Mark Rowlands looks forward as only he knows how....

Internationals take a back seat this weekend as the Swans head into tractor territory and it's Ipswich at Portman Road.

Ipswich - a small town in Norwich - are known as the Tractor Boys not just locally but throughout the world which basically must mean that they drive slowly on country roads and hold up anybody that has the audacity to drive anywhere near their property.  Images of Farmer Palmer (get orrrrffff moi landdddd!) spring to mind together with people with six fingers, four toes and a sister for a wife.  

Of course ask any Ipswich fan and they will tell you that they won the UEFA Cup back in 1981 - aided no end by a dodge dutch porn star and a curly headed Scotsman who now presents on Talksport for a career.   And is called Brazil.   Such is the education he received back in the 1980s in Ipswich that his great insights into currency fluctuation, racism and other subjects light up the radio waves early morning for a few hundred people.   The only person in the world who can make Ronnie Irani look like Stephen Hawking.

Ipswich fans can often be found walking around their ground with the team logo proudly displayed on their shirts together with the famous latin saying "Suffolk N Shit" on the back which basically means "living in the shadow of Chelmsford City" give or take the odd inaccuracy within there somewhere.

They have been in the Premier League - got more points than Derby of course (I have more points on my Lidl Reward card than Derby got) but these days Ipswich are an established Championship side - which is what pundits say for a team that is too good to go down but nowhere near enough to go up.   Must cheer up them tractor drivers no doubt.

Ipswich of course signed this summer former Bolton and Real Madrid player Ivan Abscessonmydick - he of the curly haired perm just twenty five years too late whilst Danny Haynes will be hoping to transfer some of his Football Manager 07 form into real life - something he has not yet quite managed to achieve.

And thus you see the problems that international breaks cause - I was well into these by the time everyone f*****d off to watch England (as us Jacks do...!) and now I am a little rusty so apologies for some of the crapness involved above.

And to any Ipswich fans reading - tomorrow is the sixth away trip of our league season - you can count them on the fingers of one hand......

Photo: Action Images

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