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Joke 00:06 - Apr 8 with 1144 viewsSaintNick

Definitely joke of the day 😂😂😂.


Trump has a heart attack and dies. He goes to Hell where the Devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do," says the Devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for you. But you definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three people here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."
Trump thought that sounded pretty good so he agreed.

The devil opened the first room. In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed over and over and over, such was his fate in Hell.
"No!" Trump said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long."

The Devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.
"No! I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!" commented Trump.

The Devil opened a third door. In it, Trump saw Bill Clinton lying naked on the floor with his arms staked over his head and his legs staked in spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.

Trump looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this."

The Devil smiled and said, "Monica, you're free to go!"

Satisfying The Bloodlust Of The Masses In Peacetime

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Joke on 09:58 - Apr 8 with 965 viewshedgeend61

Two female teachers took a group of young students from years 1, 2 and 3 for a field trip to Ascot Racecourse. They had a great time but through the afternoon the children needed to go to the toilet. The two teachers decided that the girls would go with one of them and the boys would go with the other.
The teacher assigned to the boys guided them to the men’s toilet and then she waited outside. Shortly, one of the boys came out and told her that NONE of them could reach the urinals. The teacher had no choice, so she went inside and helped by hoisting them up one at a time so that they could reach. As each one finished, she put him down and Zipped him up.
As she lifted one boy up to the urinal, she couldn’t help noticing he was a whole lot bigger (you know, down there) than any of the others.
Trying not to stare, the teacher said, “You must be in Year 3 then?"
“No Miss,' came the reply, “I’m riding Kingfisher in the 3.50 but I really do appreciate your help"
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Joke on 19:29 - Apr 8 with 814 viewshedgeend61

The only cow in a small town in Kerry stopped giving milk.
Then the town folk found they could buy a cow in Tipperary quite cheaply.
So, they brought the cow over from Tipperary
...It was absolutely wonderful, it produced lots of milk every day and everyone was happy.
They bought a bull to mate with the cow to get more cows, so they'd never have to worry about their milk supply again.
They put the bull in the pasture with the cow but whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away.
No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull, and he was never able to do the deed.
The people were very upset and decided to go to the Vet, who was very wise, tell him what was happening and ask his advice.
"Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. If he attempts it from the one side, she walks away to the other side."
The Vet rubbed his chin thoughtfully and pondered this before asking, "Did you by chance, buy this cow in Tipperary?"
The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned that they had brought the cow over from Tipperary.
"You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you know we got the cow from Tipperary?
The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye:
"My wife is from Tipperary"
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Joke on 11:25 - Apr 17 with 577 viewshedgeend61

Julius Caesar and Pompey the Great were rivals for the position of First Consul of Rome. They spoke before the Senate, putting forward their cases for election to the post, by recounting their deeds in the service of Rome.
“When the Gauls attacked Rome, I defended the city,” Pompey said, “and drove them out killing 100,000 Gauls.”
“I invaded Gaul,” Caesar said, “and I too slew 100,000 Gauls.”

So the Senate gave the position to Caesar because in Europe away Gauls count double.

Two Pompey fans broke my windscreen last night.
I was going to swerve but then thought F*** 'em.

What borders on stupidity?
Gosport, Fareham, Havant and Hayling Island.
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