Journalist Lewis Jones, the man who spent the final day of last season in the main stand at Stoke City watching Bolton seal QPR’s safety, was allowed to watch the R’s at Norwich on Saturday.

08:00 – Rise and shine. First away day of the season. I’ve been given the Norwich v QPR gig and I’m actually rather excited by the whole thing. Famous last words.

Readers of my work (haha, readers) will be well aware of my confidence in a QPR win today. My betting preview for another website was centred on an away win. The price is too big if you forget last week’s debacle. I was planning on going in big on the 100/30 available on Thursday but the computer was on the other side of the room - I am the definition of a lazy gambler – and by the time I get around to it others have also cottoned on and the price has been gambled in to just 15/8.

Looking back, what buffoons we all were – me and the other so called shrewd punters. It’s only money, I suppose.

09:00 – Realised I have dressed for winter when it’s summer. Also my dongle is missing. Not what a lady wants to hear, granted. Let’s hope Carrow Road has Wi-Fi.

10:00 – Boarded the train at Liverpool Street with a first class ticket – there’s nothing like traveling in style to Norwich. Unfortunately, my experience was far from first class.

Good start though: table to myself, toilet within a few yards, chairs extremely comfortable. But then suddenly, like a referee awarding a penalty against Manchester United at Old Trafford, I was surrounded. Now, you know you’re in for interesting company at your table when the first words you hear come out of a bloke’s mouth as he walks into the carriage are: “That’s why I threw a brick through her window.”

Please don’t sit here. I prayed.

They sat there.

Isn’t this supposed to be first-class? Where are the dancing girls? The free back rubs? The soft smell of cigars? In fact, where the hell is the WiFi? “Sorry sir, this carriage is having problems with the connection.”

Of course it is.

No dongle, no WiFi – just me and the louts. First world problems.

Three of them sat with Stella in hand and embarked on their idiotic conversation. Their first fixation with the first class experience was the lamp we had available to use on our table. Apparently it was hilarious. Light on. Light off. Light on. Light off. Light on. Yes, very amusing, lads.

Breathe, Lewis, you can get through this. Never have I pretended to be so focused and dedicated to what was on my laptop. Twice they tried to engage me in the conversation. Twice I smiled, said something mundane, and returned to the importance of my computer screen.

Of course, in a perfect world, I would have piped up - let them know to keep the noise down, point out the young children sitting directly behind us - but the real world tends to get you punches in the mush when these kinds of people are about. Just stay quiet Lewis, and play Solitaire profusely. Solitaire is all you have right now.

Ten beers and 14 stories later about different “top” nights out these lads had been on in the last seven days and we arrived in Norwich. I didn’t know it was possible to sleep with so many imaginary women. Kudos to them in that department.

13:30 – Arrived at Carrow Road’s press room.

Tucked straight into Delia’s pies. Overrated.

Things were going smoothly before disaster nearly struck when my trusty steed, Larry the Laptop, slipped off the chair he was resting on, as I went for another pie. OK, maybe they were pretty tasty. The noise echoed around the room like a bomb had gone off. My first thought was the usual “what kind of twat leaves his laptop to slip off a chair?” and then reality dawned on me that Larry had taken the tumble. I’m not sure if it was a suicide mission after the Solitaire overdose, but the damage was somehow minimal. He lived to fight another day. Made of strong stuff is Larry.

Veteran press room goer David McIntyre hung his head in disappointment when he found out it was me that all the laptop commotion was about. He had heard the shudder. Don’t expect my by-line on West London Sport anytime soon.

I took my seat in the press box with a Korean journalist/QPR fan next to me. Readers of my previous LFW diary will be aware of the “coy release jig” I produce when Rangers notch in a match I’m covering. No need for it here though as my new found QPR friend high fived me when Zamora, illegally (the goal not the high five) equalised. My new friend is probably Rangers through and through too – didn’t catch his name but it’s bound to be something like Rodney Bowles Gallen Bircham. Can’t imagine any other reason why he would be following the club.

Regarding the game itself, the less said the better – Clive will have hit the nail on the head anyway - but just one point that I feel is quite an important one…

*Cracks fingers. Rant alert!*

It’s regarding Zamora’s disappearance from the field of play for seven (seven) minutes - during a crucial time in the game. Last season we had people sent off for a variety of reasons: violent conduct, grabbing a man by the throat, attempting to head butt somebody, two bookable offences etc. Now it seems we are voluntarily choosing to go down to ten-men.

“We’ve tried everything else lads, why not switch to a 4-4-1 for a while? We’re used to that. You know what they say about teams with ten men. It can galvanise a side.”

Not an official quote, granted, but you get my point.

Obviously Zamora was injured, a head injury to be precise, which was described by Hughes afterwards as “A real gaping wound.”

Now, I’m no doctor, but I can probably use my pea-size brain to assess that a minor surgical operation - the QPR press team confirmed to me he had stitches - probably takes longer than a couple of minutes to perform. The wound was clearly a bad one because the medical team who assessed Zamora at the time were very quick to decide it needed stitches and he was subsequently described by Hughes as a “major doubt” for Man City at the weekend. If the wound needed stitching then whose bright idea was it to keep him on and play on for a ludicrous amount of time with ten-men? We could have thrown on Derry, Taarabt or Wright-Phillips and kept 11 bloody men on the pitch. Yes, Zamora was one of the better players but he wasn’t worth sacrificing seven minutes of ten-men for.

Seven minutes. Seven shitty minutes. That is a long time in the real world, but in sport, and especially football, it’s an absolute age. A twelfth of the game, some may say.

During this crucial stage of the game Norwich not only had their best spell of possession in the match, they also gained much needed confidence with the ball in order to build sufficient momentum for a final ten minutes assault on the QPR backline. From the moment Zamora left the pitch QPR sunk deeper and deeper nearer their goal. It was the beginning of the end of QPR going forward.

The QPR faithful even started chanting “we’ve only got ten men” - Norwich fans thought it was funny. I didn’t. Zamora finally trotted back on seven (seven) minutes later. But by this time Norwich had set up camp in the QPR half and it was a case of holding on, which we did, but only just.

Laughable. Inexcusable. Sunday League.

The journey home was far more to the first-class standard expected. No Solitaire this time, the Wi-Fi was working a charm. Despite the luxurious surroundings it was hard to switch off from the performance of our new look QPR. I know it’s probably not that relevant but the side that lifted the Championship trophy played with such flexibility, passion and desire. There was a plan; a way of playing that made us win games. Where has that gone? It seems that despite huge progress off the pitch, on the pitch we have arguably gone backwards. This is not a knee-jerk reaction to two games of this Premier League season, it is a collective assessment of the way QPR have played since Hughes took over – which was 22 games (and just two measly draws from ten away trips) ago.

Oh well, only Man City, Chelsea and Tottenham next.

We’re signing more players, haven’t you heard?

No need to worry.

Tweet @lewisjonesqpr, @loftforwords

Pictures – Action Images

Photo: Action Images

JonDoeman added 17:49 - Aug 29 Cheers Lewis, good read that.
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SonofNorfolt added 19:18 - Aug 29 'Table to myself, toilet within a few yards', give me strength.
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TacticalR added 21:32 - Aug 29 Amid the comedy you make some pertinent points about the team. In retrospect the reliance on Zamora seems strange, but I am not sure that Hughes has the kind of deep flexibility needed to react to a situation quickly. At least he had the sense to take off Hill at half-time. Btw, remembering Korean names is a bit of an art form.
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