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Thread | 45 SPOUT (n/t)
at 14:09 21 Jan 2017
The king.
Like, oh my god it’s POTUS
Now he has lots of hair
Coiffured and parted eighteen ways
Why, it goes everywhere.
Some say it’s made from shredded wheat
Some say a plastic mould
An ancient fabled fleece perhaps
You know — the one of gold
Surrounded by the family
All talented and bright
They’ve come to end the misery
Turn darkness into right (Yes sir)
A family of plasticine
A bright satsuma glow
His wifes name isn’t Ida
And nor is she a ho
Conducting all their business
In their glin tin golden tower
The Trump-team been assembled
Sharing out the power
to sons and shiny daughters
and pappy is the boss
A bigot here a tycoon there
Corporate goons and dross
Mexicans and Mozz lims
The Don he hates them all
And to keep them off our sacred land
He’s gonna rect a wall (Thass right)
He says he’ll build it sturdy
To block the hombres way
But it aint gonna cost a dime
Coz Mexicos gonna pay.
Bigoted embarrassment
Or symbol of the right
O’limpic standard charlatan
Or star so spangly bright
Leader of the free world
Co-mander in Chief
Billionaire and businessman
Or god-damn pussy thief
From Cletus down in Tenessee
To Hank in Illinois
They voted for the Trumpman
And how it brings them joy
to see the US great again
Restore some god-damn pride
But things will sho turn ugly tho
When it turns out he lahd
With camo smocks-n- gunz-n-sh*t
They all load up the truck
haul-ass it up to DeeCee
Track down that yankee fnck
Cletus takes a huntn-knife
The Don squeals like a pig
And begs and blubs and offers cash to spare his golden wig.
But ol Cletus he just workin now and calmly says the prayer
And with a proud God Bless America
he takes some bloodied hair.
They’ll member him in Austin
and down in Baton Rouge
The orange dude with piggy eyes
Perhaps they’ll sing the blues
bout the fella in the tower, the guy with all the bling
Not content with all he had, just had to be
The king.
[Post edited 21 Jan 2017 14:11]
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Reply | Best American television series of all time...
at 17:19 3 Jan 2017
I'll second those choices without hesitation (the setting and mood in Cheers has not been bettered IMO). I'll also throw in Happy Days, Kojak and The Virginian (for reasons of nostalgia rather than quality). There have been an awful lot of very watchable US productions. |
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Reply | Whiskey
at 21:50 20 Dec 2016
Someone bought me a bottle of Nikka From The Barrel (Japanese) a couple of years ago for my birthday. I think it was about £50 and at that price I only have the odd nip now and again. It's still going and it's kin yummy. I also have a special edition Grand Slam Penderyn - also a birthday present a few years ago which remains unopened. Have tried their Peated and it's v good. |
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Reply | President Trump
at 20:16 11 Nov 2016
And of the generations preceding the veterans of Omaha and O’Kinawa, well, they would’ve be hunting down the indigenous tribes of North America and then spring forward a few, why, they’d be farming the ‘negro’.
US students displaying sensitivity is perhaps not such a bad thing. I mean, given the scenes we usually see of US campuses (kids full of holes from sem-eye automatic weapons, body bags and mourning parents) I’ll take soppy teenagers and edible play-doh all day long.
And if we’re choosing generations, well sir, I’ll have me a whole blizzard of snowflakes. |
| Forum
Reply | Sleep
at 22:10 26 Oct 2016
Many of us in (so called) advanced societies go to bed with our brains fried from engaging with too many media/comms platforms (TV/PC/mobile phones e.t.c). This activity leads to the brain becoming over-excited and most of us are completely unaware that it’s happening, because being buzzed up in this way is almost a default state now for many in the modern world. Humans need to go to bed physically tired - not mentally drained. Exercise (i.e. properly — sweating, panting n stuff) every day for 30 mins, late afternoon if possible.
A friend of mine had been suffering with sleep issues quite recently. He’d been grinding his teeth so much it developed into a serious dental problem. GP advised him to switch his computer off 3 hrs before bedtime (he played games in the evening). Sleep pattern improved immediately. He'd been going to bed but as far as his brain was concerned it wanted to continue locating lumps of gold in the scary swamps of far off lands and shoot drug dealing mutha-fuggas in the face with a sawn off Remington. No surprise he was having problems really. |
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Reply | MP shot and stabbed in Yorkshire
at 21:03 17 Jun 2016
Did you see what he did, to that lass in the road
People all crying, Oh Christ dear Lord
Little she were, a mother and wife
When he came full of rage, with his gun and his knife
A kindly sort, gifted and bright
Did she think of her kids, as day turned to night
Vigils and prayers and tears, dark coats
Bouquets of flowers, hand written notes
Leaders from parties, anger on hold
Hostility suspended, at least, so I’m told!!
No matter the reason, was he left was he right?
He came with a gun and an ed full’o’shite
Is this politics? Nay! Because we know it’s not reet
When a lass lies bleedin int middle o street
RIP JC |
| Forum
Reply | Remain With or Leave the EU
at 18:07 15 Jun 2016
How many EU residents are currently entitled/eligible to freely travel to the UK? Is it approx 500 million? |
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Reply | Remain With or Leave the EU
at 17:07 15 Jun 2016
There was a documentary/news item on the other night where an interviewer and film crew had set up in some godforsaken bingo hall, slash, ‘working mens’ club in the North East I think. (How do they find these places? I’m convinced that TV companies employ teams of hovel sniffers trained to track the scent of spliff, attack dogs, Lynx and emaciated hags). Anyway, a half dozen or so dentally deficient local ladies were being questioned regarding their likely vote in the referendum and - surprise, surprise - they were, all of them, minded to vote for Brexit because (as one of them stated enthusiastically (or rather cackled inanely)) it was time to put the ‘Great’ back into Britain (or similar). And, at the point where she finished saying the word ‘Brittn’ and her cracked lips formed into a hideous grin, any lingering doubts I had about my instinctive remain vote vanished completely — a moment of clarity if you like. And so, on the 23 June they will stride out, these modern day Bodiceas, to the polling station — flip flops, ankle tattoos and 2 month old toe varnish - through some desolate, dog shat ravaged northern ghetto, imbued with a perverse fusion of patriotism and racial superiority, and reeking of a late morning fag/cider/fry up combo, to put a tick in the box for Blighty. They are of course the same types booking cheap holidays to places in southern Europe; that they are unlikely to be able to pronounce or locate on a map, where they will (probably) consume liver pickling quantities of alco-pops, contract some localised gonorrhoea super variant (entirely possible and possibly knowingly) and compete to see who can develop the largest melanoma (almost definitely and possibly unknowingly). Oh yes! I can just imagine Penny (Mordaunt - French name) and ‘Pretty’ (Patel - Indian name I guess) discussing with these lovelies the feminist economic benefits of Brexit and the possible reduction in the cost of casual rubber footwear over a convivial Pimms or fourteen; that engagement wouldn’t register at all on their frightful & ghastly monitors, would it? And I’m certain that Gove (Scottish name), Farage (French Name) and Sir ob Nosnhoj (thoroughly British ancestry) are straining to align themselves proudly with this bunch of Brexit babes — not me thanks, I’m in! A sudden and uncontrolled influx of Romanian gangsters wielding garage manufactured hand guns and the latest line in credit card cloning techno-gadgetry appeals more, frankly. That last bit is over the top I admit.
It is however going to be massively interesting if Tribe Brexit prevails, the coverage thus far will pale. |
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Reply | Remain With or Leave the EU
at 21:12 10 Jun 2016
Do we think the English gentlemen currently disturbing the peace in Marseille are voting to Remain or are they for Brexit? |
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Reply | New Zealand v Wales
at 21:32 9 Jun 2016
Could have been worse, they could have picked this lot:
Hoodlum N’okia
Finton C Bird
Raider Simpleton
Conrad Filthy
Wa’iso Fackntough-Aloohoo
Abel Rentokil
Jeremiah Preacher- Curl
Ira Milkydrink
Caleb Razorbill
Ethan Mountaindew
Craven Fia-lita
John Davies
Nastyman Benjamin
Minto Hoola-Hoop
Bartley Buttercup
We wouldn't have stood a chance against that lot. |
| Forum
Reply | Remain With or Leave the EU
at 21:55 7 Jun 2016
If it does transpire that we vote to leave, what do people think the popular reaction will be in Europe. I'm not referring to the political or institutional leaders but Hans, Luigi or Bertrand public?
And is there anyone for remaining in the EU that would be so upset by Brexit that they would consider leaving the UK for the continent? |
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Reply | The best friend you'll make this Summer...
at 17:23 2 Jun 2016
Wells is the brewer - I've had a bottle in my garage since before xmas and on your recommendation it'll be an accompaniment to my ruby this weekend. Cheers! |
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Reply | The Eurovision Song Contest Thread.
at 09:20 15 May 2016
What were the lyrics of the you crane song? Something like 'they came to our house and shot us all and shat in our sink' or something like that. Dreadful song, and a bit of Massive Attack going on in there somewhere as well. But anything that annoys Mr Pootin is fine by me - I bet there were a few bowls of cabbage sliding down the Kremlin dining room walls at about 01:30 this morning. |
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Reply | Greatest War Movies
at 17:52 20 Apr 2016
Platoon
Tom Berenger: Well, here I am, all by my lonesome, ain't nobody gonna know. Six of you boys against me. Go ahead, kill me.
The Alamo |
| Forum
Reply | The game you attended that sticks in your mind the most
at 07:27 24 Mar 2016
Chesterfield at the V - we won 3-2 - Tosh scoring in the last few minutes (may have romanticised it a bit) and it was kin years ago. I think that was the game before we went to Plymouth and secured promotion with a 2-2 draw. |
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