve the pain my grandma covered it in goose fat. Unfortunately he went downhill really fast after that.

Poll: Who is your player of the season?

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Corny Joke Warning on 20:03 - Aug 29 with 72165 viewsflynnbo

I really hate those Russian dolls-they're so full of themselves.
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Corny Joke Warning on 20:06 - Aug 29 with 72156 viewshorshamHoop

I usually meet my girlfriend at 12:59 because I like that one-to-one time
1

Corny Joke Warning on 20:15 - Aug 29 with 72047 viewsStanisgod

I saw a Man U season ticket nailed to a tree today.
I ran up grabbed it. You can never have too many nails.

It's being so happy that keeps me going.

5

Corny Joke Warning on 20:53 - Aug 29 with 72049 viewsessextaxiboy

My mate got his vacuum cleaner stuck up his backside , he was poorly for a while but now he is picking up nicely...
3

Corny Joke Warning on 21:48 - Aug 29 with 71964 viewscolinallcars

Man says to fishmonger “a piece of haddock please” Fishmonger says “finnan ?” Man says “ no, I'll have that thick bit at the end”
0

Corny Joke Warning on 22:10 - Aug 29 with 71950 viewsqpr85

I was going to tell a joke about a fight, but I couldn't think of a punch line
4

Corny Joke Warning on 22:12 - Aug 29 with 71908 viewsDavieQPR

I just like going up to the desk in Specsavers and asking for a Big Mac and Fries.
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Corny Joke Warning on 22:30 - Aug 29 with 71741 viewsRamseyR

My grandparents were actually called Pearl and Dean.
We did not call them that, of course. We call them Grandma and Grand pa pa pa pa pa pa pa-pa-pa pa papa pa paaa.....pa!
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Corny Joke Warning on 22:32 - Aug 29 with 71802 viewsLblock

I wanted to bet the butcher I could get to the beef on his top shelf before him.

He wouldn't take the bet

Said the steaks were too high

Cherish and enjoy life.... this ain't no dress rehearsal

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Corny Joke Warning on 00:06 - Aug 30 with 71834 viewsTrom

Told my wife she'd plucked her eyebrows too high yesterday.

She said nothing, just stood there looking surprised.
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Corny Joke Warning on 01:28 - Aug 30 with 71759 viewsBoston

Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed.

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

0

Corny Joke Warning on 05:42 - Aug 30 with 71712 viewsenfieldargh

I rang up British Telecom and said: ‘I want to report a nuisance caller.’ He said: ‘Not you again."

captains fantastic
Poll: SWEET F'IN CAROLINE. Played every half time

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Corny Joke Warning on 08:27 - Aug 30 with 71618 viewsEsox_Lucius

An English cat named One Two Three Four was entered into a cross channel swimming race with a French cat named Un Deux Trois. The English cat won because Un Deux Trois cat sank.
[Post edited 6 Nov 2020 9:22]

The grass is always greener.

4

Corny Joke Warning on 09:04 - Aug 30 with 71633 viewsdontknowitall

Just back from a supermarket where I saw a car parked over 3 spaces

I'm not sexist so I'm not going to speculate what gender she was.....
2

Corny Joke Warning on 10:09 - Aug 30 with 71587 viewsqpr85

Why was six afraid of seven?

Because 7 8 9
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Corny Joke Warning on 10:19 - Aug 30 with 71567 viewsblacky200

Two flies sitting on a lump of dog crap, one farts and the other one says "do you mind i'm eating my dinner"
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Corny Joke Warning on 10:40 - Aug 30 with 71518 viewsAshdown_Ranger

Maybe this should be on the 'oldest forum member' thread...

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I'm still having sex at 81.

Which is quite handy for me, because I live at number 75.
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Corny Joke Warning on 10:41 - Aug 30 with 71517 viewsAshdown_Ranger

And a Frankie Boyle joke:


Nobody thought Mel Gibson could play a Scot - but look at him now...

An alcoholic and a racist!
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Corny Joke Warning on 10:52 - Aug 30 with 71450 viewsGalileo

Joined in a pub quiz while on a trip to Liverpool the other week.
For a laugh answered 'The Beatles' or 'Stevie G' to every question.
Came 2nd...
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